I’m sure this has been asked before but I can’t search these forums, so…
I started a new job recently. The work itself is interesting and what I’ve always wanted to do.
I’m in my mid-twenties and female. I’m ID-ing the age and sex of the people I work with only because it might be relevant to office dynamics.
It’s a small, open-plan office with three co-workers, a boss and a receptionist.
I’m the youngest and most junior employee.
My boss, who is male, is great - patient, takes time to answer questions, likes me to have a go at unfamiliar tasks so I learn “on the job”, and so on.
The receptionist is nice enough, as is one of the other co-workers who is quite laid-back.
My problem is dealing with the other 2.
Number One is female, about five years older than me. She is very uptight and reserved. That’s fine, I can deal with that. But she is also (I feel), rude and dismissive of me. I haven’t responded in any way to this except to continue to do what she asks me to do (which is the boring parts of her job) and not respond to the veiled rudeness.
Number Two is female, about ten years older than me and works part-time. She has two little kids. She is nice enough but is constantly leaving me work she hasn’t completed properly, for me to do on her days off on top of my own work. That would be OK, except half the time her work is incorrect or substandard and I’m too inexperienced to know this until I’ve wasted half a day on it and then find it is rejected.
Sorry if I can’t be more specific about the time of work I do - let’s just say that there are deadlines and client’s livelihoods often depend on the work being up-to-scratch.
I’m getting to the point where I’m dreading going to work on Monday. I don’t like being treated badly and I’m scared that there will soon come a point where I won’t be able to stop myself from telling One or Two to fuck off. At which point I can kiss my job goodbye.
Any advice from those who have been there? How would you deal with or resolve this situation?
This may sound sexist but I dead serious and we have discussed this dynamic a few times here. You have fallen into the Female Office Dilemma. It is a classic trap that shocks many people, not just females, when they start work in some companies.
Let’s cut to the chase:
Number one hates you because you are younger and serve as a very real threat to every aspect of her being. One of many dominance contests is going to have to sort this one out if it ever does. Be confident and march straight ahead without any special regard to her no matter what. Don’t provoke but don’t allow yourself to be provoked either.
Number two is just standard low-grade workplace incompetence. Learn your job and then start being assertive about what she can and can’t give you. That will come in short order.
As a general rule, workplaces that are too heavy on females can become extremely hostile, backstabbing, and competitive. Heavily male workplaces can go bad in other ways but they are usually so blatantly hostile. Mixed sex workplaces tend to be the least hostile by far. There are workplaces of all types that manage to work but what you describe is classic and cliched.
Ignore Number One. There is someone like her at every place of employment. You’ve just got to get used to the type. Don’t let her get you down.
Number Two you can do something about. The next time she gives you a sloppy piece of work, take it to the boss. Don’t make it seem like you’re complaining about her. Instead, adopt a wide-eyed innocent approach and say, “Gee, Boss, I just don’t get it. Number Two asked me to finish up this project that she started. Only thing is, X, Y, and Z seem to be be wrong/missing. Now, I know that Two has been here for so many years, so it can’t be anything that she’s doing wrong. I’m sure I must be misunderstanding something about what she’s done so far. Can you look it at it and tell me what I’m not getting?” In other words, don’t complain - just play slightly naive and let him see for himself that’s she’s slacking.
If your boss is at work when the other two are not, and you have their extra work to do, perhaps you might approach him like this:
“Boss, I have some work to finish up from #1 and #2, and I’m concerned about about the extra work load, which was not explained when I was hired. Also, I’m not sure this is accurate, and since I’m new and still learning, I’m worried about having to finish it up. I’d hate for the client to miss their deadline.”
Possibly, boss was not aware that this work is being left undone and dumped on you. I doubt you can do much about #1’s rudeness. She may not even be aware she’s being rude, or perhaps she’s that way to everybody. BUT the workload aspect is certainly addressable.
I work in the education field (predominately women.) In my experience, women just don’t get along in the same ways as men. It is frustrating at times because I get pulled (sometimes the lone guy around) into the drama and what not. I just try to stay out of it.
It just really seems to me that you will find this wherever you go. It may come across as sexist and I am sure that someone will chime in and say that I am wrong, but women just don’t seem to get along very well with each other in workplace situations.
By realizing it’s just a job, and not taking it so seriously.
You’re young, you have lots of time. Do your job carefully and competently, learn everything you can, never pass up the chance to gain new skills, and don’t worry about the politics. It’s only two people, there are BILLIONS of people in the world, you’ll meet some nicer ones soon enough.
If the others are the ones creating ‘the shit’, then they deserve to have that addressed by their superior. The existence of a new guy doesn’t give people the right to slack off, do crap work, and dump their leftovers on the new guy. And anyway, if the OP becomes exasperated enough to leave this job, the others will have to do their own work anyway.
On paper you are correct. In practice, you will just make a mess of things. The boss will already know that you are right so that isn’t the problem. What he or she really wants is for you to create your own relationships with these people in whatever form works.
Let’s look at the possible outcomes of making some rather general complaints to the boss
You look weak, naive, or insecure. He hoped you would be the one to finally tame those two. He has already tried to deal with them. He does nothing.
Even though he knows it won’t get you anywhere, he talks to both of them. The each hate you even more and wonder why got hired if you are such a troublemaker.
Let’s assume for a moment that you’re right on all counts. You may be - I haven’t worked in an office for about 5 years, and office politics are a misty memory at this point - what about the clients, whose jobs don’t get done, or are being done inadequately by an untrained person?
It’s unreasonable to expect the new person to take responsibility for these things. Yet that sounds as if it’s happening. What should be done in practice to address this issue?
A few weeks ago I told my acting boss (one of my peers) that I thought that an action hee was taking was sleazy. He explained his point of view and I said that while I inderstood it I wouldn’t have chosen the course he chose. End of story. We went out for lunch together last Friday.
Now say I had gone directly to his boss with my misgivings, how do you imagine he would have thought about me then? Backstabber? Snitch? Not a team player?
I’m inclined to avoid going to the boss about this issue, because
a) He seems to like and respect One and Two;
b) He is the kind of guy that doesn’t want to be bothered with these kind of disputes (and to be fair, he is extremely busy at work, has to answer my questions and check my work before it goes out, and maybe, as a middle-aged guy, he is oblivious to the whole subliminal hostility thing between me and One);
c) I really don’t want to come off as whiny and unprofessional (I’m already the inexperienced young graduate whose work he keeps an eye on; he likes me enough to have said that I remind him of himself at the same age, professionally).
I am more feminist than not, but it does seem like every person I have difficulties with at work have been female. I thought maybe I’ve been doing something wrong, giving off some wrong signals, but I try to dress and behave professionally and I went to an all-girls school, so you’d think I’d have some idea of how to relate to other women.
Thanks for all the advice. I’m still considering it all at the moment.
I’ll be the lone dissenter and say I don’t think this a women thing, but a lousy coworker thing. Do you think all-male work environments don’t have dismissive, rude coworkers or lazy incompetents? That they’re all utopian and shit? Do you think guys go around thinking that their coworkers hate them because they’re jealous? Hells no!
It may be that Number 1 is dismissive to everyone, not just you. Do your job and ignore her when she’s mean, but extra sweet to her when she’s kind. Compensate for her cold shoulder by seeking warmth from the more friendly coworkers. It could be that the other coworkers feel the same way about Number 1 and have developed some strategies for dealing with her. Some people are just mean biatches and there’s nothing you can really do about it, except create Pit threads about them.
Dealing with Number 2 is a bit harder. I think you should go to her when she’s given you incorrect work and ask for clarification. “I was looking at this, and I’m not understanding why it says __. Did you mean __ maybe?” After doing this a bunch of times, she’ll hopefully get the hint and be more careful.
It seems to me that the work load issue is something you have to take up with the boss.
I’ve been in my current job for just over 6 months. I feel like I’m incredibly lucky–I get along great with everyone, and there doesn’t seem to be an ego in the whole bunch–including the boss. Things may change, but right now, I couldn’t ask for a better crew to work with.
