50 Ways to Lose Your Blubber

Drink water, not juice, Moose,
Eat a few more veggies, Reggie,
Try something not starchy, Archie,
Step away from the fridge, Midge,
yeah, get yourself free…

Try cutting the fat, Nat

Keep away from snacks, Jack
eat a lot of bran, Stan
try some Bok Choy, Roy
and carrots and peas

Stick to the plan, Stan
Don’t try to eat much!
Each more celery, Lee
And get yourself free.

Go run a few miles, Giles
Steer clear of those carbs, Barb
Follow 3 weird rules, Jules
Just listen to me.

Just hop off the bus, Gus.
Walk on home, Gerome.
Get out and bike, Mike.
And set your fat free.

Just pick up a weight, Nate.
Get off your can, Dan.
Get out and hike, Mike.
and skip the Icee.

Put down the sub, Bub.
Step out in style, Kyle,
Steer clear of the cans, Dan
you’ll soon be lard free

The problem is all inside your fridge, she said to me
The answer is easy if you ditch the Sara Lee
I’d like to help you fit inside that skinny T
There must be 50 ways to lose your blubber

She said it’s really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope I won’t appear too blunt or rude
But I’ll repeat myself, you need to eat less food
There must be 50 ways to lose your blubber
50 ways, you hopeless chubber

So don’t give me that bull, Bill
There’s nothing wrong with your glands, Hans
You just eat to much grease, Rhys
You’ll get a coronary…

Do P90x, Dex.
Or Couch-to-5K, Jay.
Even Insanity, Lee,
Could get yourself free.


Enough with the fucking cheeseburgers, asshole.

turn vegan, Steven
stir fry lots more rice, Brice
you’ll have more energy, Lee
and your exercises will be easy…er.

Ooo slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don’t need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don’t need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

(You’ve changed your name, each and every time after being dumped - over-and-over again. All this running around, back-and-forth from cafe to courthouse. Your nerves are shot, you’re a wreck. And skinny as a rail by now.)

Love it!


Well done!

Just trim off the fat, Pat
Before you grill that steak, Jake
Add a side that’s green, Jean
Just listen to me

Don’t eat that dessert, Kurt
Take a smaller serving, Irving
Put less on your plate, Kate
And get yourself free

Cut back on the french-fried tubers, Pseudotriton ruber ruber

Don’t sit in front of a screen at home,
Grab your boots, head out to hike Half Dome
Don’t veg out in your manly cave,
Yo, paddle out and catch a wave