If you listen to all the news regarding molestation by priests and coaches etc, its incredible how much that involves young boys.
Having spent time in a twelve step program, I’m convinced in the case of males, sexual abuse can lead to further sexual abuse. It has been admitted to me often enough. Most of us have a simple abhorence to underage sex. If you’ve been introduced to it as a kid, that is bound to influence your inclinations and boundaries.
I don’t believe a child molester is sexually attracted to children cold turkey. I don’t believe people are born that way. This isn’t like homosexuality.
That is why we really need to take this scourge on our humanity seriously. To prevent its continuation into subsequent generations.
It’s true that girls are more often victims of sexual abuse, but only marginally. Generally, sexual predators prey on the weak and easily victimized. That’s why sexual abuse of boys is fairly common but the rape of men is fairly uncommon.
I don’t think child molesters can be generalized about as being the same psychologically, though. I think there are people who are physically attracted to young children and then people who are just opportunists or sadists (or both.) I would guess that the motives vary widely from abuser to abuser.
I think there is also a desensitization factor toward ANY behaviour. If a molested person or one who has grown up being hit by their parents, eventually despite the pain caused to them, they can’t help but be desensitized to it.
So when something happens and they step out of line, it can come back with “Well I lived through it,” type of thing.
And it’s not just bad behaviours it’s any behaviour, whether it panic attacks, over-eating, alcoholics, etc. Behaviours your grow up around begain to seem “normal” after long terms exposures.
However that study was from 1973, and I don’t know if any new info verifies or repudiates it. Plus that site says ‘4 million child molesters live in the US’ and that ‘they have 30-60 victims before being arrested’. Which if true would mean sexual abuse would be far more widespread than it is now. My impression now is that about 20-30% of people were abused as kids although no idea how many were victims of multiple abuses. Evenso, if victimized by multiple people I doubt the number would be anywhere near as high as it’d need to be for the stats on that website to be true (4 million child molesters, each with 30-60 victims).
“Bob” needs to leave his wife. She’s slandering him as a child molester.
Back when I was in marriage counseling with my now ex-wife, she kept bringing up the fact that I had been seriously abused as a child as “proof” that I would someday abuse her. It was a fact, period. No matter how much both I and our councellor said otherwise, no matter how much I stated “if you are afraid of me for this, I have to leave you, because I will not remain in a relationship with someone who is afraid of me” (which led to immediate denials of being in fear, then backtracking at the next session when she needed to play up the “he’s a future abuser” bullshit again to distract from her behavior.), no matter how much it was pointed out that she was continually stabbing me in one of my personal wounds.
When we split, she used it again to claim that she had been living in fear of me since the month before she insisted on moving into my house.
It is bullshit. It is simply not true.
To accuse a so-called loved one of such crimes simply on the basis that they themselves had once been a victim to those crimes is unconscionable and proof positive (to me at least) that they do not actually love the one about whom they make such claims.
Well, speaking of magazine stories…I will never forget the doozy I read about a definite lack of boundaries. A woman met a man, they fell in love, had a whirlwind romance, married. Things were fine till she started hearing gossip about her new husband, who was having affairs with the neighbors. Never mind gossip - she was told, repeatedly, by several people on the block, that her new husband was, indeed, having sex with a dozen women, a couple of their husbands, and a few teenagers of both sexes. When confronted, he didn’t try to hide it. He admitted it, he was surprised that it was a big deal!..They found out he grew up in an isolated family situation where all of them - mom, dad, brothers, sisters - all had sex with each other. That’s just the way they were. No big deal!
It may be reported more often but I don’t think that it means it happens more often. Maybe we as a society are just more sickened by it when it happens to boys?
The idea that abusers were abused themselves as the main explanation for perpetrators has been heavily challenged and was based mostly on retrospective studies with abusers claiming it as an excuse for their behaviour in forensic settings. Unfortunately as said already this myth is still commonly believed and often has caused great distress to sexual abuse survivors.
I heard of a story about a couple that had grown up in an ultra-fundamentalist religious environment where sex was not explained at all, and the couple eventually had to be told by a doctor why they had had so many childless years…
The voice of molested children’s attorney and expert in the field Andrew Vachss, including this horrific story I will put in a spoiler box.
[spoiler]I have known many children who did survive such torture. Adam was one of them—a handsome boy, blond, polite and soft-spoken. Every Saturday, he would dress in an immaculate sailor suit and go to a suburban mall. He would position himself carefully outside the entrance to the rest rooms and patiently wait. Sooner or later, a young woman would approach, holding a little boy by the hand, consternation on her face. Adam knew what she was thinking: Her child was too old to take with her into the ladies’ room and too young to venture by himself into the men’s room. Adam would approach, smiling gently. “Do you want me to take him inside with me, ma’am?” he would ask. “I always take my baby brother.” Relieved and grateful, the young woman would entrust her child to this charming little boy. She would wait outside. And wait. Finally, when too much time had passed, she would either ask a passing man to check on her son or, on some occasions, rush inside herself. Her child would be found on the floor of the rest room, crying. Slap marks on his face, his clothes in disarray. The only sign of Adam: the open window he’d used to escape.
I was Adam’s lawyer. He readily acknowledged his crimes, displaying no consciousness of guilt whatsoever. When I asked him why he did such things, he looked at me as if I was out of touch with reality. Why should anyone feel sorry for his victims? Nobody had felt sorry for him.
Later, we learned that Adam had actually served an apprenticeship in sexual assault. His home had been the classroom. The therapists told us that Adam was trying to master his own sense of powerlessness—to overcome oppression by imitating his oppressors.
Adam told me he liked doing what he did. It made him feel strong. Special. In control.
My anecdotal two cents is this… In the last six years as a public defender representing primarily juveniles:
100% of my juvenile clients accused and/or convicted of sex crimes (range from misd. sex assault through rape), had been previously molested. Almost all of them had documented cases of their abuse, with abuser being prosecuted. I had two kids where we were unable to verify prior abuse, because it did not happen in this country. This information is derived from psychosexual evaluations (with a polygraph component).
However, I have had several (read: hundreds) of clients in the last six years who have been the victims of sexual abuse, and who have never, EVER, been accused of any kind of sexual misconduct.
I feel really sorry for this lady’s husband. I can’t imagine a bigger betrayal.
No, he has to maintain the anomity of his underaged clients. Vachss went into law to represent children who were victims of sex abuse, though at the time he did not realize he would have to defend them. He and his wife Alice are acknowledgd as the leading experts in the field, and I believe him.