Mary Cheney Does Larry King (re: her new book)

Did anybody see Mary Cheney on LARRY KING the other night? She’s done some other talk shows as well plugging her new memoir Now It’s My Turn (for what exactly I’m not sure, though not having read and having no intention of reading it I’m not likely to find out) though I can’t find the transcripts online, but she said essentially the same rehearsed monobanter on them all. She was easily one of the most slappable interviewee not to be facing a federal indictment that I’ve seen on TV in a while.

A few excerpts. When asked by King what the biggest public misconception about the Dick that created her is:

There have been many many many many many anti-Cheney references made on these boards, in the American media, in the foreign media, by pundits of all ilks… is anybody familiar with any of them that said anything to the following effect: “I think Cheney is an arrogant rude soulless asshole, and you know why I think that? It’s the way he treats his grandchildren!”

Fuck ya-sef, Mary, that’s a non-issue and a non-defense and you know it! I think Jefferson Davis was one of the worst things ever to happen to America, but I’ve never had reason to doubt he didn’t love his wives and his kids and that he wasn’t truly torn up when his sons died or whatever. Rommel loved dachshund puppies (some of his last words were about one), Ferdinand Marcos was a by most accounts a wonderful dad, Andrew Jackson adored his wife and raised an orphaned Indian kid as his own, Stalin loved… well, okay, you have me there, I can’t think of anything Stalin loved… but the point is that these men are deemed evil for many reasons, but (except for Stalin) the way they treated their families isn’t generally among them. NONE of my problems with Dick Cheney and NONE of the reasons I think he’s a bad person and a worst VP have jackshit to do with the fact I don’t think he goes to enough of his grandkids’ soccer games and you know this, Muffy.

The program turns to Kerry & Edwards’ respective arguably “Dick Cheney has a lesbian daughter” comments during the debates. Okay, I can honestly see the point of those who argue they were gratuitous (especially Kerry’s which was mentioned when Cheney was nowhere around) but

The question was about gays. You’re gay. You made your living from being gay (Coors’ liaison to the GLBT community, whatever the fuck that is- up there with Chastity Bono being a media watchdog). Your father was standing there in the VP debate- Edwards mentioned you and your partner and your father’s love for you when gay marriage was mentioned. Was it dirty pool? Possibly. Was it essential? Not at all. Was it politics? Absolutely.
In the same debate your father swore he’d never seen John Edwards when they were on the same committee. The next night THE DAILY SHOW opened with footage of them sitting at the same table chatting while on that committee. I consider this as bad if not worse than Edwards’ comment because at least Edwards wasn’t lying- you are gay and by your own words your father loves you. And neither Kerry nor Edwards ever listened to Karl Rove (though they perhaps should have) so I don’t think they hold the monopoly on dirty tricks or provocative (true) statements. Get over your damned publicly gay self.

About Kerry and Edwards commenting on her book and criticizing about how lightly (though, in her defence, negatively) she addresses the Bush regime addresses gay rights:

Hmm. Guess your dad needs to be impeached because hey, we’re at war and he’s the VP and he’s spending time going to his grandkids’ school plays and soccer games and going hunting with pals (and you and your partner, though they weren’t there on the day of QuailGate). If that’s the best response you can muster, shug, you might want to ask your dad if you’re adopted cause you’ve got all the political bite DNA of the average Gap clerk.

Questioned about her dad’s anti Federal Marriage Amendment views:

Uh huh. Yeah, he really did say that he was against FMA, several times, he really did. He also said that he would support the president in the FMA even though he was personally against it because, after all, he was the president and the party’s leader. How’s that any different than being for it really in terms of effectiveness? Rather like George Wallace and the other Dixie Death Eaters who probably didn’t have a racist bone in his body going along with and playing to the masses of asses in Alabama who wanted strict racism and to show the blacks who was boss instead of risking losing the election by playing to the middle- throwing fuel on the flames of the burning crosses that he personally found offensive and later wanted clearly understood he didn’t light (he was under an imperius curse like Lott and Byrd and other people who played to racism in the early days but later saw the light and got free [about the same time their black constituents got the vote]).
I don’t care if Cheney plays with his grandkids, I don’t give a damn if he comes home at night, slips on his cardigan and a tutu and knits skull caps and mittens for Iraqi war orphans while singing 'Give Peace a Chance with houseguests Yoko Ono and Tommy Smothers, it’s what he does while he’s at work that I give a shit about and whatever his conscience he publicly works to further an agenda of his boss. Fuck this “He’s not really that way” shit- it’s like Howard Campbell in Vonnegut’s MOTHER NIGHT who works as a US secret agent while daytiming as a Nazi propagandist- the good does not cancel the bad.

Mmmm. Well that’s what’s really important isn’t it? Oh wait, no it’s not… if you die intestate tomorrow Heather has no more rights to your estate than I do and if you have an ironclad will your sister can have a better than average chance of breaking it. If you and Heather split up tomorrow she cannot sue you for community property in the state of Virginia including royalties from the book that calls her the love of your life. You have no rights to her surviving spouse’s death benefits nor she to yours. You’re lucky in that you don’t need them as you have at least an 8 figure inheritance coming your way from dad if you outlive him and you probably will, but for most that’s not an issue.

And what a wild coincidence that candidate just happened to be the one who had your dad (and the provider of your enormous future inheritance) as a running mate. Audience, do we believe her or do we have a cop out? (And does anybody else remember the appearances her nieces and nephew and sister and brother-in-law made in which she was there but her partner was noticably missing?)

Then on LARRY KING as on other shows she was asked about certain key issues in her father’s administration. She responded the same on LARRY KING as she did on the other shows:

Uh, Mary, boopeleh… why the fuck do you think anybody would give two yanks of the devil’s third wife’s eighteenth titty about anything you have to say OTHER THAN your insight on your father and the current administration? Are you just regarded everywhere as a scintillating raconteur and natural wit? Is your life aside from being the daughter of a powerful and controversial political official just way more interesting than other lesbian kids from rich families? What insight do you have that makes you worthy of a seven-figure memoir deal exactly? Darling, this reminds me of the time I saw a biography of Yoko Ono that had the statement “Includes details of her life with John Lennon” and I thought to myself “What the fuck else would it concentrate on? Her art and her contributions to music?” Whatever your position with AOL or COORS your ultimate job description is “relative”, and nobody cares about anything you have to say unless you just happen to have a ghostwriter who could make a recipe for carrot cake poignant and dramatic and from what I’ve read, you don’t.

So the obligatory disclaimer: it’s really not partisan here. I can completely understand a child defending a parent they don’t agree with. I’m on record somewhere on these boards as defending Mel Gibson for defending his lunatic Holocaust denier dad in the press and not taking it as proof that Mel, ultra conservative hypocritical nutlog though he is on other matters, has the same views. I myself have relatives living & dead that I love very much on a personal level and couldn’t disagree with more on an intellectual or ethical level and in public I would do what Gibson did- refuse to attack the person while not promoting their views.

However, if this book were written by Chelsea Clinton and she refused to talk about Monica Lewinsky or her father’s more controversial acts as president, or if it were written by Kerry’s daughter and she refused to comment on her father’s “flip flopping” or his more idiotic moves in the most botched opportunity in American presidential election history or Karl Rove’s daughter and she refused to comment on her father’s shittery, I would say the same thing: Why write it? You have no wit or sparkle to speak of, your writing (what I’ve read of it) is functional at best and you won’t address the thing you’re most famous for? I’m not asking you to trash your dad, but at least tell us something better than he’s a wonderful grandpa and good fisherman and when it comes to his controversial views either tell us why you support him wholly (other than the obvious “He’s gonna die and make you very rich one day”) or have the nads to say “Screw the fortune, he’s wrong and here’s why” but don’t just say “Nah, I’m not gonna talk about that, what I want to do is sing about sunshine and puppy dogs”.

Lame rant, but the point is I don’t like Mary Cheney. And people seem to judge William Calley way too much for that My Lai thing while conveniently forgetting that the man simply adores puppies and his grandbabies, so he can’t be all bad.

I saw her on 20/20 (or one of those news magazine shows). She didn’t impress me much.

REALLY nice rant, Sampiro. I always admire your style. Too bad Ms. Cheney has none.

Hell, I would pay good money to watch that.

Some very valid points, Sampiro, and funny as usual. A minor nitpick:

The word you want here is usually spelled “bubbelah.”

And upon further review: even though I knew Mary Cheney is gay, the phrase “Mary Cheney Does Laarry King” is really disgusting.

Excellent rant, sampiro --and I agree. Being a veritable Mr Rogers as a grandad has NOTHING to do with his job. Talk about muddled thinking? Is she sure she’s gay? I would think with such lame analytic abilities that her stance on anything would be called into question.

Her ego must be large, indeed, if she thinks anyone is reading her book for any other reason that she is Dick’s daughter.

Mary Cheney said we are at war IN this country? I’ve fucking had it. That’s the absolute end. Bastards called a Civil War, and I wasn’t even notifed. Just for that, I’m joining up with the South. :smiley:

Which side doesn’t contain Dick Cheney?

In any case, given the electoral maps of the US, I’d think that a modern civil war would be the coasts against the centre (and Florida).

I seem to remember Cheney being in or from Wyoming. That would make him one of the blue bellies.