When I first began typing this post there were 64 threads with “Divorce” in the post title.
Now there are 77.
As a sampling, that doesn’t quite make divorce ubiquitous, but I’d say it’s fairly prevalent in the little microcosm universe that is the SDMB.
Some of these divorce threads contain some well deserved vitriol: http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=169126&highlight=divorce
I had hopes of venting my emotions about my own impending divorce in this thread, and truly wish I could- However, just typing this post is about as much as I can stand.
At any rate, here’s why I posted this here, in “My Humble Opinion” instead of “MPSIMS”; a small poll.
Should I toss my wedding ring into the Pacific Ocean?
A touch more background is in order.
My soon to be Ex-wife lost her wedding ring at a local beach some months ago.
(quite an omen)
I am considering throwing my ring in the water at the same location.
Call it closure.
The rings can be together as a symbol of what might have been.
If you’ll find “closure” by tossing the ring into the ocean, by all means do it.
IMO, it would be far better to pawn it and do something special or worthwhile with the cash. Help someone in need, donate to a charity or even buy new speakers, etc. I can’t see the sense in just tossing away a valuable object.
I’m sorry for you loss, Stanger. I know what the end of a long relationship feels like. No smarmy platitudes here. Just hang in there.
Hi Stranger! ~hugs~ I’m sorry dear, I’ve been hoping that we would see you around soon.
I guess I agree with wakimika. It’s all about what you want to do with the ring. If that’s what seems best to you, go for it. I do agree it could be a waste of money (but in general men’s wedding bands aren’t terribly expensive, so maybe not!) but it’s your ring, your choice.
I’d second this (especially if, after you symbolically tossed away your ring, you discovered that her “lost” ring had been used to help finance some project of hers).
Hello Jaade,
Thanks for the hugs. I have been around, but as usual, I read more than I post.
Thanks for the input everyone…
I think Eva Luna opened my eyes to a new possibility…
I have two daughters, ages 10 and 7.
I think I will have it re-made into two small plain bands- one for each girl.
Will they miss me?
I’m not dying, I’m getting a divorce.
I hope to get at least 50% custody of my girls.
as far as the dramatics…
from my perspective, a wedding ring is a pretty dramatic symbol of a union between two people.
If the union is disintegrating… well then, a dramatic gesture for a dramatic symbol.
OUT
Shit, Stranger, I had forgotten all about that thread…
Anyway, I’ll tell you what NOT to do with your wedding band. As you might know, shortly after that last thread I met Ginger of the North, and we have been happily married for a little more than a year now. I had made the bold, dramatic gesture of tossing my old wedding ring into a drawer and forgetting about it. When Ginger and I were planning the wedding, we needed to buy rings. Thinking idly ( actually NOT thinking at all ), I mused…“Y’know, we actually just need to buy one for you, because I can use my old one over, it’s in the drawer upstair…”
UH-OH.
Let me just mention that I have an idea what Hitler must have felt like, September 2, 1939, explaining to his Chief of Staff that he had been hungry the day before, and had simply asked for someone to go out and get some Polish sausages for dinner…
Anyhow, that’s one thing you shouldn’t do. I wound up pawning it, I think I got $10. Asleep in the deep sounds pretty good to me, and I think rings for the daughters is a very nice idea, particularly if you make up a nice story to help them deal with the stress of divorce. “Mommy and daddy won’t be together anymore, but since you’re the most important people in both our lives, we made these rings out of our wedding band for you because you two are one of the perfect things that came out of our marriage…” It’s a bit rough, but that’s just off of the top of my head, I’m sure you can do better with a little thought…
Although the marriage was brief and didn’t work out, it still represents an important part of my life. I rarely ever look at it, so its presence isn’t a distraction to me or anyone else.
I’ve thought about pitching it, but figure I can keep it around as a reminder of things. I don’t have too many pictures of us, and I do want a reminder of those years of my life, even though they ended sadly.
What you do with your ring really depends on your bitterness level:
0-1: store in box with selected photos and mementos
2-3: quietly give away/pawn
4-5: throw into ocean
6-7: mangle, mail to ex-wife after divorce is final
8-9: have enlarged and wear as cock ring for casual sexual encounters
10: same as above, except later mail photos of acts to ex-wife
Me, I’d recommend the first one, but you should of course calibrate your response to the level that best suits your needs.
(Joking aside, I’m sorry to hear about your divorce.)
In years from now you will probably find that you’d wished you’d kept the darn ring, and you’ll be kicking yourself for throwing it away. Though I agree with many that throwing it into the ocean will probably help with the closure side of things… but a few months later someone will find it with a metal detector, take it to a pawn shop and sell it as it has no meaning to them then you’ll see it in a window for sale in a year from now.
The idea of keeping it for your daughters is a great idea.
I gave mine to my mother who had the engagement and wedding ring made into a new ring, but whenever I looked at it I knew it was from HIM, so I didn’t wear it, I then lost it! But now that we’ve been divorced 10 years now, all is forgiven I wish I still had that ring, as it was beautiful and the angry feelings are gone and it would look beautiful on my fingers now…
Oh well you cant spend time thinking about what could have been…
In final, IMO keep the ring, don’t have it made into anything yet, wait untill your daughters fingers are fully grown (if you have it made to fit them now they won’t be able to wear it in 3 years from now) and then you will be able to make a decision without all the negative feelings you have now, and it may actually turn out to be a pleasant experience…
Well, I tossed mine into the Gulf of Mexico. From a boat. Way out. That felt really good, and even though it’s been many years since that act, it still feels good to remember it. I’ve never regretted tossing the damn thing. YMMV, obviously.
plnnr-
You’re correct, and I knew the monetary value was next to nothing, so pawning it for cash was never really an issue, just one of many means of disposal.
I am set on the idea of having two small bands made out of it- one for each daughter.
scout1222-
triskaidekaphobia? No, this marriage was actually over in the 12th year, this last year has just been…empty.
(and thanks for the opportunity to use “triskaidekaphobia” in a post!)
Giraffe-
my bitterness level is pretty low.
However, your scale of bitterness made me grin…level 8-9 on the scale? LOL, If I chose that level, I would, of course, have to make some inane, boastful, statement about how that cock ring would be a very thin thread by the time it was stretched that large…(ahemcoughcough…sorry, I guess that poor attempt at humor shows I am going to survive this un-pleasantness)
superstar-
On occasion I am that person with the metal detector at the beach! (yep, I have a metal detector).
I thought about the size issue and was just going to have two rings of equal size made…then get them gold chains to hand the rings from. I don’t foresee them wearing these rings as everyday jewelry, I see them as a memento type of an item.
John Carter of Mars-
I think if Eva Luna hadn’t given me her suggestion on re-forging the ring I would have thrown it into the ocean.
I know that just thinking about tossing it gave me a significant feeling of closure…if I didn’t have my daughters then I would still give it the heave-ho.
