Gives me goosebumps…
Low black clouds swirled as I watched from my condo balcony. Then the tentacles dropped down around the building across the street and the screaming began.
The screaming woke him from the nightmare. He then realized that it wasn’t a nightmare, and that he was the one screaming.
<snip>
Nietzsche’s Eternal Return, in other words. 
“Rick, you’ve been good to me, and I am truly grateful,” he said, smiling through tears.
“I’d like to take something to remember you by, and I don’t think you’ll be needing these anymore,” he added, as he began cutting.
One side of the coffin lid was covered in dirt, and the other side was covered in scratches. Apparently, someone really wanted to get their hands on the dirt that was inside that coffin.
From (an item description in): http://www.kingdomofloathing.com
Oh you folks are freakin’ awesome.
I knew you could come through in this. Keep 'em coming.
Quintwatched as the PBY lumbered into the cloudless Pacific sky, trailing streams of pink water from its white underbelly. When the thrum of the engines faded to silence, all that remained was the lapping of the waves and the high pitched screams whenever the sharks stained the ocean with yet another sailor’s blood.
When I woke up today, I decided to meet my wife at the cemetery. After all, she comes here to visit me every week.
I was 20 when the aliens arrived. Our first contact was to be our last.
HAHAHAHAHAHA! Classic!
It turns out that it’s not true that if someone’s mouth and nose are closed while sneezing their eyes will pop out. All that sewing for nothing.
Some things make me have to blow my lunch.
Usually it’s when he says something cute.
[from “Dahmer in Two Sentences”]
I’m so happy that I can finally tell my headaches are getting much worse. It means the eggs are hatching, you see, and the maggots will soon come crawling out.
“Why me?” asked Job.
“Why not?” replied God.
Well done.
Got another one:
As in days long passed, again I fed the gulls on that familiar stretch of beach, but I could no longer hear their ravenous cries as they feasted.
My ears, like the hollow sockets of my eyes, were so stuffed with sand that I could not even hear my own screams.
I think that’s Jackmannii’s second entry.
. . . Right?
(I stared, perplexed, at the tattered and unfamiliar teddy bear now sitting on the end of my child’s bed and gazing back at me with button eyes. It reeked of incense and something else, and its lumpy form told me that whatever it was stuffed with was certainly not cotton.)
Her body felt so warm nestled against mine. But like all the other times, the warmth didn’t last.
“Oh my God” he cried out as he ran towards me, “I’m not the last human on Earth!”
“I certainly hope not” I replied as my fangs ripped into his tender neck.
It was a new city, a new start, and the opportunity to make some new friends. Getting the parts was going to be so much fun.