Hi. My name is Evan, and I’m a Dopaholic.
So you’re likely subscribed to “The Straight Dope.” Or perhaps you’re a guest. I’m a guest, this time. A couple years ago, before I moved out of my home state, I was here as a subscribed member – when the board was still free to read and post. I had a fancy, trendy username, was somewhat respected for my different, open-minded point of view, had fun and made friends.
When I saw the first signs of addiction setting in and it was convenient to let my subscription lapse as I moved away and had to get a new email and a new life. I came back to sign up again last year and discovered new fees, not unreasonable, but I thought to myself: “This is like getting hooked on drugs, that’s how they ‘get’ you. First they give it away free, to get you hooked, then after the claws are in, they start the extortion. So I lurked for a long time.
The SDMB had changed in the interim, as well. Probably always does, but you don’t notice it when you’re in the middle of it. I saw some strange things, some good things, some bad things. People changed, especially moderators. Saw a someone get banned, and couldn’t understand why; it smacked of prejudice, there was no explanation, nothing obvious, though it provoked a heated discussion/disagreement afterward (few bannings do). I lurked, and I read, and I learned. It was harder without a subscription, but I couldn’t post, and that saved me, time is what it saved.
Then I decided it was time to try myself out. I signed up as a guest, so I could make postings. Now I’m a guest, with a plain username, testing to see if I can handle it again, and it’s not looking good. I can feel the cold grip of addiction squeezing out my life, and fooling me into thinking this is better, that I feel better.
You see, “The Straight Dope” is highly addictive.
Some people are capable of their light or moderate daily dose of the Dope and they can keep it going, keep living, not OD, and not start down that vicious spiral to the crash point I’m heading for. Others (as indicated by my recent poll) have lots of time, for various reasons, and can enjoy the pleasures of posting with a clear conscience.
Some folks can drop in every couple of days for a light boost, some can even use it as a recreational drug, just when they have the time to spare, and then they stop.
But not me.
I get a dose and I tell myself I can handle it, and I do, at first, then a few days later I can’t seem to tear myself away… so I chill, cool it for awhile, but I know it’s only temporary, and the monkey is still there on my back, grinning, knowing it’s just a matter of time.
I tell myself I can moderate it, take it light, but every day I crack open the web page and spend a few more hours in oblivion. It seems like a few minutes, but when I look at the computer clock…. Oops!
I justify it. I tell myself that it’s educational, that it helps me interact with others (plays well with others), that it’s cutting edge, and that it’s something.
The warning signs are there. My cat comes up and scratches my leg, “Why haven’t you fed me???” The doctor calls (again!) “Did you forget you had an appointment today?” And when I remember, I ignore the computer alarm I’ve set telling myself I’ve got one more minute, just to finish this post. Just to set this guy straight, to get the truth out…. Then 30 minutes later… Oops!
Warning signs, like running into some of the meanest, rudest people, trashing innocents for a misattribution or misspelling. Spending pages putting down people they don’t even know in terms I haven’t seen since 4th grade. Sickos. Jerks. But they don’t get banned… It seems strange. I’m reminded of the town cops that the drug dealers paid off to prevent the ruin of their “business.”
I don’t even fit here. I’m not a radical leftist liberal. I’m not a closed-minded “prove it or die” cynic. I’m not a scientist. I‘m not a fan of James Randi or Michael Moore. (Now Julienne Moore… that’s a different story) And I know lots of you aren’t either, but we seem to keep quieter on certain subjects, afraid to upset the dealers of the drug we crave, who might, on a whim, place BANNED under our name while we’re left to go through withdrawal… Long withdrawal, cause “The Dope” is an insidious drug with a long half-life.
I like it here. I LOVE it here! I don’t want to leave! But I can’t stay. I have (or had) a life. A life in which I talked to people, kept agreements, made appointments, finished projects. Not a life in which I made sure I got in the last word or at least ensured my post was understood.
I know, I know it’s not really like that here, it’s the distortions of the drug. 90% of dopers are decent people, seeking more knowledge, sharing what they know, having internet fun and wanting to show off their skills. Good stuff. It’s the best board on the internet, IMO. There are the few that think they are above, better than others, that brings a fetid stench of decay and fear into these noble halls of the “Straight Dope"'s truths, but they are a minority.
The Straight Dope means the Honest Story, and Cecil has worked hard to bring truth and complete information to the teeming millions. We hope to be mini-cecils, adding to that straight knowledge, but we aren’t Cecil.
For me, then, I will have to take a break. I’ll see if I can get a handle on the addictive qualities of the SDMB, and if I feel I can I’ll have to give it a good try and pay the dues, since I can’t be a guest twice.
For the many of you who are able to manage brief sorties, keep track of their time, or who have the time to use and enjoy it – more power to you, and some genuine admiration. I’ll be around for a few more days, till my guest subscription runs out, then it’s back to lurking for me.
Thanks for the memories.
EvanS
