Something I;ve already decided on: I’m not going to hang around this world. This doesn’t mean that intend to kill myself, but I’m not going to live like an infant again. When it’s my time to die and I can’t live anymore, I’m going to pack my satchel, start hiking down the Appalachian trail, and keel over when I keel over.
Not if they’re getting robbed!
I agree, if it doesn’t improve, let the media loose on 'em.
On the day my father died, someone stole clothes from his closet.
This was a man who had let people charge groceries and farmers charge feed and seed in his store during the depression. One time he just let a man walk out with food. He helped my mother’s kin buy land and didn’t even tell my mother.
He would have given anyone the shirt off his back. They didn’t have to steal it.
I think that cameras should be installed in every single nursing home room in the country with access available to family members, omsbudsmen and supervisors. How much additional would that cost? Anyone know?
I agree. They just can’t be that expensive. I assume a waiver would need to be signed by residents about the privacy issues, but it would be worth it. Even preschools have those trick mirrors so that parents can peek anytime without the kids (or the teachers) seeing them.
This whole thread has made me sick. And incredibly angry. I want to call your local TV station myself…
If this is the best place in the area, I would be terrified to see the worst.
:eek: ::blanches::
Please, please, tdn, if it is at all an option, get Meme out of there. This stupidity and apathy could very well kill her.
My grandpa was put in an assisted living center for a few weeks after being discharged from the hospital. No Alzheimer’s, no dementia–he’d just gotten really sick and needed some time to recover. One night, he had to go to the bathroom. He was still pretty weak, and needed someone to help him on the way. This was in the wee morning hours. He rang the call button, and no one came. He rang it again. No one. He wasn’t about to go in his bed, so he got up and tried to get there himself. He fell on the way there. It took them a while to find him–I think until they made their morning rounds. He had to be taken back to the hospital, and he died a couple of days later. When someone’s in frail health, it doesn’t take much to kill them.
Simple negligence can become life-threatening. And if no one does anything, the cycle keeps on going. I couldn’t contact anyone when this happened–I was 13–and the place is still open. I wouldn’t be surprised if the same shit is still going on. If they’re forgetting to put her on oxygen and can’t tell right from left, how can you know they’re going to give her the right medicine, or any medicine at all. It doesn’t take much at that age to seriously screw someone up.
Nursing homes aren’t all like that, and Meme deserves better.
The fact is, simply moving her might kill her. I don’t think there’s another option.
Anyway, here’s an update:
My girlfriend and her sister finally had a meeting with some managerial type “person.” It ended up being a lecture by said “person”, who would not let anyone get a word in edgewise. She basically said (without actually saying it) that Meme is a trouble maker, that my girlfriend and her sister were trouble makers, and that no one else in the facility had ever complained. (This last is a blatent lie, as many people have. This is documented.) She implied that Meme is getting the best care possible, and “if you don’t like it, you’re welcome to take her elsewhere.” She denied that they were understaffed on weekends. (Hello? Ever heard of log books? Ever heard of the fucking obvious?) She denied that there was any HIPAA violation. (The husband of a resident mailed my girlfriend’s sister Meme’s chart that he was accidentally given instead of his wife’s.)
In short, it was a lecture of lies and denial. The woman never once listened to anything. For an hour she just went off on Meme and her daughters on how they were just stirring up shit.
My girlfriend (who is a shrink) gave her professional opinion of this woman: She’s fucking psychotic.
I hope you are not going to leave it at that. Go over the Manager’s head to the Board of Directors or the owner. Do you know who the Medical Director is? Contact that person also. The fact that no one in the facility has complained makes no difference. Elderly people, especially if they have dementia or Alzheimer’s, are usually pretty docile. Especially if they are over medicated, something else you should look into.
It may be time to contact the Elder Abuse Department of your local Social Services.
Well, I don’t know what the next step is. Keep in mind, I’m not really involved here. But yes, I will encourage my girlfriend to go over some heads. She does know the medical director, and I think he will be the next stop up the food change.
Also note that the no one else complaining bit is not fact, it’s an extremely falsifiable claim.
And Meme is not medicated to the point of being doped up. She may look docile, and she gets dementia pretty often (which is a clear sign of infection, which my girlfriend recognizes right off, but it always takes the doctors about 2 weeks to diagnose), but she’s very sharp. She knows what’s going on, and they aren’t fooling her. But they’ve somehow managed to make her feel guilty for even asking for water or air.
Meme has a personal physician. Your girlfriend should notify him or her of this problem. Sometimes doctors get careless about monitoring their patients in nursing homes. Old people don’t like to make waves or cause trouble, under the best of circumstances so someone else must look after their interests. Looks like your girlfriend is the one.
In this case, her personal physician is also the medical director.
You know, every part of your issue with this place is very serious, and I don’t want it to seem like I don’t care about the rest of it (I do), but this just pisses me right off. I have a friend whose mother is in a Veteran’s Home, removed from her previous (awful, horrible) assisted living facility within the last six months or so when her name finally rose to the top of the VA’s waiting list.
About two months after she got there, someone (and it was definitely a caretaker, not another resident) stole her GameBoy. The next time I was down there for a visit she, crying her eyes out, asked me to please buy her another GameBoy. She was so distressed over the theft itself, as well as having to ask me for money, that she was crying and shaking, and I (pissed off as I was) wanted to strangle the first person in a uniformt that I happened to run into on my way out. It’s not fucking bad enough these people can’t be bothered to actually take care of these residents, they have to STEAL their only form of fucking entertainment?
I refuse to live long enough to require 24 hour “professional” care. And I, unlike the poster up there somewhere, will off myself if it gets to that point. I know posters in this thread are saying that there are good facilities out there, but I can’t buy it when every single place at which I visited, volunteered, or was employed has promoted sub par care (by teaching “short cuts” to the CNAs, etc.) and was crawling with people who just don’t give a shit. 
I hope I’m wrong.
With Meme, it’s not even Game Boy type stuff. It’s the little things (and the clothes).
You know how doctors always tell you to cut down on sugary and fatty stuff? They were telling Meme the opposite. “Have some bacon”, they’d say. “It’s good for you.” That’s because she wasn’t eating, and was literally starving to death. She was down to something like 87 pounds at one point. She needed to gain weight, and fast.
So I made a batch of chocolate ice cream for her. Three pints of it. She had about 2 spoonfuls. The rest was eaten by the staff. That happens with any food gifts brought to her.
It is most definitly time. Do it right now. Please.
One step at a time. They’ve been talked to once. Let’s give it a week to see if things improve. If not, then it’s on to the doctor. If not that, then it’s on to the state. And trust me, I won’t let my girlfriend wimp out on this.
But I do have some reservations.
If we piss off the staff, will they take it out on Meme? If we get the place shut down, will Meme get kicked out? Even if we just get a few people fired, what good will that do her? They’ll just be pissed off and more understaffed.
If I can offer a few suggestions…
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If she’s not eating, you might want to arrange for a family member to be present during mealtimes to make sure she eats. If you give her food as a gift, give her one serving’s worth at a time and watch her eat it. Also, arrange for a consult from a dietitian to ensure she’s getting an appropriate diet that she can actually eat, and get an order for that diet entered into her record.
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By regulation, she’s supposed to receive at least a cursory visit from her medical doctor at least once per month. The doctor is supposed to review her records, visit her, and make any changes to her care. Arrange for someone to be with her during these visits to advocate for her.
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Surprise visits from family can be a wonderful thing. Visit during odd times and don’t announce your visits. If the facility has a policy against this, it’s a red flag.
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If you fear reprisal for reporting the facility, make sure the adult protective services worker knows this. They will take steps to make sure the home doesn’t take it out on Meme.
This is a serious problem, and it needs to be dealt with in a serious fashion. Please call the APS office in your area tomorrow.
Robin
Another second for having family and friends drop in to visit at random times. My sister and I did this when our dad was in various care facilities; she would usually stop in at some time during the day, and I would often visit in the evening, but they never knew exactly when to expect us. Sometimes, I visited quite late in the evening.