When did fathers stop being commonly called “sir”? Are there still areas where this is practiced? When the father is called “sir”, what is the mother called?
In your area, is it now common for children to call their parents by their first names?
(Note to moderator: One may argue that this thread might be better placed in MPSIMS but I think it’s analogous to a question I asked about the disappearance of hats in the GQ section. It’s about the changing levels of formality in society)
You see it some here in the South. I always automatically think those parents are assholes. They call their mothers “ma’am”, of course.
I live in North Florida. I have some cousins whose family are Christian fundamentalists. They had to “sir” and “ma’am” their parents, but I don’t think I know anyone else who does. I also don’t know anyone personally who calls their parents by their given names.
My mom never made me call her “ma’am”, but she wants my kids to call her that. Sometimes they say it to me by mistake and I tell them to stop it. I don’t like the distance I think it puts in our relationship.
I’m 56 and was raised in Baltimore, MD. I called my parents mom and dad, and was expected to append ma’am or sir to to any yes or no answer addressed to them or any other adult.
Like Crotalus, I never called my parents “sir” and “ma’am,” but I used those words when answering questions (“yes, sir” or “no, ma’am”).
My wife is from Tennessee, and she sometimes does the same as Crotalus and KneadtoKnow. Her parents are the sweetest, gentlest people ever, by the way.
I did “yes, sir” my dad in certain situations (like when I was being read the Riot Act); the Sirs and Ma’ams were for other adults, but without fail (southern boy here). I still say Sir and Ma’am, because old habits die hard. But it was purely a politeness thing, not some nazi submission trip.
I am 48,and I sir and ma’am my parents [ok, my dad is dead, but when he was alive I did] in public, but in private it was mom and dad. I sir and ma’am and use mr/mrs/miss for people my parents age until they tell me to call them something different. For some odd reason, coming from spending time living in Virginia I will call women my age miss <first name> frequently in a work relationship. I call customer service people mr/ms <last name> typically tellers or workers in stores if their name tags/desk plates have the last names available
My dad served in the Army, and whenever my parents were upset with me for whatever reason it was “yes sir/no sir/yes ma’am/no ma’am.” The rest of the time it was Mom and Dad.
Northern girl here.
“I was in the US Marines back in 'Nam, and I said “Sir” all the time. It never did me any harm.”
[/old timer]
This baffles me. Why?
Michael: We’ve had a couple of threads about the prevalence of referring to parents as “sir” or “ma’am” as well as threads about “what do you call your parents”.
Usually, parents who insist on being called sir and ma’am when a child is talking to them ARE assholes. It’s a way of trying to get respect without earning it, in my experience. It’s usually the sign of parents who don’t particularly want love, just mindless obedience.
Don’t get me wrong, I think that kids SHOULD obey their parents, but not because they fear being whupped with a razor strop every time they don’t say “Yes sir” or “No ma’am”.
Because family is supposed to be intimate. When I was a kid my parents had me call other adults sir and ma’am, and you better believe I was expected to speak to everybody including my parents with respect, but having your own kids call you “sir” is… distant, don’t you think? A little “before the lonely goatherd” Captain Von Trapp?
Obviously, your experience differs from mine then. It’s a common polite way to address people, and I taught my children this along with other manners such as covering your mouth when you cough, chewing with your mouth closed, saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’.
I know you have no way of knowing this but I am not an asshole.
Being distant is worlds away from being an asshole.
By definition “distant” is worlds away from … everything, isn’t it?
Ninety (and others in similar situations)
How do you address your children?
More generally, I’d like to know WHEN the change from “sir” to something less formal took place for many. 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s?
Most parents have expectations about what their kids should call them. Some grow up learning Mom and Dad, some learn to use sir or ma’am sometimes.
And the notion of the razor strop is the fallacy of the excluded middle. Parents who are used to “Mom and Dad” may not be pleased at being caled by their first names, but most would probably use some method of chastisement short of physical violence. There’s no reason to assume that parents expecting “Sir and Ma’am” wouldn’t do the same.
Georgia boy, born and bred here, and I always used those forms when addressing my parents in public.
I also answered “Sir?” or “Ma’am?” when called and expecting a request/command/order.
Of course, I expected the same of my offspring and they of theirs.
It is just the ways things are done (or were done) in this neck of the woods (so to speak).
As NinetyWt has indicated it’s not about being an domineering overlord to your children. It’s about teaching your children to respect people in positions of authority. And as a child I wasn’t expected, nor do I expect my children to approach me and address me as “Sir”. It is normally in their response to questions from me, as has been stated “Yes sir or no sir”.
I have the same expectation that they respond to their teachers and administrators at school, police officers, waitresses, store clerks, etc. It is about teaching them to respect others, not just myself.
WRT to children calling their parents by their first names. It is very common for toddlers to start calling their parents by whatever names they hear the parents call each other. Learned by repeating. Some parents think this is cute and encourage their kids to continue. Some don’t. I want my kids to call me Dad, and as such taught my toddler age kids that yes my real name is Wilbo, but you call me Dad.