It’s a fantasy, and usually, at the end of it all, the person having the fantasy is the one in control. A man with a cuckhold fantasy hires/asks/convinces another man to have sex with his usual partner… but you see, he’s the one initiating all this, sets the rules, etc. It’s not his partner actually running off to have a deep relationship with someone else. Just as the woman with the rape fantasy doesn’t want to be actually raped with all the potentially brutality and loss of control. She wants a fantasy “ravaging” that at base she actually controls - choosing the partner, the setting, the (very important) limits on what actually happens.
As long as everyone is adult, consenting, and no one gets hurt I don’t see a problem here. Preferably, you want everyone to have a good time as well.
I won’t come right out and say that people suggesting it’s about the man being in control are completely wrong, but I think for the vast majority of men with this particular fantasy it’s way off.
Sure, it’s a fantasy initiated by the man the overwhelming majority of the time. But most couples that actually do it have lots of experience trying other forms of dominance and submission and S&M. Lot’s of men with fantasies of being degraded or humiliated want it done exactly on their terms, but men in relationships who actually get to do it, in my experience, sincerely want to give up control and have wives willing to take it.
As far as whether it’s healthy, Fear of the Dark, I think there’s at least two issues. Can you accept that it’s a fantasy you have and not be judgmental about yourself? Being cuckolded is objective a bad, humiliating thing. If you think you’re a bad person who deserves to be treated badly, it’s not psychologically healthy.
If you can accept you’re a good valuable worthwhile person who happens to have a unusual fetish for being cuckolded, then it’s a perfectly healthy and not all that rare fantasy.
The 2nd issue becomes whether you want to actually try it and how that desire impacts your real relationships. Your girlfriend/wife might not be ok just because you are, for instance. And even if you guys both are you are likely to find it’s much different in reality with your real girlfriend than in your head. If it ruins your relationship then it’s clearly not psychologically healthy.
My first thought was that large angry negro dude with the friend who didn’t run over a dog a few threads ago … One man in his time plays many parts and all that.
Probably Craigslist or a meetup site of some sort. Believe it or not, there are actually men out there looking for no strings attached sex with women. Pretty crazy this world we live in.
I have no probs at all. I do bet, though, the specifically black man thing is a mostly american only cuckold thing. I hesitate to speculate why.
The only thing I have had a bit like this is when I am feeling a bit inadequete I have wondered if it would be better to have her serviced by someone else with more comptence than me but it is not a fantasty quite, although it is a bit sexual come to think of it.
(By the way you should definitely visit my link cause it goes into a whole load of this stuff, more deeply than other posts in this thread so far. Also Alice’s thing about the therapist reminds me of a thread I wanna start some time accusing most therapists of not having a clue what they’re talking about.)
I have seen this same type of thing acted out with Biker or rough types. We had a banker in our neighborhhod when I was a kid working in a service station who had myself and the other gas pumper do his wife on seperate occassions. I used to hang out in biker bars and have been propositioned a couple times to do a wife but turned it down. A bit odd but not really all that unusual I think.
Sounds to me like what most people in this thread are talking about is not a cuckold fantasy, but a voyeur fantasy. A voyeur wants to watch his/her partner have sex with another person. A “cuck” wants a man to come over, punch him in the balls, call him a little manboy, fuck his wife (possibly even in another room where the husband can’t even watch) and cum on his face. There’s a lot more to cuckolding as a fetish than his wife having simple sex with another man, and it generally involves Submission and/or Bondage/Discipline - not of the wife, of the husband.
ETA: And, as always with sex, there’s nothing wrong or unhealthy about it, as long as everyone involved truly is consenting and proper safety precautions are taken.
And how did you know the man in question? :dubious:
Again, that therapist was talking about this one specific man, knowing how he was and what possibly motivated him. WTF are you to come in here and say that she was wrong?
I sort of get the cuck thing in general but not so much the black guy specifically. I look at a fair amount of porn. Most of it being stills not movies. Do a search on “tumblr humiliation” (for example) and most of the cuck stuff is with black guys. I can’t not really see it as anything but some racial kink.
I think it has to do with an internalized stereotype, yes. I’m not sure if I’d call it a racial kink or not. I think it’s in line with the other dominant alpha male savage behaviors like the dickpunching and emasculating. It’s an internalized fear, implanted and encouraged by mainstream culture, “thug” culture and gangsta culture, of the young black man and of his hyper-masculine presence.
It may also…and here I’m drifting into psychotherapy land, which is always sketchy when talking about kink…possibly be enough of an “other” that the husband doesn’t feel *emotionally *cuckolded. That’s what he needs to feel safe - the assurance that his wife won’t be interested in this man other than as a sexual partner, because he’s as different from her mate as it’s possible to be.
One man in his time plays many parts and all that.