“Is it going to hurt as much as last time, Daddy?”
“Yes, sweetie.”
The clerk looked up and said “check out is at 11, and breakfast is served from 7 to 10.” His face went blank and in a soulless voice he whispered " the cable is out and the only channel available is Fox News…"
I was torn between wishing the screaming would stop, and knowing that when it did it would be my turn. It’s funny how the word “torn” popped into my head, considering what was happening to her, and what was about to happen to me.
Waking up next to his wife, the happily married man kisses her gently. He can still remember the day she died
My daughter’s porcelain doll fell and the head shattered. In the fragments, I could see empty brown pupae cases, and a tiny deformed skull.
The beautiful bride wiped a tear from her eye and said “mom, I’m so happy that I can get married in the same dress that grandmother was married in.”
“Not married sweetie, buried.”
“So Professor, how is The Thing?”
“I’m glad you asked, it’s dead.”
Once more.
For me, this loses points because I don’t know which “married” is supposed to be “buried” and the idea of both of them being it is nonsensical. I get that you may be going intentionally for an ambivalent interpretation, I’m just saying that for me, that doesn’t enhance it. If you’re not, I’d recommend changing whichever “married” isn’t supposed to be the mistaken word to some version of “[wear/wore] at [my/her] wedding.”
Yeah, I caught that after I wrote it and it was too late to edit. I appreciate the feedback, so how about:
The beautiful bride wiped a tear from her eye and said “mom, I’m so happy that I get to wear the same dress that grandmother was married in.”
“Not married sweetie, buried.” 
After cleaning up the mess on his grape press once again, Sam decided to give up trying to figure out how Johnson & Johnson makes baby oil.
“Dinner and a show!”, he said, as she undid her blouse. She was about to ask, “Why dinner?”, but the fangs unveiled in his lecherous grin soon provided an answer to that question.
Ok, I laughed at that one…
It was after bleaching, washing, and finally burning my clothes that I finally got rid of the stench of decay and death. But that’s what you get when you visit grandma at the nursing home.
Me too.
“Don’t worry, there aren’t any monsters under your bed, I’ve checked”, said the thing wearing his daddy’s skin.
Full marks.
“Billy, get out of your twin brother’s bed and go back to your own room. And both of you stop fucking with me.”
Man has only ventured into the icy waters of that Stygian abyss, has only disturbed the eternal darkness of those soul-crushing depths, but once. For twenty minutes.
Walking through the lonesome woods that night, I sang an old mountain air to keep my mind diverted. Behind me, somewhere back in the gloom, I could almost swear a low rasping voice was taking up harmony on the chorus.