I love babies and children. Even as a single 18-year-old, I smiled at the thought of having a baby to care for and to raise, but of course, my education and my life would not allow for it. Ever since I was 17, I’ve always been very maternal to kids.
The past year or so, a new thought or question came to me. The terrible twos are nothing compared to what my kids–and myself–will live through in their teens. Peer pressure, violence, the sexualization of everything. Of course, that’s it simplified, but the way it goes in my head makes it so terrible. I don’t want to screw up my kids. I would almost decide not to have them if I knew that’s what they would live through. I grew up with strict parents and that–as well as my choice of friends–have led me to live a very “safe” life that I’m not ashamed of. In other words, I’ve been a “good kid.” But how do I know my kids will end up that way? I’ve seen how some kids nowadays can undergo drastic personality transformations caused by “friends.”
It makes me so scared.
And that is the Mundane Pointless Thing I Must Share.
Don’t let fear make your choices for you. It is wrong to let it prevent you from doing the things to which you so clearly aspire.
I don’t know if you and I have similar parenting philosophies, so I am going to keep mine to myself. I suggest instead that you discuss your concerns with your parents. They apparently have a childrearing technique that you think is effective.
There are no guarantees about anything. There weren’t any for your parents or their parents, nor will there be for you. All we can do is the best that we can.
If you have kids, you’ll love them and do the best you can for them. The world will continue to change, but it will continue to turn. And there will be bad times and good times and bad kids and good kids and bad parents and good parents - just as always.
So there’s no sense in fretting is there? You’ll live your life and you’ll make the best choices that you can and you’ll probably do some stuff wrong and some stuff right, just like the rest of us. But you’ll do your best, and you’ll deal as you must.
And life will go on.
How’s that for philosophical?
* In 2002, daily cigarette use among 8th-, 10th-, and 12th-graders reached its lowest point since the beginning of the Monitoring the Future Survey (5 percent, 10 percent, and 17 percent, respectively), continuing the downward trend that began in 1997 for 12th-graders and in 1996 for 10th- and 8th-graders.
* From 2001 to 2002, the proportion of 10th-graders reporting episodic heavy drinking (i.e., having at least five drinks in a row at least once in the previous 2 weeks) declined from 25 percent to 22 percent. Rates remained stable from 2001 to 2002 among 8th- and 12th-graders, with 12 and 29 percent, respectively, reporting this type of alcohol consumption in 2002.
* Between 2001 and 2002, illicit drug use in the past 30 days declined from 23 percent to 21 percent among 10th-graders. One-quarter of 12th-graders and one-tenth of 8th-graders reported past-30-day illicit drug use in 2002, unchanged from the previous year.
You’re worried about your kids…and you’re in Toronto? Sheesh. If I was in the US (any major city) I’d probably have been sterilized by now
You probably have some false fears caused by watching too much TV. Toronto isn’t a bad place to raise kids. Sure, we have drugs and the ocasional shooting, but by far Toronto is a safe place to live.
I worry move about having schools within walking distance (my high school closed a few years ago and students from where I lived would have to take several buses to the alternate school) than about drugs. Or about health problems due to living in the city.
Thanks for the replies. At least I know my nonsensical post made it somewhere.
Although those stats are from the US, they do make me feel better. And I guess my worries do come from what I see on tv. There are just so many pressures during childhood and highschool and I’ve always felt for people who had to go through it. I’m the type who cries when I hear about teens being taunted at school.
And for the record, I live in Mississauga (near Toronto). My (future) kids are the reason why I’m pretty sure I won’t move out of here.
As a 45 year old who has never had children, I believe your fears are justified. I breathe a sight of relief just about every day that I don’t have responsibility for an infant or child.
If you want to feel maternal, how about a puppy or kitten? ;j
Re: the OP –
I completely understand. I use my horror at the deteriorating condition of the world as a way to comfort myself when I am unhappy about my childlessness (which, at the age of 42, is unlikely to change. It isn’t that I’m sterile, I just never found an appropriate opportunity, and I am not the kind of person who could raise a child alone.)
That being, said, Vision of Love, I find it unfortunate that among the people that I know, the more intelligent they are, the less likely they are to procreate. NOTE: that is NOT meant to imply that you have to be stupid to have children! My point is just that, as a thoughtful and concerned person, you have something to contribute to your children that many people who just blindly crank out offspring do not. (Pardon my cynicism – I work in Family Court, so I know whereof I speak.)
Enjoy your beautiful young life, enjoy your future children, and, if the opportunity arises, please consider adopting as well.
