10 Things I wish I'd known before I went outside into the real world

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

i) Being a rich, good-looking, well-connected member of the New England artistocracy is about the best possible start one can get in life. Try to arrange it if you can.

e) I’ve been told that this “real world” exists, but I’ve never actually encountered it. It’s probably better not to know.

pi) My husband can kill up to three dozen terrorists before the opening credits.

Avogadro’s Number) Gosh, it’s sad that all the self-absorbed jerks in my family keep dying in dramatic ways. I wonder if the word “hubris” is connected at all.

Hubble’s Constant) Everybody could be as special as me if they only tried!
Oh, I’m sorry. I thought these were supposed to be Maria Shriver’s rules for living…

I’m your only friend
I’m not your only friend
But I’m a little glowing friend
But really I’m not actually your friend
But I am

42

Hug your spouse and your children every single day.

You will not outgrow your adolescent acne (32 and still waiting for clear skin … :mad: )

Also, ditto on all the things above.

43

Don’t stress about the little problems, and they are all little problems, it just depends on how you look at them.

44

Don’t do anything to bollix the natural flow of your precious bodily fluids.

Don’t name your doctor as a beneficiary on your life insurance.

Keep your ear to the ground, your nose to the grindstone, your shoulder to the wheel and your stick on the ice, but not all at the same time.

If the going gets tough, quit at the earliest opportunity.

45

True love does exist; but pining for it and feel sorry for yourself because you haven’t found it yet won’t make it show up any sooner.

Get references. No matter how good your resume looks on paper, not having anyone who can say, “Yes, John was a great employee” will ensure that employers drop you into the circular file ASAP.

Don’t overcommit, or you’ll feel like you need to be committed.

Sex is fun, but not enough fun that you should make a fool of yourself in trying to obtain it.

Buy Microsoft.

JMCJ

“Y’know, I would invite y’all to go feltch a dead goat, but that would be abuse of a perfectly good dead goat and an insult to all those who engage in that practice for fun.” -weirddave, set to maximum flame