10 of the most WTF? storylines in Pro Wrestling

Ah, professional wrestling. Eagerly watched, debated, and squee’d over by fans, derided as redneck soap opera by non-fans, this peculiar homegrown blend of gladiatorial combat and kabuki theater (becoming more and more Cirque du Soleil with every passing year) parades before us a cast of colorful characters, scantily-clad perfect bodies, and bizarre “angles”, or storylines.

If I may, I’d like to share a selection of the ten pro wrestling storylines most likely to make you say: “WTF?”

  1. Matt Hardy-Lita-Kane love-lust-hate triangle

The stage was set for this storyline as far back as 2001, during a tag team match that pitted the high-flying Hardy Boyz (Matt and Jeff) vs. Kane and The Big Show. Lita, as the Hardy Boyz manager, was of course on the scene. Matt and Jeff, each being approximately half the size of Kane and one-fourth the size of the Big Show, were being demolished during the match when Lita launched herself off the turnbuckle at Kane. He caught her in mid-air and gingerly sat her back down on the turnbuckle.

Three years later, Kane decided that Lita must be his and so began punching Matt Hardy in the face until Lita agreed to sleep with him to save her boyfriend from being pounded into potato salad. Who knew having dirty unprotected sex with a demon wrestler from Hell would have consequences?

Lita turns up pregnant. Kane drops the bombshell that the baby is his during the worst possible moment: while Lita’s boyfriend Matt Hardy is proposing to her. Matt and Kane face off in a match, with the stipulation that the winner gets to marry Lita (as you do). Kane uses Matt Hardy for a chewtoy and so is united with Lita in unholy matrimony.

Lita would later miscarry the baby during Kane’s match against Snitsky, then proceeded to for play-play cheat on Kane with Edge and for real-real cheat on Matt Hardy with Edge.

  1. Raven and Kanyon’s night out on the town

ECW Hardcore legend Raven was noted for his dark, nihilistic promos and cult leader persona. He was such a dark character that the first thing WCW did upon getting their hands on him was to turn him into a total joke: a spoiled rich boy with an annoying mother. In this segment, fellow wrestler Chris Kanyon (RIP) has come to Raven’s mom’s swanky mansion to cheer Raven up. Raven, naturally, decides they need a night out on the town.

After a shopping trip – during which Kanyon reveals that he is the only gay man in the country who doesn’t know what Versace is – to get tricked out in the flyest clothes the mid-90s had to offer, Raven and Kanyon hit the bars and clubs. Notice the editing: it is clearly nightime when they return to Raven’s mansion. Then it cuts to daytime, Raven’s mom is coming home, and there goes Kanyon running down the stairs, frantically trying to pull his jeans back on. The only logical conclusion is that Raven wined and dined Kanyon, took him home and got him into bed, only to be woken up the next morning by Raven’s mom.

Cool story, bro.

Pregnant Mae Young giving birth to a hand.

That’s what I was going to go with. Pretty hard to top that one for WTF.

Wow… I had actually forgotten this one. Geezus.

www.wrestlecrap.com has some great run downs on the worst of pro-wrestling.

Since it was all done for comedy it’s not really as WTF as some of the storylines that were meant to be taken (semi-)seriously.

I don’t follow wrestling. The two stories in the OP had me scratching my head. Then I came to this post:

All hyperbole aside, what the blue bloody fuck is this about?

Actually, might want to hold off on that. This is Mississippienne’s thread. Maybe she’s getting to that. But if she doesn’t answer, I want someone to.

See, it all makes much more sense when you realize that Mae Young was in her 70’s at the time that storyline was going on. Now, doesn’t that explain it all?

Mae Young was a septagenarian woman wrestler who continued to appear in the WWF (now WWE) mainly in comedic roles. She was supposed to have been impregnated by the enormous Mark Henry, and in the conclusion of the absurdist story line, she gives birth in a dramatic scene. At the end it’s revealed that she has given birth to a hand, followed by everyone clapping and a punchline, something like “Let’s give Mae Young a big hand”. Mae is still active in the WWE, continuing seven decades of her career as a professional wrestler.

I do not remember that stuff with Raven. I barely remember him at all as Raven’s Flock was pretty small potatoes in the WCW back then.

I kinda wish they’d just can the storylines completely. Stick to funny promos and high performance wrestling in the ring.

The Mick Foley “amnesia” angle.

The Black Scorpion turning out to be Ric Flair. (To be fair, they were in a corner; the wrestler they wanted it to be decided not to sign with WCW.)

The Big Show introduced in WCW as Andre the Giant’s son.

One word; Shockmaster!

“Miss Hancock” being pregnant, only to disappear for a few months, then reappear as Stacy Kiebler (yes, they admitted that they were the same person), pushing a baby carriage…which, IIRC, contained photos of some sort.

The way Steve Austin’s first WWE run ended - after months, if not years, of Austin telling Vince, “You can’t fire me!”, Vince announces on RAW that Austin was fired, just like that, no questions asked.

Duth-tay Rhodes, and the Go-Rilla. This is specially sweet, because the go-rilla’s mama paid a visit.

What the fuck is her middle name? “Isn’t?”

Mississippienne are you going to post #8 to #1? I was a bit confused when your list stopped. :confused:

Oh, she’ll get there. **Mississippienne **is one of the Board’s best story-tellers - she’s done similar threads on the Medieval/Rennaisance families of note. It just takes her time to produce all of the awesome, so she’s giving it to us as it gets done.

Photos of Shawn Staziak, who had his own WTF storyline in the WWF where he was the boytoy of PMS (pretty mean sisters). On one occasion they (storyline) slipped him an ED drug so he wound up wrestling his match with an obvious (fake) boner.

It’s very difficult, very difficult indeed, to top the notorious Katie Vick storyline for pure, pointless, purile absurdity.

The Kane-Lita storyline was great, if only because we got a string quartet version of Kane’s theme during the wedding. Snitsky punting a baby into the audience later on was a nice bonus as well.

Really, Kane’s whole WWE career is kind of a WTF moment.

Not really a storyline, but to this day I don’t think anyone understands the rules of the TNA “Reverse Battle Royale”

Ahh okay, thanks man!

That incident ended my interest in the modern product. I still love stuff from the kayfabe era.