…or, "How Hal Loses ‘Husband Of The Year’ Honors"
Two nights ago, at roughly 2 a.m.:
“Hal*, wake up! Did you hear that??”
Zzzzz…zzzzzz…zzzznork! Huh? Wassathoney?
“Wake up! What was that?”
Wha…I didn’ hear nuffinzzzzz…
“Wake up! It sounded like a bunch of explosions!”
Naaw…I didn’ hear no explosizzzzzzzz…
Two minutes pass:
“Wake up!! There it is again!”
<indecipherable grunting>
“Please, wake up! It was rattling the windows…it sounded like some kind of bombing. Could we be under attack?”
Zzzzzzno bombing you were just dreaming go back to sleepzzzzzz…
“I wasn’t dreaming! I’m wide awake and scared to death!”
<sigh> Ok…<turns on radio, listens to three seconds of music, turns off radio>. There. If there was something major going on, they would have broken in to the music to announce it.* Me sleep now.*
“Ok then…hold me?”
ZzzzzI loveyoutoozzzzz
“I said ‘hold me’!”
Ohhh…<drapes an arm over sweet, wonderful, but slightly over-reactive wife, and slips back into blissful sleep>
*Ok, no, my wife doesn’t really call me Hal.
**A.K.A. “2 a.m. Logic”. Of course, if there were a real disaster, it would take the station at least five or ten minutes to get their act together enough to break in with the news.
Come the next evening:
“Ah hah!! I’m not going crazy!”
In my mind, the only thing I can thing is that if you have to start a conversation by yelling that statement, you’re instantly contradicting yourself.
Then, she shows me this.
Well I’ll be damned. A fire breaks out at an oxygen supply company two towns over, and my wife is using her Jamie Somers-style hearing to pick up on it. Looks like I’m going to have to be a bit more trusting in her judgment.
Last night ago, at roughly 2 a.m.:
“Hal, wake up! Did you hear that??”
ZzzzzzzWHAT? What is it honey? What did you hear?
"Nothing…just checking… 
"
I’m lucky to have her, and she’s lucky I realize that. 
