I know that traditionally [as the joke goes] fathers worry about their daughters getting to the teens and sexual experimentation/awakening age because they know that out there is a boy who wants to get into his daughters pants and was just like he was as a teen …
Would the impact be the same if the girl in question were lesbian and a penis not involved at all? Is it the threat of teen pregnancy or just sex in general?
Sort of an odd question, but I was discussing it with a couple friends online and got basically both answers - no as long as pregnancy wasn’t possible it didn’t matter and yes any form of sex is a no go for a teen …
[FWIW, I am not too worried about sexual experimentation as long as pregnancy or slut shaming is not part of the equation, but then again I started young myself - from choice.]
As the parent of both straight and lesbian daughters, fear of pregnancy is first and foremost. After that emotional well being. There’s also the fear of STD’s.
I also had similar worries about my son. He may not get pregnant; however, he’d be paying for the child for at least 18 years both financially and emotionally. Then there’s STDs again.
So in many ways, I was less worried about my lesbian daughter.
To most parents their kids are asexual beings till they leave the house.
I thinks its just sex in general parents and society frowns on. Just because it can’t end in pregnancy does not make it safe. Any exchange of body fluids from ANYWHERE can still spread diseases*. THAT is another thing on some parents minds.
*Not talking about cold sores and Mono. You never know were the hypothetical partners parts or mouth have been.
I’m worried less about our daughter (lesbian) as the fear of pregnancy isn’t there. However, we still think she is too young for sex (17) and won’t let her spend the night or have girls sleep over at our house.
You never know where parts have been, but it’s not bard to make a pretty good guess. A person would have to be pretty inastute to not know a hooker or a player by the time you get to that stage of intimacy. Learning to use common sense is a lot more useful than saying never never never never never never never never . . .
Thanks =) All great ways to explain your points of view =) I don’t have kids of my own, just a pair of nieces, a selection of nephews and a half dozen goddaughters, but I tend ot be pretty protective of them.
And I find it odd that none of them have come out of the closet, I can’t believe of around 20 kids ranging from the next to youngest at 15 [the youngest is barely 2 years old and is interested in food and playing] to early thirties and they are all apparently straight <shrug> not that it particularly matters, I identify as hetero though I have gone both ways in the past so I really don’t care one way or the other.
Were I to have daughters (didn’t, but I had a niece I was very close to when she was growing up), I’d advise her
a) to seize reproductive control; to know the technology years, even a decade, before she has reason to deploy it; and
b) to focus on what SHE wants from other people sexually and romantically; I’d tell her I’d totally high-five her if she took on the whole senior class in the boy’s locker room IF she did so because it was hot FOR HER and it was what SHE wanted; but not to trade sex for love or ongoing companionship and not to ever feel obliged to participate in sexual activities just to avoid disappointing or annoying someone who really wants it a lot or acts entitled to it.
There are two sets of people who never have sex: Your parents and your children. Obviously reality begs to differ.
I don’t have kids, but as said by many above here are three potential factors:
A) Pregnancy
B) STDs
C) OMG Teen sex!!!11!1 :eek: :eek: :eek:
For me and my hypothetical HS-aged kids the priority mix would be about (64%, 34%, 2%) in order. Plenty of other people think of it as (unthinkable, unthinkable, 100%). It sounds like the OP’s two friends hit both these archetypes.
There’s also a
D) OMG *Queer *:eek: teen sex!!!11!1 :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: !!!11!1!!!11!1
Folks who wig out about C) are *real *unlikely to find D) comforting. Not even a little bit.
If my daughter is gay, she’s still going on birth control (preferably long term, like an IUD) as soon as I can talk a doctor into it. Because rape happens. I sincerely hope that it’s wasted money, of course.
I’m more concerned about pregnancy than anything else, because a teen pregnancy made my own life (and my son’s life) a lot harder than it needed to be. So I see avoiding teen pregnancy as akin to getting into a good school: if we fail, so be it, we’ll deal, but I’m going to do everything I can to give her the best chance in life.
Removing pregnancy from the equation, sex itself doesn’t concern me as long as it’s consensual and sane on all parties’ parts. Boys, girls, both, neither…it’s all the same to me as long as your partner(s) treat you well. I *hope *my kids have lots of great sex. Sex is awesome.
I have told them both (son and daughter, 12 years apart) that sex complicates relationships, and I hope they try out having relationships without sex first, because that’s still a steep learning curve. Mix sex with relationships when you’re just starting out, and it’s like playing a hockey game the first time you put on ice skates: terrifying and prone to injury. Let’s just try the skates on the ice first, before we bring sticks and pucks and other flying bodies into it.
If my daughter is gay, I don’t plan on prohibiting same sex sleepovers to prevent them from having sex, because I was a teenager once, and not ever sleeping over at my boyfriend’s house certainly didn’t slow us down any!
I said ‘low risk’, not ‘no risk’. Sadly, sexual violence can happen to anyone, no matter what one’s orientation or lifestyle choices are like. Which is why fertility control is so important, and knowledge about the morning after pill, and how to get it, is vital for all to have.
Since we’re speaking hypothetically the actual real world risk of getting raped and impregnated is very low. Wouldn’t a morning after pill solution in the case of her being raped make more sense than an IUD?
“Very low” means more than 31,000 women a year get pregnant by rape in the US. It’s cold comfort to them that it’s rare, I’m sure.
If we lived in a culture in which women always felt comfortable and supported reporting their sexual assaults, sure. And I certainly hope that if anything like that happens to her, she’d come and tell me right away. But statistically, she probably wouldn’t; the vast majority of rapes go unreported. I was raped for a period of several years by a family member and didn’t tell anyone until years later. I was simply lucky not to get pregnant during that time (or not yet fertile, I’m not sure).
Besides that, I’m not confident that the morning after pill is going to remain legal much longer; I hope I’m wrong about that too, but with the current political climate, reproductive rights are very much at risk. And an IUD is covered by insurance, where morning after pills and abortions are not.
Even if we take rape off the table, I expect there to be a level of experimentation and stupidity during the teenage years, and/or a situation in which she may discover (again, hypothetically) that she’s bi, rather than gay.
This is one area where I want to act pessimistically while internally remaining optimistic. Because the consequences are potentially disastrous if I get it the wrong way 'round.
True, but that falls outside of the “I’m not comfortable with my daughter fooling around at Lookout Point” parental concerns being asked about in the OP. If her partner at Lookout Point is a guy, she might get pregnant, if it’s a girl she almost certainly will not. That she could get raped the next day either way is a separate worry.
I wasn’t the first to bring it up. But that is why I made it one passing point of a multifaceted post on the topic, responding mostly to (but not quoting) those who stated birth control/pregnancy wasn’t a concern if you have a lesbian/gay teen, including the OP. It still is, or should be.
I don’t know why your particular insurance doesn’t cover the morning after pill or terminations, but I’m sure you’ve looked into it and you know better. But I wanted to let you know that though the Plan B brand pill is between $40-$50 on the shelf of your local drugstore or on Amazon, you can get a generic version for far cheaper and have it on hand and effective for three years, I think.
Better to have and not need than need and not have, right?
Obviously reality begs to differ.