My Grandfather told me that if someone accuses you of something completely outside your character, they are telling you something about their own character. IME he has never been proven wrong on this. To a man (and woman) everyone who accused me of a fault or action that I would never even consider, turned out to be doing the thing or owning the fault themselves.
If you are very serious about this relationship, then tell her in no uncertain terms that you find this extremely offensive, and you are done being nice about it. Give her a couple of weeks to break the habit, and call her on it then immediately end the conversation any time she does it. Never again continue a conversation in which this occurs.
My bet is that she gets a power surge from you begging her to believe what you’ve said. Ick!
It remains to be seen whether she willbe interested in continuing a relationship in which you insist upon being treated respectfully.
When I saw the title of the thread, I thought “Oh, he must not be looking people in the eye, or he shifts his weight, or does other things that make him not seem believable to many people”.
This is an issue with the person, very clearly.
It sounds like she’s jealous - and doesn’t want you to believe all the little things you’ve done. Sounds like she has some insecurity issues too - movie star?
This sounds like an obnoxious and, yes, revealing bad habit of hers. Or a sign of an awful sense of humor. Possibly somewhat Persian-related, I don’t know (I have Western-indoctrinated Iranian friends who occasionally tell me about standard rules in their families e.g. if someone offers you something you have to refuse three times before accepting).
I was going to brush it off as a bad figure of speech (like telling someone, “You’re insane!” when they say something funny or unusual, but not meaning they’re clinically insane), but when the OP said that she accuses him of saying to her that she lies all the time… not a good sign, I think. Probably the Very Serious Conversation (followed up by sticking to his guns) is the way to go.
Well, how do you guys deal with other issues in your relationship. Because I can tell you that a “whatever” on an issue that genuinely bothered me would be cause for a fight, and I am a fairly easy-going person these days! I can’t even imagine getting a response like “whatever”.
How do you deal with other issues? Does she respect you on other things? Because this sounds like a total lack of respect.
Yeah, I was about to say: if she does this regularly and is sincerely accusing you, odds are that she’s actually lying about stuff to you. Guilty conscience and all that.
I did once have a roommate with the annoying habit of saying “Nuh-uh. You’re lying!” to anything that someone else would have just flickered an eyebrow. Say something to which a normal person might say, “Really?!” and she’d instead say, “Oh, SHUT UP!”
It came across as really offensive - and big surprise, she was annoying and juvenile in a lot of other respects as well - but this was one thing where it was genuinely a case of … I dunno, almost like using a dialect of a language.
So the OP’s case could be something like that. But I doubt it. I’m reading between the lines, sure, but only seeing disrespect, mistrust, and deep-seated insecurities when I do that. (On the lady’s part, not the OP’s, in case I need to make that clear.)
Let us know how it goes, Translucent Daydream. Nothing like a follow-up to give us all a little satisfaction!
But the fact that she responded to your concern with “whatever” PLUS the fact that you called it “obligatory,” meaning she does that all the time? That’s a bad sign, honey.
Someone who cares about you will care about how the things she does make you feel. I don’t know how to articulate it better than that.
Yeah her family isn’t down with the new regime so they don’t like the whole “Islamic Repulic of Iran” thing. They prefer to be called Persians.
(at least this family does)
One of my kitchenmates (the only one who could cook already) is from Iran. I assume he doesn’t have a personal problem with the new regime.
The Idiot (a coworker at UM) was from Iran except when he wanted to bitch and moan about being so poor that he had to live in a mere 4K/month house by himself, with no body servants (of course he neither cooked nor cleaned), although he should by all rights have inherited a satrapy (which wouldn’t have happened by then anyway, as both his father and grandfather were hale and healthy). When he wanted to pout, he was Persian.