What do I do about a girlfriend (going on two years) that constantly accuses me of lying about silly obsurd things?
I don’t lie and I have never ever lied about anything to her. Really. Promise.
For example:
Today, on the phone, she was razzing me about something, and said, “Well they are jealous because I look like a movie star, hahaha” etc.
I mentioned to her that I had been in a couple of films screened for a local festival. She told me that I was lying. I informed her that I wasn’t and described both of them to her, what I liked about one and how the other one was kinda lame.
She kept it up, “You are totally lying to me!” Normally, I just let this stuff go but I am getting tired of not being able to tell her something without her accusing me of lying. Its getting old.
I asked her why she does that and she turns it around on me to say, “well you always accuse me of lying.” I never have, so I asked her when I did that. I got the obligatory “whatever”.
:dubious:
So what gives with this behavior? Everything else is good for the most part, just this.
I can’t figure out why and I don’t know. Any thoughts?
I was going to suggest talking to her about it, but you already have.
One other thing you could try is to just give her a nasty look when she accuses you, and continue on with what you are saying. Give her accusations zero validation.
If it is said in a joking manner just let her know that it bothers you and hopefully she won’t do it again. If she is actually accusing you of lying all the time you need to walk away because whether or not you are lying she doesn’t trust you and it is impossible to be in a relationship with someone who can’t believe the things you tell them.
This actually sounds like a situation where sitting down together with some kind of counselor might help. A couple of sessions, and you’ll probably be on your way to solving the problem. Or confirming that it can’t be solved.
Hmm, I went on a few dates with an Iranian woman, and that never happened. But maybe that’s because we never did get really close. It may also be that she’s a good bit older and emotionally mature.
Explain that this is a huge offense; if she doesn’t and won’t trust you in the small things, then there’s no reason for you to believe that she will trust you in important ones.
If she doesn’t cut it out, leave.
I’ve been in similar situations, where something a person said without really meaning it was causing repeated offense to myself or to others; some would cut it out when people explained it was inacceptable in the specific circle, some would declare everybody in the social circle “lame,” some would say “oh I’m sorry” but continue. Options 2 and 3 are just not acceptable.
Terms in question went from accusing someone of inventing things about his own country, to constant calls of “mofo” (or the spelled out version) or calling someone’s girlfriend a ho (“but the singers I like do it the whole time!” - so either you need new singers, or a new hangout, choose).
I think, just once, a tantrum might be in order. A minor one, to be sure, but just to let her know you’re sick of it, for REAL. For whatever reason, it seems like some folks just don’t realize you’re offended whan you say “I’m offended” because they can’t imagine being offended and not going completely batshit nuts. You could try explaining this to her, and if it doesn’t work, go with…
The next time you’re on the phone with her, and she accueses you of lying, just say “Yep, and I’m lying about hanging up on you now, too…<click>” I will bet she gets the picture.
I would just call her on her accusations every time. Like the movie thing. Look on IMBD. My sister was in some goofy local film and her name is in there. She didn’t even know.
Of course you shouldn’t have to prove yourself all the time but it could draw her attention to how much she actually does this and how ridiculous she is being.
You’ve discussed it with her and I’ve no doubt, seeing how you’re both out of high school, that you’ve had adult conversations about support, encouragement, basic manners etc. Those apparently haven’t worked and the woman continues with behavior that calls your basic decency into question. Why, if you’re an adult with no other responsibilities in this matter would you continue to endure the insults?
My guess is this is just a figure of speech to her, like “Get the fuck outta here!” On the surface it might sound harsh but in reality it means nothing more than “You’re kidding!” Ask her what she’s really trying to say. If indeed it is something more accusative, then yes, you probably are best off finding someone else with who you can establish a relationship where mutual trust is the foundation and not a distant goal.
