Maybe someone has a copy, or can check with their library? I went to get the ebook, and it and the physical copy were out and had a waiting list.
If he actually does cite research, I don’t need specifics, just a yes or no
It’s been a while since I’ve read it but I’m pretty sure the theory is not based in research. IIRC the author draws from examples from his Christian counseling practice, citing case studies which are just about as good as anecdotal data.
That said, I think it’s a useful theory.
It’s available on Gooogle Books - not in full, but many pages and the table of contents are, and to me that is enough to conclude that there’s no citation of academic reasearch.
What is this controversial theory being referred to?
I had a quick glance through a PDF. The chapter footnotes, with an exception for M. Scott Peck appear to be entirely Bible verses. Apparently he has a website with a study guide https://www.5lovelanguages.com/.
Essentially the theory is that people give and receive love in different ways, and that many conflicts in a relationship can be traced back to having different love languages. So, if my love language is Words of Affirmation, and Sr. Weasel is showering me with Gifts, I’m not going to feel loved despite the best of intentions.
And not that controversial, but when you have self help books that aren’t based on research, you might get something useful, or you might get something that’s possibly harmful like the sexist “Men are From Mars…” books.
You may find this article helpful:
The article says
but it also talks about researchers’ responses to the theory.
I didn’t see anything harmful in the book, unless you believe religion is inherently harmful. It’s not full-on proselytizing but it’s clear his ideas stem from his faith. I’m an atheist who found the concepts useful.
It’s also - to be honest - not that deep. Like many self - help books, you could get the same information from a crib sheet. It’s as simple as knowing what the five love languages are and discussing them with your partner to figure out which ones apply to you. Then you focus on showing affection according to your partner’s preference. That’s it.
Well, as I said before, this is a book that does help, but there are “self-help” books that don’t help, and some that are actively harmful. If they don’t cite resources in the back, you don’t know which they might be.
Research sometimes confirms what we “know”, like allowing transgender kids to present as their preferred gender reduces the risk of suicide. Sometimes it over-rides common knowledge, like Galileo’s Leaning Tower of Pisa experiment (not to mention almost all medical knowledge up until somewhere in the 1700s or 1800s). And sometimes it shows more than what common knowledge tells us.
I have a book on the same topic by someone who not only was a counselor but a researcher. He doesn’t have cites per se, but he does have 6 pages of references, most of which are actual published studies