I put that word in quotes, because I don’t really consider it a “hearing”.
A decision will be made next Wednesday, and I call that an “adjudication”.
I have run over the “scenario” of that day and time MANY times recently, and I am wondering how I will handle it emotionally.
I am on very heavy anti-depression meds right now, and my moods have “levelled out” a bit, but I am afraid that if I sense even the slightest bit of hostility or bias or prejudice against me, I may just throw up my hands and say “Well FUCK it then!”
I have a folder from my attorneys and I am currently in the process of completing an on-line “debt-management” course required by the bankruptcy court in my state before my debts can be discharged, but you know what?
All those friggin’ questions I am being asked to answer in the tests, were stuff I was already practicing BEFORE I lost my job!
I KNOW about budget! I KNOW about who gets credit and who doesn’t! I KNOW what it takes to keep a good credit score!
I am doing the damn test, and I AM going to the hearing, but I DO have just a smidgeon of PRIDE left.
I am just wondering how all of this will “play out”, and I KNOW I have to “hang in there”, because if it hadn’t been for y’all, I would not have even been ABLE to do this!
A man who can’t take care of his family is less than zero, but I don’t know if I’ll even be able to crawl, OGDAMMIT.
I’m just afraid of my emotional self, my shame, and what it might make me do, if there is even the slightest bit of hostility.
Oh! NOTHING violent! NEVER!
Just “coming back” with words directed at me with hostility with words of my own.
“Rat backed into a corner”, so to speak.
Thanks and I do love y’all!