This is kind of sadistic, but I’m in that kind of mood…just put the location and cause of the previous person’s death…
This sucks, but you will die when you get hit by a taxi cab on E 87th Ave.
They say that no one ever died from eating broccoli. They’re wrong.
your tie gets caught in a shredder your shredder gets caught in a crocodile your crocodile gets caught in a trash truck your trash truck explodes… you get the gyst?
Noodles! You will have noodles stuffed in your nose by a nefarious villian. Then you will suffocate.
Old age. How f’n dull.
You will be attacked by a ravening horde of ticks that have just fed on a vampire, making them immortal and eternally thirsty for blood. Upon your demise, you too will become a vampire.
A vampire tick.
The small group of squirrels you oh, so innocently were feeding tidbits to in the lovely, grassy park the last few weeks seems to have grown. There are now (guesstimating) over a few hundred and the little sweet gleam in their eyes has been replaced by intense scrutiny that today makes you very nervous ouch!
You turn at the small sharp pain at your left ankle and find tiny teethmarks embedded into your skin. ouch! What’s this? Turning, you find more such marks imprinted and bleeding from your right calf. ouch! More pains this time, not so small. ouch, ouch, OUCH! Hey! This is getting a tad bit annoying. OUCH, OUCH, OUCH… !
They find you hours later, still sitting on your bench, still holding your bag of bread crumbs on your lap but you’re just a naked and slightly moist skeleton. The squirrels are nowhere to be seen…
SPOOOOOOON!!!
(vague old cartoon reference)
A rectal thermometer accident.
Next Tuesday.
Sorry…
It will be a grizzly accident involving 3 gallons of lime jello, a gross of live roosters, 2 sheep, a case of Redi-Whip, and a large seedless watermelon. Oh, and you have till next Thursday to figure it all out. Good bye.
Ah, how sad for NoClueBoy. Autoerotic asphyxiation is such an undignified way to die, and will be quite unexpected next Thursday.
dun … dun
dun … dun
dun … dun
dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun,dundundundundundundundundundunCHOMP!!!
Maybe that beach vacation wasn’t such a smart idea?
I won’t give any specifics, but after you’re gone, we will all know what’s so funny about peace, love and understandin’.
Two weeks from yesterday. Asteroid impact. On the up side, it will make the evening news and everyone will remark on how lucky it was that only one person died …
Piñata
Over thirty 9 yr olds
Accidently wearing a paper mache body suit
Misplaced gaden rake and trampoline
Fire ants
Genie with a speech impediment
46 pounds of chocolate
One faulty microwave oven
I can’t even type any more becuase of the horror of it all…
Oh yeah, in the next five minutes. At least you won’t have to worry for long. 
Fern Forest Termites. Big ones that dance like Riverdance as they chew, just to annoy you and make you suffer.
Well, when The Stars Are Right, and I awake, you will be among the first to be devoured. Sorry about that.
Anyone else notice the two predictions for NoClueBoy’s demise by WhiteyFoo and cbawlmer are not mutually exclusive and both agree on the time? Creepy …
As you lay on the sidewalk, the last bit of consciousness leaving your body with the last breath, you realize that maybe it wasn’t such a funny joke to walk by the Red Gang’s lair wearing the Blue’s colors.