Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess. Her name was Rue, and her governess Fairy Chat Mom was reading from the Encyclopedia (the book was labeled “platypus”- "squirrel”) when the Chef rang the lunch bell.
“I wonder what’s for lunch today. I’m famished, “ Rue gushed.
“Chef was supposed to make a special treat, some kind of Greek dish. He called it a Hero, I think.”
They went to the Dining Room.
The meal was served, and they loved it!
Rue called for the chef, who was a weasely little man. He sidled up to her, grinning.
Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess.
She was sublime indeed with skin like a Ming vase.
One night, the little fairy had a chat with her Mom (the Queen),
more like a tantrum really, for she “WANT SOME SQUIRREL JUICE!”, she screamed.
Off went the knights, with scores of men besides,
but no squirrels they found to sate the girl’s thirst,
but instead by the river they found a platypus.
So gloomily they returned to Mom to report,
and all they got was this silly retort.
“You will rue this day when i asked for squirrel juice,
and all I got was this stupid platypus!”
The End.
good thing i’m not crazy enough to submit th- :eek:
Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess who was only beautiful because she had cosmetic surgery. You see, she was born with a gigantic nose, and she looked like a platypus.
“Radical, costly plastic surgery will soon correct all your imperfections,” her evil, squirrel-like mother, Rue Fairy Chat Mom, used to tell her.
One day, the princess’ daddy wised up and kicked her mother out after she finished her juice.
“You can have surgery when you’re older but I will always think you are beautiful just the way you are,” said her daddy.
The princess, did in fact, have multiple surgeries when she grew up.
At this point, I feel that I may have to withdraw my entry, because I don’t believe that I have met the conditions of the contest.
In short, I have counted again and I don’t think that it’s actually exactly 110 words (including “The End”) long. Unless you think FairyChatMom is one word.
Once there was a beautiful princess. Only she wasn’t and she wasn’t. She was a fat slob of a platypus and she was a he. There you go, the truth.
One day, while the platypuss was watching TV, which was a little odd since platypussesii live in or near the water and that could short out the TV, electrocuting him. But what do you want? It’s a story. On TV he saw a new drink, squirrel juice, that was guaranteed to make him lose weight. But he was too lazy to make the call.
Rue and FairyChatMom never seemed to be able to show up. That’s so like them.
The end.
I just want to say, I’m not too keen about the 110 word limit. I had to cut out the huge cavalry charge, the magnesium mine scene, the cannon being melted down to make new awnings for the gazebo and the big dance number. Your loss really.
Actually, Rue, it’s your loss - the contest ended Wednesday. But I think the gazebo part and the dance number might make a good MMP, so you’re set for next week!
Geez. You people. Whine, bitch, moan complain. I’ve been busy, dammit. It is, after all, finals week here at Mason (yes, I passed mine. Aced one with a score of 104. )
Then there’s the judging. You think this is easy? Let me tell you, it ain’t. Not by any means. I may have to bring in outside experts.
Well, not really. Mainly I’m just typing all of this to keep you people on edge just a little bit longer. I’m kind of a bastard that way. Talk talk talk talk talk talk talk. Talky Talkerton, that’s me. I can just ramble on and on with nary a thought about whether what I’m saying even makes sense.
Then I’ll start to quote stuff. Like this:
What kind of scumbag would quote himself, you ask? Well, pretty much just me. I’m that kind of scumbag.
So finally, after all of that, we get to the results.
Shouldn’t there be a drum roll or something? Can I code a drum roll in vb code? AH! Here’s one: Drumroll
And the winner is:
Well, now that I think on it, maybe it’s best to say something nice about the runners up.
Runner up #1:Hamlet! Much funny, especially the reference to Coldfire. Not often I laugh out loud, but I did at that one. Good use of the key words, nicely put together. Very well done.
Runner up #2:Sat on Cookie! Another excellent entry. Good storyline, decent inclusion of the key words. Humorous.
Runner up #3: (As much as I hate to admit it) Exgineer! Despite the whole “is FairyChatMom one word or not?” question this was a well designed story, and a disturbing glimpse into the mind of Exgineer.
For the record, the word count judge (Mr. M.S. Word) did count FairyChatMom as a single word.
NOW. Now we get to the winner.
And the winner is: Wait! Dammit. The Honorable Mentions:
Honorable mention goes out to chewbasta, who’s submission was clearly well done, if a little surreal and off kilter. Nice use of the word Worchestershire. And also Shijinn, who could use a little help on the whole rhyming thing.
ThreeLeggedBob! Good use of the key words, special mention for the use of Fairy Chat Mom in a unique way. Good Humor. Very well done! If you’ll send me an e-mail (in my profile) with your address I’ll send you your prize. Please make sure you put SDMB in the subject line or I’ll never get your mail.
For those of you that I didn’t include above, it’s because I’m tired of typing and have a very limited store of nice things to say. Thanks, though, to everyone who entered the contest. Some seriously good entries. I’m going to have to do antoher one along these lines as soon as I get an idea. And another piece of junk my wife wants out of the house - er, I mean another fabulous prize!
DA, I still think yours was the best. And I apologize for saying so earlier because that obviously prejudiced the ahem judge against you, since he secretly resents that I lust after Rue more than I lust after him. I’d offer to send you a fabjoulous prize myself, but all I can see on the desk here is a chipped coaster, a bunch of disks of unidentified contents, and a map of Fredericksburg, VA. Nope, afraid my admiration will have to suffice.
)