should I get the ring back?

I am soon to be divorced from my wife who has cheated on me and has had her wedding ring in a jewelry loan store for two years. Is it right for me to take it out and sell it or is she still entitled to it?

It is her ring not yours, so IMO it would not be right for you to take it. If you were to take it then you’d have to give your ring to her wouldn’t you?

The wedding ring is hers. You gave it to her as a gift.

If you fight over such things as wedding rings, you will just prolong the hurting and anger.

I’m sorry that you are going through a divorce. They are hell even without the anger.

This is the type of question that generally falls into IMHO, unless you’re asking about the legalities of taking the ring out of hock.

Is it right for you to take it? I would say no. It was a gift, and you can’t really take it back at this point.

Do you have the right to take it? Ask a lawyer (IANAL, but I am divorced ;)). My guess is no, since it was a gift, but if you’re using an impartial moderator to handle your divorce settlement, you may be able to get half of the value. If you both have lawyers, I think your chances are slim to none.

Buddy, Let the ring go. Let the woman go.

Sorry to hear about the trouble. You think you found a pal for life and now your world is tossed about like so much fruit salad.

FWIW. I gave my ring back to my Husband whan we seperated.
FF 2 Yrs. and I’m at his sisters house visiting when they come in the door. His new wife sits next to me at the kitchen table and lo and behold she’s wearing a lovely ring that has the right sized rock in it. I make a female fuss over the ring about how lovely it is and get a better look. Lo and behold, as I suspected, the Bastard had the same rock reset for his new wife.
Am I angry? no. actually I kinda feel sorry for her if he can’t go get her her own rock. The rock was a symbol of what no longer is and a null and void entity. To keep it would be, to me keeping hope alive for something that is better off in the past.

My prayers are with you.

I don’t know. In this case she has had her ring in a jewelry loan store, I’m assuming it is a pawn shop, for awhile. Don’t they usually sell it if you don’t come back for it? If they do I would just say to either pay what she owes to the store and get it back or just wait till the store puts it up for sale and then buy it.

I would call this an etiquette question with a specific answer, not an IMHO question. The etiquette of wedding/ engagement rings is different before the wedding than after. From an etiquette perspective an engagement ring is to be returned upon a broken engagement – no matter which party is at fault. After the wedding the engagement and wedding rings belong to the wife and need not be returned even in the case of divorce. So, according to etiquette the rings are hers to keep, sell or hock. In your particular case, though, the rings have apparently already been hocked, right? And if they were pawned 2 years ago the pawn shop probably has them up for sale. If this is the case I see no problem with your buying them from the pawn shop if you want them – say, if they were heirloom or family pieces. It probably wouldn’t be worth the headache to buy them from the pawn shop just to resell them – used jewelry never goes for much and you wouldn’t be likely to make enough over what you pay the pawn shop to make the whole mess worth your while.


Now that I have seen replies, know this.

I believe it is hers. It was a gift. It was my expression of my devotion and commitment.

However, it has been in a jewelry store for 2 years because she took a loan on it for $800 when the actual value is %5,000. It was supposed to be a short term loan as she just paid the interest every 3 months, but for the last year I have been paying the interest while we have been trying to work things out. Now that I see that things won’t be fixed, she has shown no desire to try to get it back. I have even taken a loan out to get it back on her finger and pay off $13,000 in credit debt, and she squandered $4,000 of it and neglected to get the ring back on her finger. This shows me no desire for it, which happens to be an heirloom. I made the ring from stones I inherited from my mother and my grandmother.

This hasn’t even been an issue between us as we are just beginning the divorce procedure. She can’t afford to get it out and has decided in the past to not get it out when I had the money to do so.

I know it is hers, but she has seemed to abused it’s ownership.

That is why I think I should take it back.

If the ring means a lot to you, get it back. Like you said, she shows no interest in it beyond some quick cash. IMO, it will lose much of it’s sentimental value to you after going through a divorce though. The money you would spend to get it out of hock might be better spent getting your life back on track. Best of luck, divorces suck.

Given that it’s a family heirloom, and your ex hasn’t shown much interest in it, I’d get it back. You don’t want stones from your grandmother gathering dust at a pawn shop!

Heriloom. Why didn’t ya say it to begin with? Durn skippy. You better go get that ring back. Then put it away for safe keeping. May you find another woman more worthy to wear it.

While I agree with the general sentiment that it may not be worthwhile in general to fight over something like a ring in the process of a divorce, and noting particularly that the ring in question is a family heirloom, it’s worth noting that the law does make a particular exception for engagement and wedding rings. (IANAL, and state laws may vary; this is based on remembered reading on the topic when I thought about studying for the bar.)

Such rings are symbolic of a commitment between two persons, and the law recognizes that symbolism. They are equivalent to an “earnest” payment on a contract. If the recipient decides to break said contract, he is not entitled to retain possession of the material provided by the giver in contemplation of the contract. An engagement ring, representing in a physical way the commitment to marry entered into by the man who is the proposer and the woman proposed to, becomes the property of the man when the woman breaks the engagement. Likewise, the wedding ring, bought by the man for the woman to be exchanged in token of the promises made at the wedding, reverts to the man’s ownership on the ending of that marriage, unless agreement between the divorcing spouses provides otherwise.

Go get the ring and put it away. Since she shows no interest in it and it has family value, then I think you should have it.

You “gave” it to her for a reason and she did not honor the commitment - she is not intitled to it IMO, but IANAL and there may be a factual answer.

I say that, logically, the ring should go to whomever wants it most: my personal feeling is that it’s common property and gets divvied up together with the house, the bank account … but my opinion won’t count for much as I’ve never been married. Put it on the list of assets you give your lawyer.

There is a lot of information on the topic at WITH THIS RING: POSSESSION OF ENGAGEMENT AND WEDDING RINGS UPON TERMINATION OF THE RELATIONSHIP. Lots of legal references going both ways: the article is dated 1994.

It is her ring, not yours. If you had broken up with someone while engaged, then you could take the ring back.

Not necessarily! From the previous citation

Welcome to the SDMB, Susanann!

I would definitely get that ring back. If you allow a family heirloom to be pissed away by some backstabbing bitch, then you yourself become a backstabbing bitch. Someday you will meet the woman of your dreams, and then you’ll know you should have gotten that ring for this one.

Don’t piss away the family jewels.

Don’t worry about the ring. It is a symbol of what was, and is no more. Better to have piece of mind and let it go. Just my two cents.

I’d say get the ring back. She doesn’t seem to want it and you do. Sure you could try and forget about it and let it go, but if it means something to you then get it back, remove the treasured stones, replace then with cheap fakes and give that to her. I feel that you really don’t want to let go of those heirlooms and I think she should repect that they belong in your family.