Rats, missed the edit window!
That doesn’t match the cadence of 50 Ways at all, does it. :smack:
Oh well.
That was just lovely, Colophon! Woo to the Hoo!
well done mate
You got it goin’ on, Colophon
It ain’t about the calorie, Valerie
It’s all about the protein, Dean
Just cut out the carbs, Barb
Let Taubes set you free.
Chow down on the fat, Matt
And double the cheese, Louise,
It’s a 17-page thread, Fred
that’ll blow out your knees.
Ice cream, donuts, spare tires, beer guts
Cheese doritos, double fries, wanna SuperSize?
Atkins, Schmatkins, some fads say eat Catkins
Eat less, move more, get your fat ass out the door
We better start a diet
We avoid the scales
Cos we look like whales
We better start a diet
Cos the fat we’re packing
Came from constant snacking
Thank you all. You wouldn’t want to hear me sing it, though. 
Colophon, we’d politely listen and clap, even if you did suck. That was great.
Get your ass in the gym, Jim.
Consider a carrot, Garrett,
Think cruciferous, Gus,
Perhaps lose a leg, Peg,
That’s a pound or two.
Stay away from what’s fried, Clyde,
There is really no downside!
Take the time to chew, Pru,
For a new, smaller, you.
But stay off the drugs, Tugs
Don’t nees no alli, Salli
Forget the phen-fen, Ren
No need to take speed, Mead.
Develop bulemia, Valeria
Sign up for plastic surgery, Marjory
put in a lap band, Fernand
Or getcha all three.
Just lay off the sweet, Pete
Cut out all the bread, Fred
You can have a green bean, Dean
When you need a nice treat…
Just go on a diet, Hyatt
Don’t say you’re just gonna try it
Roast that chicken, don’t fry it
And get yourself free!
…You just cut out the snacks, Jack
Try the F-Plan, Stan
Swap the dairy for soy, Roy
Just listen to me
Bin the cream puffs, Gus
You don’t need to digest much
Just lay off the ghee, Lee
And get yourself free
Edit: I’m now itching to start a “Fifty Ways to Lube Your Rubber” thread… must be the ghee reference
Just lay off the flan, Jan
Take a pass on the toast, Joust,
Skip on the cake, Jake,
And get yourself free!
Shut your pie-hole, Cole
That doesn’t rhyme.
Valgard, you rock! You get bonus points for the first use of a Doper name in this song.
Bonus points for doper names? I’ll play.
You just need to eat less, Wes
Don’t listen to Stoid, Lloyd
Take a run round the track, Jack
And get yourself thin…
Damn.
You’re a psycho.
*Drink some more caffeine, Dean
Like a big cuppa coffee, Geoffrey
Just chug a Red Bull, Ted
And tweak yourself free
Start smokin’ cigarettes, Betz
You’re gonna lose weight yet
Eat only styrofoam, Jerome
And getcherself free…*