I know at least two winners on this page are Dopers. Not the Grand Prize winner, to the best of my knowledge, but I can’t rule that out either.
Whoo hoo!
I don’t feel comfortable IDing them because real-life names are on the contest website.
So, if you entered, check and see if you won.
My reign as Best of the Worst is over.
The winner has an unfortunate last name.
The winner in the ‘Historical Fiction’ category is superb. Would be nice if the author of that one were a Doper.
Nice.
I don’t know why, but this is the one that made me lose it:
“She had the kind of body that made a man want to have sex with her.”
That was one of my favorites too. Also: ““Toads of glory, slugs of joy,” sang Groin the dwarf as he trotted jovially down the path before a great dragon ate him because the author knew that this story was a train wreck after he typed the first few words.”
I like this one:
Bill swore the affair had ended, but Louise knew he was lying, after discovering Tupperware containers under the seat of his car, which were not the off-brand containers that she bought to save money, but authentic, burpable, lidded Tupperware; and she knew he would see that woman again, because unlike the flimsy, fake containers that should always be recycled responsibly, real Tupperware must be returned to its rightful owner.
Spoons identified himself as one of the winners in the previous B-L thread. Since Dopers are doing so well at this, I REALLY need to remember to enter next year.
I’m a big fan of the runner-ups in the Adventure and Romance categories. A lot of the others go for a very particular formula with a deflating twist at the end, but those two go right for the bad and get there quickly. I think that’s more original, and maybe harder.
And that’s in no way a putdown of Boyo Jim’s winning entry from last year. That was very long, but a fine piece of work that was better than any of the ones I read on that page.
I have to confess I don’t get the pun in the runner-up sentence for Vile Puns.
Some of the runners-up are definitely better than the winners IMO.
Does this help?
It’s a pun on a lyric from The Music Man: “Seventy-six trombones led the big parade.”
With several Animal Farm references tossed in for extra absurdity.
I liked that one too, and then realized I really like it … I would read a book that started that way.
Gotcha, thanks.
Dang, none of them are me.
Of course, my email was out of commision for 6 months, so if I were a winner, I wouldn’t have known anyways.
I did identify myself, yes. Yay me! In his e-mail telling me I was a winner (actually, one of the runners-up, but hey, it’s an honor anyway), Scott Rice said I might be contacted by the media. So far, no media have called. Oh well. 
Yes, send in some entries. I had a blast thinking them up, and submitting them was as easy as sending an e-mail. IIRC, both Boyo Jim (in his posts on the topic) and the B-L website suggested two things I tried to remember in my submissions (and if I’m not recalling correctly, I tried to use the following guidelines anyway):
– That one should try to keep them short and snappy. While the long and wordy “Victorian prose” entries would be accepted and considered, it was the ones that “go for the bad and get there quickly,” as you put it, Marley23, that would probably be more favourably considered.
– That one should try to avoid similes. Of course, there are many in this year’s list of winners (including the Grand Prize winning entry), but I tried to avoid them anyway. Seemed to work.
Okay, now to work on thinking up next year’s entries… 
I recognise one Doper’s name, and I have suspicions about another being a Doper.
(Re the Tupperware entry). Me too. It’s funny as hell.
Actually, I’ve read and enjoyed worse stuff than the original "It was a dark and stormy night . . . ". Except for the parenthetical phrase about the story being set in London, it’s not bad, for Victorian literature.
I didn’t know until I went to Wiki that Bulwer-Lytton originated some phrases that are still widely used – “The pen is mightier than the sword”, “the great unwashed”, and “pursuit of the almighty dollar.” I wonder how many current writers will be quoted 100 years from now.
Sounds like they don’t pay much attention to their own guidelines. They disregard them like the Desregaredie McRothington, widely known as the disregardiest disregarder in all no this one sucks.
Next year I’m in for sure. I’m not superstitious, but aside from being busy I sort of felt it would be bad luck to enter a bad writing contest while also working on a “real” book.
Really? Is there a post someplace where you describe the book you are working on that you can link us to? If not, what can you tell us about it?
And congrats to all winning Dopers - very, very cool!
And yeah - “She had the kind of body that made a man want to have sex with her.” - is freaking hilarious.