I have wedding ring that I don’t need. I don’t need it because me and my wife separated last January and in spite of at at least some effort on my part ( which is more than the effort on her psrt ) to reconcile, it’s been made clear that reconciliation won’t happen, which is really fine by me, and yet I’m left with this rather poignant reminder of failure: the wedding ring. That last sentence was horrible. Anyway, the question I have for you is what to do with this ring.
**1. I could sell it and buy some worthless trinket or toy. ** Although my marriage may have failed, it wasn’t all bad, and I don’t care to trivialize it with a mini-disc player or some equally idiotic thing.
**2. Spend it on my duaghter. ** My wedding ring reeks of failure, and I don’t want to curse my duaghter with it. Yes I am superstitious. A bit.
**3. Sell it and give the money to charity. ** This seems like the best bet. I could use the money this thing is worth ( it cost maybe 360 CAD$ in '96, it’s white gold, it’s actually 2 rings that lock together like a puzzle ring ) but I can’t think of anything that wouldn’t inherit it’s stigma because of it’s history. I could donate the money to a women’s shelter or something.
What have those of you divorced done with your rings? While I’ve known many people whose parent’s have dviorced, it never occured to me to ask what they did with their rings.
My husband gave his first wedding ring to his brother. BIL sold it or traded it for another ring, I think. But I like the idea of selling it and making a donation to a worthy cause. At least some good will come of it.
If my parents were to divorce, I don’t think I’d want either of their rings. But since they just celebrated their 50th, I don’t think that will happen.
How old is your daughter? Would your daughter like to have it?
Depending on your girl’s personality and her reaction to the divorce, something along the lines of "I know this is hard for you, and I can’t do anything to make it better, but I want you to keep my old wedding ring. At first I thought that this ring was a symbol of failure, becuase your mom and I are not getting back together, but then I realized i was wrong–it was still a wonderful sucess, because it led to you.
It occurs to me as I type this that someone might read some sort of weird Freudian-mother-replacement-incest thing into this idea, and to derail that idea, I would suggest that you talk to your ex-wife and that both of you give your rings to your daiughter–string them together on a chain, or even weld them together.
My daughter is only 4 years old, and she was only 3 when we split up. As far as these things go, it went very well, most importantly for my daughter. For her now it’s just the way life is, so I’m reticent to make her dwell on these things. We share custody and spend equal time taking care of her. While I think that sentiment of giving them to her is pretty neat, I don’t think she’s old enough to appreciate it. I guess charity is the way to go.
I don’t know what my wife is doing with hers. She was the first one to take it off, so for all I know she’s already disposed of it. Not to sound bitter or anything
I just mine put in a jewelry box and look at it a few times a year. I won’t throw it out for spite even though the divorce was quite nasty at times because it is a significant and tangible place marker of an important event in my life. Some people may think they need to throw it away in order to get past the past but I think keeping it as reminder of what transpired will make more sense in the long run.
Well, is there really any hurry to get rid of the thing? Why don’t you just put it in a safety deposit box for now and revisit the issue in a year or so?
OTOH, I once sayw a TV feature bit on a guy who will let you sledgehammer your wedding/engagement rings and rework them into a new piece of jewelry.
I don’t know what my dad did with his after my parents’ divorce; Mom says she sold hers to pay the mortgage. I think it would be weird for the rings to still be hanging around in the family somewhere, as my parents’ divorce was extremely acrimonious and resulted in years of endless lawsuits. I don’t care to have any more reminders of that hell than I already do.
I took mine to a gold dealer and bought something that I really wanted—lessons. My ring paid for a class that still provides me with enjoyment, years after I sold it.
Well, my ex-wife’s engagement ring (which, for us, was really the one that counted), contained the diamond from my parents’ wedding, plus a custom-designed ring and setting. When she and I got divorced, I kept the stone, and she kept the ring and setting. I’m keeping the diamond (which is really nice, the kind you don’t find often anymore; it was first used in a ring about 40 years ago, after all) until I find someone who I want to give it to. Don’t know what the ex did with the ring.
It was a natural thing to do in our case (after all, the diamond is a family item for me), so that story is probably not useful in the general case. Just sharing, really.
This topic pops up every so often…you might to search for previous threads. I put my wedding and engagement rings in a drawer. A few months ago a jewelry store was having a “we’ll buy your gold and diamonds” promotion so I took them out of the drawer but never made it to the store. So back in they went. I’m not in any hurry to do anything with them because they don’t mean anything to me now, bad or good. I’m considering giving my engagement ring (a beautiful solitaire marquis) to my niece for her future use. They used to painful reminders, but as I tell freshly separated/divorced people, time heals. A year from now you probably won’t have such hurtful memories (at least I hope you won’t).
I took my old wedding/engangement set, along with some other old and broken jewelry, and sold them. I also took the diamond gramma had given me some years ago and had it re-set into an empty, Art Deco band from her jewelry box.
In an ironic twist, both the band and the stone comprised her original engagement ring - the one given to her by the guy she dumped to marry grampa.
Mine is tossed in at the bottom of my jewerly box, along with my first engagement ring. The wedding band was only $50 new, so it isn’t worth reselling. The engagment ring is a simple pearl - once again, not worth reselling.
I wear the pearl from time to time. Since it doesn’t look “engagmenty.” And it is pretty removed now from its original meaning. (I’ve been divorced 10 years).
From time to time, before I got remarried, I discovered uses for my wedding ring. Mainly, going places where I didn’t want male attention, but male attention was likely - the wedding ring made a convienent ward.
BTW, best of luck. Its probably the low point now, but it does get better. And your daughter may like the ring eventually - especially if you give it to her when she is older with a “I wanted you to have this as a sign that your mom and I really did love and care for each other once.” She will put it in a box and perhaps pass it down as a heirloom - by then it will have lost all the meaning of a failed marriage and eventually be “my great grandfather’s wedding ring, isn’t this cool.”
