This thread is for all the SDMB’ers out there who may need a few pointers on how to get the moderators to notice them.
Please add any more ideas that you may think of to this list as needed.
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**E-mail them often. ** Not just occasionally, but hourly. Mods LOVE e-mail. They wait at their PC’s with their fingers poised over the mouse wishing for more e-mails from dopers. Ask them lots of seemingly unimportant questions like, “Is it ok if I swear in the pit?”, or “May I log off now?” No question is too small for the mods. They absolutely love them.
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**Change your username every other day. ** This is a sure fire way to get a Mod to notice you. Creativity is heavily stressed at this board, and the staff get a big kick out of reading all the new clever usernames. Make sure to use usernames that have strange characters like “pi” or “infinity” symbols contained in them. The longer and more ambiguous the username, the better.
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**Post copyrighted material. ** Just copy and paste it straight into a new thread. Mods enjoy livening up threads by scolding a poster over a copyright infringement. It shows that they are doing their jobs.
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**POST IN ALL CAPITALS. ** Nothing gets your message across better than shouting. Some of the older moderators don’t see that well anymore, so it never hurts to be more visible.
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**Post in the wrong forum. ** One of the moderators’ favorite pastimes is moving threads. They take immense pleasure in bouncing threads from forum to forum. The mods make a game out of it and see who can move the most threads in the shortest period of time. It’s a real hoot. Then they get to add to their “Moved Threads” list. Mods love to post to their own threads.
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**Never, ever include a link or the source of your information. ** This gives a mod the chance to research the information in your thread, and either support or disprove it. They really don’t have other jobs, or for that matter, anything else to do other than what they do here at the SDMB, so they relish every opportunity to do research and post the results.
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**Use personal attacks at every opportunity. ** Moderators enjoy it when you get personal and call them names. I makes them feel like they are part of the board.
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**Have a post count party every time your post count ends with a “0”. ** Mods just love a good party. Euty would certainly show up and wish you many more splendid posts.
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**Open numerous flirt threads. ** No one flirts like a moderator. That’s how they become moderators.
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**Spam the board with links to your band or business. ** Hey if Cecil can sell mugs and t-shirts, why can’t you make a buck or two here as well? But don’t forget to disguise the subject line to make it appear to be a legitimate thread. Mods are thrilled by displays of trickery and misguided thread titles simply make their day.
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Post links to porn. Most moderators have vast collections and like to swap videos and pictures. Just ask them. You know which ones.
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**Argue with them constantly. ** If the mods says white, say black. If a mod says to quit doing something, repeat doing it. As mentioned, they love to post, and repeating themselves just gives them more opportunities to post.
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**Misspell their names. ** They practically orgasm when you do that.
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Screw up the vB c**ode. ** Mods need to keep fixing these codes to keep their vB skills razor sharp.
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**Always quote the entire post. ** Or even quote the whole thread. Why scroll when it’s there to read again and again… and again. If these folks didn’t like to read, they wouldn’t moderate here in the first place now, would they?
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**Never search out existing threads that deal with your subject. ** Even if the same topic appears at the top of that particular page, go ahead and post it because it may not be worded exactly the same. Individuality is key.
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**Plagiarize, plagiarize, plagiarize. ** If a thread was good enough to read, it’s good enough to steal and call your own. Especially if it was written by a mod. Imitation is the finest form of flattery.
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**Spelling doesn’t count. ** Or for added mod enjoyment, use the wrong word completely. It keeps them on their toes. ‘Nuff said hear.
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**Use slander. ** It prompts them to e-mail other mods. (See #1.)
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**Hot chick/guy links & free beer. ** The ultimate mod attention getters. Use them at all costs.
**Note: Satirical post. Do not do any of these things or they will come to your house and beat you silly. Really.**:)
Thanks to Silly Rabbit and Coldfire for their help. 
