CNN has an upcoming special on 50 Years of Larry King. Most people know about his many marriages and his heart attacks and his contributions to hardcore journalism and his position as role model and that he’s worshipped as a god in parts of Asia and Winnipeg, but not as many know that every 50th year Larry King burns in a fiery explosion and is reborn as a young journalist once more and that he has done this at least 100 times. I have some highlights from a few of his interviews from before this last 50 year period and would love to read any others may have.
That explains a lot. He knows where ALL the bodies are buried.
(I think your Larry King is spot on. Could the guy be less relevant and have his head further up his own butt?)
The appalling crap purveyed by Larry King, from OJ Simpson to Jon Benet Ramsey to Suzanne Somers, is the single overriding reason I rejoice that I have lived outside the US for most of my adult life.
I recall reading somewhere a long time ago that LK has some sleazy history with Bebe Rebozo (shady financier-friend of Tricky Dick Nixon, for anyone too young to know the name). My vague recollection is that Larry stayed out of jail only because he knew some important people in the State of Florida. But I can’t find a quick source for this despite the wonders of Google, so maybe I just dreamed it.
Regardless, the man is absolutely fetid.
1790
LK: Our guest tonight is Catherine the Great, Empress of all the Russians.
Welcome, Catherine.
CG: That’s “Empress’.
LK: Of course, Empress of all the Russians, and author of “My Life in the Winter
Palace.” I was sorry to hear about your husband Peter.
CG: Yes, thank you. He took entirely too long to have an accident.
LK: There is talk of you and your adviser, Grigory Orlov.
CG: Yes Larry, we are still friends and he advises me in running my vast empire.
LK: And I understand that you have taken up horseback riding.
CG: Oh yes. I quite enjoy a good ride Larry, but I must say it’s not always on the horse’s back if you know what I mean…
LK: Omaha Nebraska, go ahead…
Caller: “Hi, Larry.”
LK: “Caller, what’s the question?”
Caller: “Uh, this is, uh, Bob. Empress Catherine, Why did you hire John Paul Jones as a Rear Admiral in the Russian Navy?”
627 AD
LK: Muhammad, where did you come up for the idea for the Quran?
M: The angel Jabril visited me in a cave and said recite and when I opened my mouth out poured the most beautiful Arabic verse all inspired by God.
LK: So you had help?
M: I was divinely inspired.
LK: Does this Jabril split the royalties with you?
M: There are no royalties…
LK: Any thought of who you’d like to play you in the movie version?
M: I’m not a character! The book is a divinely inspired work of history and inspiration and faith and character, not a novel! The ‘characters’ are the Prophets, the Men of Faith, men like Jesus and Moses.
LK: Any preference on who’s going to play Jesus and Moses in the movie?
M: I like Johnny Depp for Jesus, though Nick Nolte more looks the part of Moses.*
*Muhammad would actually not have known who Johnny Depp and Nick Nolte were, so I changed the names from the actual 7th century Arab movie stars he suggested.
And of course there is the real incident that occurred during CNN’s new year’s eve coverage of the new millennium:
Larry King (to the Dalai Lama): So, as a Muslim, what do you think of Jesus Christ?
(His holiness starts to adjust his earpiece)
Dalai Lama: I don’t think I heard you correctly
CNN cuts to commercial suddenly. Upon return, the Dalai Lama is gone.
Larry King: And of course, I must point out that the Dalai Lama is one of those great, great Buddhists!
I remember that differently. King was in his cups. The Dalai Lama responded with something like, if I may paraphrase, “Well he was a very self-actualized individual.”
Goshdarnit! The funniest thread I’ve read in six years here and no new posts for twelve hours. I’d give it a shot, but I’ve never watched Larry King’s show.
1460
LK: Our guest tonight is Vlad Tepes, also know as Vlad Dracula, ruler of Rumania and author of Saving Christianity from The Ottomans.
So, Vlad, tell me about furniture.
VT: Furniture?
LK: Yes, the Ottomans.
VT: Ottoman Turks. I impale them whenever possible.
LK: Hence your other moniker, “Vlad the Impaler.”
Let’s take a call. Igor from Budapest, you’re on the air.
Caller: Uh, hello? Am I on the air?
VT: Someone so stupid is not fit to live! (Impales caller on twelve foot stake.)
Caller: Argh! Oopf!
LK: Caller, what’s the question?