03/28/03: A Perfect Day for Dreadful Reviews (Post yours! Esp. of The Core!)

There’s very little that warms my heart more than a truly awful review, and today’s New York Times includes several gems of the species - of course, it helps immeasurably that The Core opens today. (Because the Times requires registration and their links go bad after a week (IIRC), I’ll provide some quotes instead.)

Elvis Mitchell, on The Core:

“The film is frequently hilarious – occasionally, but not often, on purpose.”

“Monumentally dumb.”

“Sections of ‘The Core’ drag on so sullenly that the crew’s six-day mission seems to be taking place in real time.”

[After noting the film’s description of a substance called “inobtanium”] “The cast…deserve Oscar nominations just for being able to speak most of the lines without succumbing to chortles.”

More Elvis, this time on Basic:

“Someone decided to put ‘Rashomon’ in a Cuisinart along with ‘A Few Good Men,’ ‘The Usual Suspects’ and ‘A Soldier’s Story,’ and hit the pulverize button while forgetting to replace the top. The outcome is a spewing mess spinning at 300 r.p.m.”

“At this point you might be tempted to say, ‘Huh?’ Or, if you’re in the theater, to leave. But wait – there’s less.”

“Mr. Travolta may be the only star in movies making choices as bad as Cuba Gooding, Jr.”

“[Travolta] turns spmoking into performance art. You may concentrate on this because it’s all he has going for him.”

Ben Brantley, on Urban Cowboy: The Musical (Broadway play):

“A conclusive demonstration that it’s possible to be vulgar and bland at the same time.”

“Suggest[s] Cabaret by way of Branson, Mo.”

“Broadway disaster cultists may be disappointed to learn that ‘Urban Cowboy’…does not eclipse the now departed ‘Dance of the Vampires’ as the season’s worst musical…‘Urban Cowboy’ doesn’t have the imagination to be so extravagantly bad.”

“Doesn’t so much trade on fond memories of the film as squelch them.”

On lead performers Matt Cavenaugh and Jenn Colella: “Tend to deliver their songs and their lines at the same pitch, which is loud, assertive and nasal.”

Ooops, forgot Brantley’s best line (at least for those of us of a certain age): “It makes you long for the quite good taste of shows like ‘The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas1.’”

I liked The Core.

I didn’t think I was going to, but I did.

Elvis Mitchell has his head up his ass. Apparently he expected it to be an oscar quality movie, which is an insane thing to expect.

It was a lot better and more believable then Armagedon or Deep Impact.

Apparently Mitchell was huffing laughing gas, the whole time because I didn’t find any of the lines or scenes laughworthy.

Was the movie implausible?

Sure, but what movie isn’t?

Mitchell should take some much needed lessons in not being a snot, although I doubt it’ll do much good.

If you think that Mitchell’s review was bad, check out Rob Blackwelder’s.

http://splicedwire.com/03reviews/core.html

So far, the Core has 27 negative reviews out of 47 on rottentomatoes.com

And this is counted as a good review:

I’m getting dragged to see The Core tonight. He will owe me for this one, big time.

MSNBC liked The Core:

I want to see The Core, if only to see what San Francisco would look like in lots of little pieces.

Tor Thorsen has his head up his ass too, because what science there is in the movie is as accurate and up date as it can be.

I suppose Tor hates the Star Wars movies because in those you actually are capable of hearing sound in the vacuum of space.:wally

Okay, admittedly I haven’t seen (nor intend to ever see) the movie, but as I understand it, the movie is about a government superweapon that stops the molten metal core of the Earth from spinning, and a plucky band of misfits has to tunnel to the center of the Earth and start it spinning again using nuclear explosions. Is this not an accurate description of the movie’s plot?

And you call this scientifically accurate?

I hope the Bad Astronomer reviews this movie. He does bring a whole new level to the concept of an “informative review.”

Up to date? We’ve never even been able to drill all the way through the crust! Heck, we’ve barely made it part way through…

Discover magazine published a mostly positive review in their April issue, but the writer was careful to point out a few of the film’s more egregious flaws.

And as flawed scientifically as The Core may be, it’s a lot more accurate than Verne’s Journey to the Center of the Earth!

The Discover article on Herndon’s hypothesis about the earth’s core was in their August 2002 issue. (I can’t seem to link to it because of their thread structure.)

Science magazines, especially Discover and New Scientist, thrive on articles that upend current mainstream scientific understanding. They make splashy cover stories and sell copies. The problem with these is that five years later the magazines are doing a new set of articles upending the same current mainstream scientific understanding without bothering to mention all those earlier maverick hypotheses.

This particular article is about par. Maybe a bit below par. Even though the author dutifully searches out all the other mavericks who might want to sign on, he has to stretch about as far as any editor will let him go to find any positive comments from anyone.

And statements like this one are a dead giveaway:

That ain’t gonna happen tomorrow.

I’m the last one to complain of sf writers using a bit of speculative science as a handwaving excuse to get the action started - you should see what I’m doing with bubble universes in the novel I’m writing. But I’m a trained professional. The rest of you shouldn’t try this at home.

And I would never claim that the end result is accurate.

I was also given a terrible impression of this movie by the trailers, but I actually ended up quite liking it. It is true that there are some things that are just taken as given, and not explained. It’s never explained just how the government’s weapon stopped the core from rotating. The remarkable properties of the material used to build the vehicle that carries our heroes to the core are never explained. But a surprising amount of effort is up into giving relatively detailed (for an action movie) explanations of much of what the characters are trying to do. This movie was just about the closest thing to a hard sf movie that I’ve seen come out of Hollywood in recent memory (granted, that’s not saying much).

[nitpick]I did notice that they erroneously included 1 among the prime numbers, though.[/nitpick]

should be

I saw a preview on Thursday. Funniest damn thing I’ve seen in a long time. Those pigeons were just classic.

I just saw it today. I give it about a C on the entertainment level (a lot of it was fun, but the pacing was awful and the last fifteen minutes were, well, dull). The science was ridiculous. There were moments of scientific credibility, but they were drowned out in the cacophony. The Earth’s core stops rotating, indeed. Bleah.

Woo hoo! So, will there be a review of it on the Bad Atronomy website soon?

The NY Post’s review was kind of funny.

Paraphrasing: Interesting how crystal clear wireless communication between people @ the Earth’s core and up on the surface of the planet is when you can’t event get a decent connection on your cell phone in NYC.

Um. Can you be more specific? Besides the fact that they mentioned the Earth’s layers more-or-less correctly, did I miss some real science? What they said about microwaves was totally wrong!

Good News:

The Bad Astronomer’s review of The Core is now online! He’s put its front page at http://www.badastronomy.com/bad/movies/thecore.html, which contains a link to a more spoiler-oriented review (riddled, of course, with comments about the bad astronomy in the movie).
Even Better News:

My review of The Core is now also online! See for yourself at http://www.hit-n-run.com/cgi/read_review.cgi?review=53626_rogermw. It’s got thrills! It’s got spills! It’s got a HUGE list of nit-picks against the bad science in the movie, not all of which were caught by our friendly neighborhood Bad Astronomer! (Oh, it’s full of spoilers, too, so don’t read it if you want to be surprised (snicker) by the movie.)