Memorable advertising jingles for defunct products

Cafe Society
1

There are several still kicking around obscure corners of my brain, occasionally sneaking into consciousness, even though the products they promoted are either off the market or deep in obscurity.

These relate to growing up in the New York area:

Castro Convertibles. As I remember, these were convertible sofa-beds advertised heavily in the 1960s and apparently even earlier.

*Who’s the first to conquer living space
It’s in-con-tra-vertible
That the first to conquer living space
Is the Castro Convertible

Who conquers space with fine design
who saves you money all the time
who’s tops in the convertible line
Cas-tro convertible!*

I never bought one of these or knew anyone who did. They seem to have been to the '60s what futons were in the '90s.

Then there was Dorman’s Endeco Cheese, a truly oddly named product promoted via lots of radio ads. The jingle’s lyrics were more annoying than memorable, and included the claim that “we make cheese the old-fashioned way”, which I imagine involved a large vat in Passaic, New Jersey. Never ate the stuff.

Lastly there was Rheingold beer, which I seem to remember sponsored the Mets when they were awful, and had a jingle set to a (previously) obscure classical waltz:

My beer is Rheingold, the dry beer
I drink Rheingold whenever I buy beer
Rheingold’s taste ain’t effete
Smells like old stinky feet
Pabst and Schlitz can’t compete
With my beer!

Or something like that. Rheingold went bust after awhile; last I heard it had been reincarnated as a microbrewery beer under new ownership. I’ve never tried either the old or new Rheingold.

Other product jingles you can’t delete from your memory files, no matter how you try?

2

Fruit Corners Fruit Bars.

Taste so good, makes your taste buds shout
Looks so ugly, gonna knock you out!

“They did that to fruit?”
“Tsk tsk tsk, what a pity!”

Fruit Corners Fruit Bars
We think they’re rather pretty!

Fruit Corners…Fruit Bars
So Good

And ugly!
(screeeeeeeeeam)

…From the mid 1980s, FTR.

3

From my childhood in Texas:

Everything is beautiful
At Peacock’s

I can’t even remember what Peacock’s was.

Also Micky Batson Datsun! who got really annoyed when Datsun changed to Nissan (“They ruined my slogan!”).

A defunct fruit drink from the 1980s in England (I write this from memory):

*Way down deep in the middle of the Congo
A hippo took an apricot, a guava and a mango,
He stuck it with the others
And he danced a dainty tango.

The python picked the passionfruit
The marmoset the mandarin
The parrot painted packets
That the whole caboodle landed in.

So when it comes to sun and fun
And goodness in the jungle,
They all prefer the sunny funny one
They call Um-Bongo.

Um-Bongo Um-Bongo
They drink it in the Congo.*

4

Ah, yes, Dorman’s Endeco Cheese. I always wobndered about that name – it’s l;ike Ruth’s Chris Steak House. I spent years wondering what “Endeco” cheese was. They ran TV commercials, too, with animated cows. You neglected to include the lyrics:

*Buy yourself a Package
Of Natural Goodness
Dorman’s Endeco Cheese!

Dorman’s!

Dor-or-man’s
Ooh-ooh-OOH-oooh-oohohh-ohh-OHHHHHH!

(Spoken) Dorman’s – The Cheese With the Paper Between the Slices! *

How about Ipana Toothpaste, with its spokescreature Bucky Beaver?
Brush-a, Brush-a, Brush-a
With your new Ipana!

I think Brylcream is still around, but its jingle isn’t:

Brylcream!
A little dab’ll do ya!

5

Use more only if you dare.
But watch out, the gals will all come to ya.
They’ll love to put their fingers in your hair.

There’s also:

Winston tastes good like a cigarette should.

6

There’s such a thing as purposeful neglect, ya know. :rolleyes:

I had forgotten that part. Were they the first to come up with this innovation? Maybe “Endeco” is Sicilian dialect for “Paper Between The Slices”.

7

Here’s a jingle I remember from back in the 1960’s:

“Two guys singing the jingle pretty fast”…

Moola-Coola, Moola-Coola
Moola-Coola, Moola-Coola
Moola-Coola, Moola-Coola
The softdrink that comes from a cow!!!

8

You’ll wonder where the yellow went
When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent.

9

In Brit pronunciation, do Congo, mango and tango rhyme?!?

10

Mango and tango do. Congo, not so much. Nor does jungle rhyme with any of those words. But it was so enthusiastic, the lack of rhyme was forgiven.

ETA: yay! I found it!. They don’t make ads like that any more.

11

Don’t they still make Pepsodent? :confused:

12

Datsuuuuun! We. Are. Driven!

The first Chevy of the Eighties - Chevy Citation

Northwest Orient <gonnnnngggg> Airlines

13

Yep. We have no problem finding it at the grocery store.

14

In NE Ohio we have:

Garfield 1 2-3-2-3

Which is the old old old telephone number for [looks it up…] The Home Corporation which does…[looks it up…] “Home Improvements.”

They were still using this jingle in the 80’s, but it didn’t really do them any good since everyone remembered the jingle yet there was no way to “call” that number by then.

But alas, it seems like they were saved by the Internet. Now we can “call” www.garfield12323.com and find out what the heck they do.

15

There used to be a home-improvement store called Ole’s in the LA area. The jingle was sung by a woman:

With Ole’s help
You can do anything!

Does anyone remember Zooroni? “Zooroni, Zooroni for Lunch!” My siblings always asked for this canned, animal-shaped pasta product, but our mom never bought any. Same for Beany Weeny, whose jingle was sung to the tune of “Itsy-Bitsy Teeny-Weenie Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini.”

16

Grandma’s Cookies, for which my mother worked (not the cheesy national brand but one local to Portland, Oregon) had this little ditty (from memory)

Buy Grandma’s Cookies
Go try some right away,
You’ll love Grandma’s Cookies,
You’ll eat them every day.

Yum, Yum, Yum, Yum,
Yum, Yum, Yum, Yum -
They’re so tasty,
Better be hasty,
Buy Grandma’s at your grocer’s
Today!

The family owned business that made these cookies was sold off long ago to some chain or something, and the local Grandma’s name retired. My memories include the fact that we always had large tins full of free broken cookies, one of the perks of working there.

(My father worked for a meat-packing plant, so we also had plenty of meat at low prices, but they were wholesale only and so didn’t have a jingle.)

I suppose Kraft Cottage Cheese is still around, but this is like the shortest jingle/commercial I remember:

A cartoon bird rushes onscreen in front of a large clock with a second hand ticking down, and says "I have six seconds to sing:

Buy Kraft Cottage Cheese
You’ll love it, love it,
Buy Kraft (pushes back second hand on clock) Cottage Cheese!"

I guess you had to be there…

Roddy

17

For the rest of the day, I’m going to have the image of Fidel driving around in a convertible, cigar clenched in his teeth, waving his military cap in a carefree manner to the cheering multitudes.

18

I have fond memories of it always beginning to feel like Christmas when I saw the first Payless Christmas commercials:

“Merry Christmas, from Payless
Merry Chriiiiistmaaaaas!”

That was it. But they made me feel all warm and fuzzy.

Hasn’t been such a thing as a Payless in at least ten years. Rite-Aid, my ass.

19

…but the first web hit I got says “out of stock.” And their advertising campaign is definitely defunct.

(Sing to tune of “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad”, in a fast four-beat)

You better get Wildroot Cream-Oil, Charlie
It keeps your hair in trim
You know it’s non-alcoholic, Charlie
It’s made with soothin’ lanolin
You better get Wildroot Cream-Oil, Charlie
Start usin’ it today
You’ll find that you will have a tough time, Charlie
Keepin’ all those gals away (Hi-i-ya Baldy)
A little goes a long long way (You’ll hear me screamin’)
Get a bottle right away (Your druggist has it)
Keeps you lookin’ neat all daaay

20

I remember the commercials in the New York area for Kleinsleep (a local chain of mattress stores).

“Have more fun in bed
Have more fun in bed.
Buy your bed at Kleinsleep, and have more fun in bed!”

The commercials also showed novelty headboards, like the one with a basketball hoop on it.