Let’s say for example that your sister in law is coming into town. You see her maybe once a year and so you’re going to a restaurant with her for dinner. You know she’s a vegetarian.
Would it be rude to order a steak?
What about chicken soup (a less obvious and bloody meat)?
This was inspired by another thread (in GD) in which a vegan encouraged people not to eat meat in front of him.
Meat eater here. My take is this:
If a vegetarian guest is coming to town to eat at YOUR house, it would be VERY rude to serve a meat-based entree without at least providing an acceptable vegetarian dish that he/she can eat.
If you invite a vegetarian relative to join you at a restaurant, it would be VERY rude to pick a restaurant that doesn’t provide a decent choice of vegetarian dishes. Don’t take a vegetarian to a steakhouse or barbecue joint where you KNOW that every entree is beef, and then act as if he/she is is being whiny and petulant for resenting that. You might also want to pick a place you know has a good salad bar.
Most vegetarians aren’t hermits, and they already know that most people eat meat. While you can’t expect them to LIKE that, you can usually expect them to accept that without making a huge fuss. But make sure of that ahead of time- call your vegetarian friendr ahead of time, toss out the names of a few restaurants, and see if one of them gets a particularly positive or negative reaction.
Don’t make a big deal about what you order OR what he/she orders. If you want a steak or a burger, order it- but DON’T make a big deal of how yummy it is, or what a treat the vegetarians are missing. Talk about sports, the weather, your families, whatever- but don’t talk about vegetarianism. That’s just asking for a fight.
I don’t think it’s a big deal. I don’t get offended or consider it rude when people eat non-kosher food in front of me (and it’s really the same sort of situation). You could certainly “go the extra mile” and not order the steak, but I don’t see any real harm in doing so.
(N.B. If she’s the “militant” type who railes against anyone who eats meat [as opposed to the “live and let live” types] then definitely don’t order the steak. That’s simply provoking her.)
Zev Steinhardt
I would also advise not saying things like, “Man, dead animal flesh is yummy.”
Personally, I’d be highly offended if I was out eating with someone who tried to inflict their eating choices on me. I do eat meat, but would never request that a vegetarian do so, and I certainly would never expect that they insist I don’t eat meat in their presence.
I was a vegan for seven years. The way I look at it, my diet was my decision, that I made for my own set of reasons, none of which involved brow-beating meateaters about their choices. As long as no one was shoving it in my face, it never bothered me. Even when they did shove it in my face, it didn’t bother me, aside from thinking how defensive they were becoming based on my eating habits.
If we were dining together, I’d say go ahead and order the steak. If you comment that it’s particularly good, I’d respond that I was glad. Anything beyond this, such as telling me I don’t know what I’m missing, I’m not getting enough protein, blah blah… gets tiring. I just want to eat, not start a debate on the rights of vegetables, which would happen weekly. Maybe I was a minority, but I was never out to convert anyone.
Maybe you could ask her? Would she be married to your brother? Could you ask him? This is certainly showing a great deal of respect, as far as I’m concerned. Now that I’m no longer vegan, or vegetarian, I do this, and people seem to appreciate it. Just the gesture of asking would be enough for me, though, again, vegans come in all stripes.
If it’s such an infrequent event, maybe just diffuse the whole thing and take her to a vegetarian restaurant? You’ll still get some tastey food and score some points.
Speaking as a vegetarian I don’t think it would be rude to eat meat in front of her. The vegetarian restaurant suggestion is a good idea if you think she would think it was rude but if you don’t want to go to one make sure you go somewhere which has a good choice of vegetarian dishes to choose from as there’s nothing more annoying than going somewhere that has only vegetarian lasagne on the menu 
Devil’s advocate, but something to consider: many vegetarians, and especially vegans, get queasy at the thought of meat (at least many in the circles in which I move). I had a vegan roommate who hated the smell once, so I was asked not to cook anything meat-related during times she was at home. Ask politely, or just say “I’m thinking steak…” if said person responds politely “please don’t, it will spoil my appetite” then your answer is clear… if she starts to lecture you, order extra rare.
Yep, it sure is. Ask for a new table and eat your steak there.
I don’t think it would be rude to eat meat in the presence of a vegetarian, but it may become an insurmountable problem if they make it so (either through necessity - they get physically sick at the sight, or through deliberate effort of will).
Personally, I’d take it as an opportunity to sample something vegetarian from the menu that I wouldn’t normally try - vegetarian restaurant food is often very good indeed (but I’d go for something that is a veg recipe in it’s own right, rather than something that is trying very hard (and miserably failing) to be meat)
I’m vegan and if you want to chow down on steak in front of me, I don’t care. If you verbally harrass me about my preference, I don’t care either and just think how stupid it makes you look. I always keep quiet about the subject unless someone asks, and then I mention it briefly and don’t dwell on it.
But astorian’s points 1 and 2 are totally right on. I couldn’t agree more. Thanks, astorian. If you aim to feed me, please take my preference into consideration. As for what you feed yourself, it’s entirely your own business.
Once my work team, at the end of an offsite meeting, decided to head out for lunch together. They chose a steakhouse. I gently said “See you later,” and went my own way alone. No harm, no foul. They chose to exclude my scintillating companionship, I don’t care; their loss. 
<---- Veggie boy here. I don’t think it’s rude at all that people eat meat when I am at the dinner table, nor does it bother me. The only thing that I think is rude is when someone tries to force their food preferences on someone else. "C’mon, one burger w’ont kill you, or “Do you know that meat is murder?” Now that’s rude IMHO. I do have friends who cannot stand to be around meat, however, and they will simply refuse an invitation if meat is going to be served which of course is their right.
Squid, sushi, and oysters makes me a bit queasy, but I would never expect anyone I was dining with in a restaurant to forgo eating it because I was there. I just avoid looking at their plates.
It might be more considerate to not eat something very bloody, but unless you know she’s extremely squeamish about meat, eat what you want. Most vegetarians that go out to typical restaurants aren’t that way. Not eating veal (one of the least humanely ‘produced’ meats) would be kind. I am a vegetarian yet cook meat for my husband, but I won’t buy veal to prepare at home - and he dislikes how the veal calves are treated, so he doesn’t want to eat it either.
Like others in this thread, I don’t try to recruit people to vegetarianism. This may not be the case of your sister-in-law, but hopefully it is.
I don’t see where it would generally be a problem eating meat in front of a vegetarian, but I heard the following too many times during my vegetarian years:
Meat-eater: “Here, would you like some (insert meat dish here)?”
Vegetarian: “No thanks, I’m a vegetarian.”
Meat-eater: “Would you like just a little then?”
Really, what part of “I’m a vegetarian” do you not comprehend? :smack:
(I’m not implying that all people who eat meat are like this, I became a meat-eater myself, but I’ve heard things like the above way too many times.)
It’s no more rude than a vegetarian eating broccoli in front of you.
Follow astorian’s advice and you’ll be fine. If you sis complains, tie her up, tape her eyelids open and make her watch you bob for nickels in 5 pounds of ground round.
I don’t think it would be rude and doubt she would mind. But, if this is a question you’re actually dealing with then why not pass on the meat for a meal. Then if it comes up in conversation on her initiative, you can ask. I am a meat eater and love a good steak but it’s not like I can’t have a good meal w/out meat.
It’s hard to beat a good salad w/ pasta and fresh bread once in a while.
Especially if there is a Porterhouse next to it:)
Especially if there is a Porterhouse next to it
I hear ya boy…I had a Ribeye last night and a t-bone tonight! and am fixing to go make me another margarita right now.
So There!
I just hope I’m not outta cigars.
Vegan checking in: I agree, not rude at all. The only rude thing would be to start some debate over the relative merits/failings of a particular diet (unless you both feel like having this discussion), or for either of you to make disparaging comments or faces at the other’s plate. What you eat is your business, not mine, and vice versa. But it would be rude to completely disregard another person’s food choices in the selection of a restaurant- if your friend is vegan and you insist on going to Wet Jimmy’s Hot Organ Meats, you’re being rude and inconsiderate. If you’re a vegan and you insist on going to the Ewok’s Organic Garden of Nothing That Had A Mom, you’re also being rude and inconsiderate. But I imagine most everyday restaurants would be fine, unles your SIL is a militant or hardcore vegan. Fast food places can be a lot harder on veggies, although I hear Burger King has a vegan-approved TVP* ‘burger’.
*textured vegetable protein
I always ask, nay, demand vegans don’t eat tofu in front of me. Yuck.