One word. Ok three words:
Big Ass Laser[sup]tm[/sup].
Some sort of hospital ward- you really don’t want to explain your secret super-hero status when a doctor at a regular hospital asks how you got injured.
Not simply a generic hospital ward, don’t you think that they’ll need some kind of isolation ward for all them odd diseases that super heros encounter in outer space? Not to mention a psychiatric ward for those poor normals who get caught up in the crossfire.
(Doctor, talking to patient, while nervously looking at his office door to see when the men in white coats will show up)
“So, after the giant mutated ants pulled you out of your car, this super fast person dragged you to safety?”
“Yes, Doctor. That’s how my arm got scratched. And since it happened while I was trying to deliver a pizza, it’s got to be covered by workman’s comp, right?”
(There’s one Pizza delivery amn who’s not going to see daylight again for years…)
And, actually, now that you mention that, a containment team wouldn’t be out of order, a la Men in Black. They might consist of a clean up team, a public relations team, a legal team and a brute squad(to clean up the henchmen).
This is going to be slightly silly, but … a shipping/receiving dock. Possibly decommissioned or blocked off.
Hey, you didn’t figure the heroes built this all themselves, right? They hauled in and installed the super-computer with built-in industrial laundry service and kitchen? No way. It was done on spec.
Also, it’d have to have some kind of HVAC system or internal heating/cooling apparatus with appropriate ventilation to the outside world. The vents must be large enough that villains can crawl secretly into the base (or heroes can crawl out).
Naturally it will need some kind of emergency food storage and water filtration system in case of attack.
Don’t forget the Big Red Button to destroy everything in times of emergency escape. Make sure the BRB is not located near a heavily-trafficked area (for instance, on top of the kitchen table where everybody piles their stuff).
Lockers.
A drawer, you know, for junk? with a bunch of odds and ends in it: piece of Kryptonite, batarang with no batteries in it, all the screwdrivers except the really useful medium-sized philips-head one that some (ahem!) borrowed and hasn’t brought back, fingerprinting set with all the dust spilled everywhere in the drawer, spare fuses for the Invisible Jet, various colors of green/red/orange/yellow nail polish (for stopping runs in those superhero tights), and that kind of thing.
A sign in the kitchen that says “Wash Your Own Dishes. Superman Does Not Work Here!”
A sound mixing studio for making anonymous calls. It should be capable of creating a realistic background noise melange for Pay Phone On Busy Street, Cell Phone In Crowded Square, Calling From Inside Of Bathroom, Calling From Police Headquarters, and so on. This is so heroes can place a call that does not reveal the beep-beep-whirrrrr-chk-chk-chk-chk noise of the Big Computer in the secret base.
A library of local and applicable federal law books. (Dusty, never used.)
Big map of the local area with pushpins. You just gotta have one of these.
I assume that not ONLY superheroes are going to be housed at the site? Some support staff must be included.
An Attache/Liason to the Government/Law Enforcement.
A Communications Studio with a Public Relations man.
A Classroom…hey, somebody gotta teach the next generation of superheroes how to do their thing, after all, they dont teach Superhero 101 at the local community college.
Superheroes, of course,
A seperate reception area’d be nice. Some members of the public are going to want to come in (“But I have to see Chrono-Man, he’s the only one that can help me!”) but there’s no point in letting them get into the inner compound until you know they’re legit.
Your brig should have super-power dampening rays. Sure they cost more but when you factor in the reduced insurance premiums they actually save you money in the long run.
And a good nano-forge is always handy. You’ll find yourself using it around the house in a million ways.
Using another source – the Bond movies – as a template, perhaps you should narrow down your options where your base will be. Form tends to dictate function. A spawling Kentucky estate with horse stables? An orbiting space station with lots of rooms? An alpine hideaway atop a largely inacessible mountain? A paramilitary base with rocketship launch capabilities in the midst of a Japanese volcano? A series of lairs strewn across a half dozen ghettos in major cities? An arctic ice palace? A South American radio array? Atlantis?
I was gonna say you need an emergency room, but I reconsidered, and decided what you really need is a torpedo tube that routes you directly to whichever hospital is best at whatever kind of medical repair you need at the moment. You’d end up sliding through the ventilation shaft and landing on a gurney that’s always kept unoccupied just for that reason.
And you’d need a calendar with naked tentacled people on it.
Also, since your team has to have at least one member who is super-strong, you’ve got to have a series of ultraheavy weight and workout machines, up to a 5000-tonne hydraulic press.
This may be reaching a bit, but I would recomend a film-set and storeroom of props.
Just thinking of the episode of Mission: Impossible where they convince the bad guy to fess up to where he placed a bomb by making him think he has been in a coma for thirty years and woke up in the future, and is now on trial by his home country as a possible turncoat–which he can only prove he isn’t by telling them about the dam he blew up thrity years previous.
All achieved by the use of carefully crafted futuristic looking sets and nifty special effects. And one hell of a load of BS.
Mission: Impossible…mmmmmmmmm beautiful
What about a hospital? Oh, it’s already been mentioned 4 times…
That, at least, has been decided. A large subterranean space underneath a certain city block in NYC.
Loving some of the suggestions so far…
A detention facility for all those Evil Bikini-Clad Femme Fatale Henchwomen found lounging around seductively in every major supervillian base. They can be reformed, and I will provide all the personal attention they nedd–to reform! I mean, to reform, obviously!
Start early, man! Get heroes when they’re young! http://www.ps238.com/
All of this will be sucking up a lot of juice. You’ll be wanting a cold fusion reactor to power up the place. As a bonus, if you’re ever running low on recruits, you can arrange an “accidental” radiation leak.
Skip on the underwater/River entrance or that annoying Fish-Man will be dropping by all the time asking to tag along on missions.
Colors. Don’t forget the colors. Be sure to use the right shade on all your base buildings and equipment. Each of them should stand out. The should in no way gel with each other. Pop out, thats the word. Or else, the superheros may pick up the atmoizer, mistaking it for the coffee maker. Use lots of red, green and blues. Avoid black, grey or any remotely dull/dark colors, unless you want to be mistaken as a base for the supervillans.
Let’s not forget the facade, you know what disguises the base from normal passerby. I mean, sure the original Justice League building was sweet, but do you really want to have the fruit vendors union picketing outside every time a super-brawl erupts into the street and you happen to throw the villain through somebody’s livelihood? I think not.
Some summarization and some elaboration:
Labs–There should be specialized stations for genetic analysis, chemical analsyis, radiation studies (well-shielded), and so forth. These should probably be in separate bays, at least. A mass spectrometer is essential. Everyone should have one; I think they make great housewarming gifts. A separate forensics facility is also recommended. Just because Bats does everything at the same station doesn’t mean it’s good practice.
Infirmary–The folks at the ER think Peter Parker has an abusive wife. Better to have someplace discreet to get patched up. More major injuries would be dealt with at a trauma center, unless the hero in question is secretly nonhuman.
Containment/isolation rooms–A couple of comfortably appointed rooms with heavy shielding, airtight seals, and a negative air pressure system feeding into a decontamination unit. This is suitable for reducing the risk of spreading bio, chemical, and radioactive contamination. They should be comfortable because a hero may be spending quite some time in one while trying to figure out how to prove he’s not an impostor.
Secret exits–Air shafts, sewer exits, even a modest office building putatively occupied by some boring law firm on the street above. Costumed individuals regularly crawling in and out of a manhole tends to draw attention (except in Paragon City, of course). Heroes should make a point of varying their routines for security reasons. Habits are vulnerabilities.
Library–Not just occult, although most of the actual bound books may be on occult subjects. Most of the rest could be computerized, and should include a large array of reference books. Languages (living and dead), archaeology, medicine (general and obscure), law, and history should all be readily available. A good “Who’s Who” reference for all major fields of study should also be present, so they can find experts quickly. Again, a database probably makes the most sense–there may even be one on the web. Oh, and there should be a selection of fiction as well, more for characterization than anything else–a hero’s tastes in fiction could make for an amusing bit of roleplaying. Imagine catching Jon Stewart with the latest formula romance…
Independent power source–Enough said.
Independent communications system–Cell phones won’t cut it underground, and you don’t want your comms out.
Full gym–Add a sauna and hot tub, too. If space allows, include a pool for general cool-down (also useful for rehabilitation after major injuries).
A sign–“X days since the last on-the-job injury.” With all the numbers lost except the 0.
A mucking great, dark pit–This is for ambiguous death scenes when the villains inevitably break into the headquarters.
I think it would be amusing to have a “lair-warming” party at which older, established heroes show up to visit with things they know the team will have forgotten. 