You may have seen the commercial, you may not have seen it. It doesn’t matter. The commercial is for Juicy Juice, which touts having 100% juice as opposed to the 10% you find in the competitor’s products. To illustrate the point they show a bunch of scenarios where having 10% of something sucks. One of those scenarios is that of a father reading a bedtime story to his brat. He says “Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess. The End.”
The challenge: Construct the rest of the story for the poor little girl who only got 10% of hers. Since the commercial shares 11 words your story must be a total of of 110 words, no more, no less, including “The End.”
For bonus points work in the words “platypus”, “squirrel”, “juice” Rue, and Fairy Chat Mom in any order.
I will rate the stories on content, style, and humor. The winner of the contest will get something cool, but I ain’t telling what.
It’s all up to the Dopers now.
Void in any place where it might get me in trouble. Contest ends when I say so or on Wednesday, July 23 2003. Contest is open to any registered member of the SDMB. Prize will be shipped within two days of contest end if I remember to get to the post office. Inappropriate stories will be praised, but won’t win. It’s a story for kids, dammit. Stop picking your nose.
“Once upon a time there was a beautiful Princess. She lived in the Rue Morgue with her Fairy Chat Mom, and every day they went out shopping for three juices: Orange, to bring home to Major Kong, their majordomo; Blue(berry) to feed the pet squirrel, and Green lime juice to put into the platypus stew. This was soy-based, vegan platypus, mind you. On the last day, Princess and her Mom found they were unable to buy any more juice because they were out of pesos. So the Princess went out and got a job, her Mom sold off all the antique silver, and they lived happily ever after. The End.”
Once upon a time there lived a beautiful fairy princess, Rue FairyChatMom (nicknamed “Squirrel”), who lived in a wonderful stone castle deep in the Platypus Forest.
One day Squirrel watched her servant walk away after bringing her a glass of cool delicious cranberry-grass juice and wondered, “What’s it like to be a servant? To wait on someone hand and foot? Maybe I should disguise myself as one and see.”
So she went to her room, ordered her maid to fetch her servant’s livery, and proceeded to shred it before the poor girl’s eyes. Squirrel didn’t get her nickname for being cute and full of energy; she was nuts.
Just wanted to say that anyone who concocts a tale of Rue, me, and a platypus in a compromising position is just sick and demented. Which, I suppose, sums up a majority on the boards.
In a kitchen not far from home,
A dog was chewing a bone.
The fairy chat mom, on his tail she stepped,
With this, a yelp she met,
Hear have a cup of squirrel blood,
and some juice, the pup knocked it over,
then there was a flood.
Mom yelled at the pup, you will RUE the day,
when you chased my platapus away.
The little bastard, he swam in my creek,
and on my rug, his pud did not leak,
Just then the squirrel came back to life,
how did he do it?
Got into the worcestershire sauce that night.
Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess named Platypus. Well, to be honest, she really wasn’t all that beautiful. You would think she would be, if you follow the Smucker’s theory (With a name like Platypus, she’s got to be hot!). In fact, the only reason the local squirrels would play with her was because Fairy Chat Mom tied acorns around her neck. Sad but true. She was very lonely, until one day she decided to go and explore this new-fangled internet thing everybody was talking about. She joined the SDMB, fell in love with Rue, got engaged, drank some juice, and lived happily ever after. The End.
She lived in a castle in the forest. One day, she decided to go for a walk and met a BIG UGLY OGRE named Rue DeDay. Rue DeDay picked up the princess and carried her back to his ugly little hut in the forest, where he served her juice and cookies and introduced her to his pet platypus FairyChatMom and his pet squirrel Lieu the Poopy.
Ogre Rue only wanted a friend, not to hurt the beautiful princess. So, in exchange for being his friend, Rue let the princess go with the promise to return each week to play with him and tell him stories.
…who went with the Queen into a forest where fairies were rumored to live. The Queen made many stops, and finally declared she would rest and drink juice. The Princess continued walking, following a squirrel that kept looking back at her. Suddenly she heard squeaky voices.
“Dust. Get your dust here.”
“…but then my god-daughter stayed out after midnight, and the pumpkin turned back…”
“Oh, I rue the day I agreed to make this potion. Platypus lips? In Europe?”
The princess was frightened by the fairy chat. “Mom!” she yelled, and ran back and had juice with her mother.
Once upon a time there was a daughter of a rich stock broker named Rue…
Now Rue saved up many thousands of dollars so his little girl could go to college and get a good degree. 36
But one day, lets call this day last tuesday, Rue went to atlantic city and gambled his daughters college fund away, and also got the car reposessed. But Rue wanted to keep the juice going, so he borrowed 80 g’s from salvatore the Fairy chat mom (the local loan shark).
Now, Rue was a Platypus up shit’s creek.
The end.
Moral: Tomarrow, daddy is going to take you job hunting around the local sweatshops.
Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess. Unfortunately, she was only “beautiful” and a “princess” in her own mind. Actually, she was a complete bitch.
Do you think I could ever have a little time to myself to play on the SDMB, discussing squirrels with welby, platypus launchers with FairyChatMom, or general silliness in a Rue DeDay thread?
Hell, no. It was always “me, me, me” with that witch.
How about doing your own laundry for once, you ignorant sow? Running the dishwasher is pretty easy too. What in hell is your problem?
Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess, Kalhoun, who lived with her godmother, Fairy Chat Mom. She’d always been a vegetarian, because she’d turn into a platypus if she ate any meat.
One day, platypus collector, Welby replaced the princess’ broth with crushed squirrel organs. The Fairy godmother noticed and with a wave of her magic wand, turned it into cranberry juice.
“Welby!” said Fairy Chat Mom, “You’ll Rue De Day you ever became a platypus collector!” and promptly turned him into a handsome prince!
The prince promptly realized he loved the princess in her current state and married her.
They all lived happily ever after.
The End.
Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess. Her father, King Rue, enrolled her in Fair Chat Mom’s Princess School and Squirrel Cookery. The princess, named Princess (the King being a bit slow), took her studies seriously and got straight A’s in every class, including “Advanced Frog Kissing” and “Dying in a Limo Accident in France While Being Chased By Paparazzi 101". To pass the final exam Princess had to feel peas through 20 mattresses. Unfortunately, the Proctor, drunk on fermented apple juice, misunderstood the instructions and Princess was mauled by an angry Platypus. So Princess changed her name to Coldfire and became a SDMB Moderator.
