Some quiet island in the South Pacific. I might want to escape the planet again so I’m not turning it over to any government.
Scarlett Johansson’s back yard. Having my own frickin’ spaceship is probably the best shot I’ll ever have.
Send a message from orbit, perhaps with a really hideous-looking animated image.
‘PEOPLE OF EARTH! You have the extreme honour of becoming the GHRXLTHYNTI’s next source of sustenance! You will be kept very well. You will be healthy and happy. You will be SLAUGHTERED humanely, and roasted over our rivers of lava. Your bones will be savoured!’
Then switch to an actual (disguised) live feed of myself.
‘JUST KIDDING! AHAHAHAHAHA! Geez, you should see your faces! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!’
Beginning in five of your Earth minutes!
Hell, a frood’s gotta do what a frood’s gotta do, y’know? 
Plenty of time to have some fun before finally opening negotiations with the assorted superpowers, before selling it to the U.S. government for about double Bill Gates’ net worth.
One thing, I am not going to Roswell again no matter what they promise, bunch of untrustworthy, spacecraft stealing sons of bi… Um never mind that, back to this.
Would perhaps first go to the ISS - not to dock so much to be in a place which is publicly visible, and hang around for negotiations and to gather public support but staying out of weapons range. Would tend to go as public as possible as set up the earth landing zone for the greatest public viewing.
In this scenario it sounds like I’d better get checked out by a proctologist, pronto!
Tonight on SyFy
Stoneburg gets ripping drunk and kidnaps the most desirable woman in motion pictures, for a night of intergalactic love. After knocking over a package goods store for refreshments, they might end up like this, or this, or maybe even this. But definitely not like this. Tune in tonight for “Chariots of the Sods?” at [del]half-passed Uranus[/del] 9:00PM.
Only on SyFy
I saw that.
Time for my thoughts on the question.
This is pretty close to my idea. Highly public appearances with thousands of witnesses. Then set the craft down somewhere quiet long enough to break into a sporting goods store and steal enough gear including a dirt bike and gas cans for an extended run in a desert. Get back on board and hop to some desolate spot in Arizona. Land it to where it will soon be covered in sand, break out the bike and head for civilization. The remaining crew gets clean executions. Cold hearted I know, but their options are slow death when resources run out or some government’s research lab.
Basically there’s no government I would trust with that kind of advanced technology.
With a few slight modifications, we could change your plan to combine the plots of Airwolf and Alf.
Cardiff, of course.
My backyard of course, then just casually stroll into my house as if its the most natural thing in the world.
This made me genuinely laugh out loud, but you probably shouldn’t pull that stunt too many times or the next city will be waiting to shoot you down!
Does it have windows, because I’m definitely going to want to moon Skywalker Ranch. Then kidnap a couple of auto guys to paint and pimp my new ride. When I finally land it on the White House lawn (after the Dems win the next election) I want it dazzling. (If the Repubs win I’m landing in Mexico City.)
I’ll park it next to that house with the huge shark sticking out of the roof. No one will take notice. It’ll just seem normal for the neighborhood.
What, I’m supposed to tell people I have it? Why? Nah, I’ll just leave it there for now. Maybe it’ll come in handy later.
I mean, technically, I’d probably just land it wherever NASA told me to. There’s not a big advantage to being put in jail or fined should I choose to disembark on Earth, because I chose to land somewhere not cleared for it.
But, in the interest of humor, I do like the idea of trying to pull a Dr Who, picking a chick, landing near her, and asking if she wants to cruise the solar system. If nothing else, I’d be curious what the actual success rate is.
Would the ship enable me to, for example, conquer a nation of my choice?
Not as such. But it does have HD cameras and monitors to die for.
I did consider the hiding it in plain sight option. But that still leaves what to do with the dozen remaining crew.
It is a research vessel so it doesn’t have any offensive weapons. But if you subscribe to the pen is mightier than the sword school and that knowledge is power, remember the onboard computer system that doesn’t even notice firewalls, encryption, or network security. You could likely blackmail, extort, or just create and plant evidence to make it to the top of most modern countries.
Land at the Cadillac Graveyard in Amarillo, get out, drop to my knees and yell “You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!” Climb back in and fly away. Land at Burning Man. Blend in.
Mecca.
Park it off an abandoned highway and disguise it as a retro-future diner. Of course it would have to be open as a real diner to keep its cover. I hope one of the drones is a short order cook.
Another good place would be an old amusement park, like Heritage USA. Cover it with rust colored paint and put a sign out front “Rocket to Heaven Ride!”
Please forgive me.
This is tactless, and insensitive and heartless. I’m sorry I posted it.
Really,