Extra points for screenname/post-contents synergy!
My offspring were young and innocent back when we joined the second party of visitors to Planet Earth - one of them asked me “Will the people there welcome us?”. “I should think so darling,” I assured her, “after all, by now, we are them all”.
As I was boarding the alien spacecraft for a trip to their planet, my friend rushed forward screaming “the book they gave us to decipher is a cook book!..From Rachel Ray!”
I stared at him in horror and shouted “You monster, you killed that child and ate his brain!” He stared back at me in curiosity and replied “Which child do you mean?”
“Of course I let the dog out! I’m always the one that lets the dog out - you never do anything!”, she retorted, “So shut the hell up!”. I shut up all right - I couldn’t think what to say - as I stood frozen, numb, looking at the tiny, empty, four-legged pressure suit, hanging in place by the airlock.
It turns out that, since the Happening, childbirth is invariably fatal for the mother.
Fortunately for the survival of the species, medical science is able to ensure that every act of conception results in twins or triplets.
(and to even things up)
The delightful newborn innocent had her father’s eyes. And, from the condition he was in, he certainly would have had no further use for them.
Ow, son of a–!
Brains.
He’d always had a fear of ducks, hating the way they stared with their vapid, stuid gazes as they swam towards the dock. Then he realized that these particular ducks looked very intelligent indeed…
(It made a lot of sense at 2 a.m.)
Quack. Quack quack!
Shivers, man. Cold quacking shivers.
“Ten fingers, ten toes - you have a healthy baby boy!”, exclaimed the midwife, looking straight into my blue eyes. So it looked as though this disguise was going to work.
It was fist sized, rhythmically thumping and pulsing like a human heart. But I already have one of those where it should be and this was in my thigh.
They renewed Firefly! Justin Bieber’s gonna be on it!
“See, kiddo, there’s nothing under the bed.”
“That’s because it’s standing right behind you.”
Karen thoughtfully watched Bill finish his art therapy for the day, content with the knowledge that he seemed happy and fulfilled with his accomplishments. As she waved goodnight, she felt pride that her husband would finally be a success, and all because she forced the decision to perform the lobotomy herself.
Two-sentence porn fiction?
You take that back ! You take that back now!
With his ex-wife angrily hectoring him on the phone, “Why isn’t she at daycare? She should have been there hours ago! Where did you take her?” he shook off his initial confusion and realized with sudden and momentary relief that his daughter must of course still be safely strapped in the carseat in the back of his car. As if seeking visual confirmation, he glanced out at the shimmering asphalt parking lot, his car sparkling in the noonday sun.
There was nothing particularly unusual about any of the stranger’s features, but as he slowly turned, people screamed and fled. Everything was quite normal - but there were simply too many of everything -too many eyes, and especially, too many mouths, with too many teeth.
On the other side of the door his cold blue eyes, full or resentment and accusation, stared at me for what seemed like a long, long time. I slammed the door shut before the ice cream next to him started to melt.