How do these Christ-centered, Reality-sheltered families deal with having a family dog?
I mean, into a home where only 'My Little Pony," “Sunset Magazine” and E. F. Hutton prospecti are allowed is introduced a perverted little cretin who snogs his scotum, gobbles up his own shit, sticks his snout into every crotch he can reach, and trots around the house with the daughter’s soiled panties in his mouth.
I guess getting her one of these would be out of the question then.
[QUOTE=jjimm]
I guess getting her one of these would be out of the question then.
[/QUOTE]
Shit, now I’m traumatized, too. What the hell are those things?
My son’s best friend (both 4 at the time) was faily insistent that “it” was called a pee pee or wee wee or some shit like that. This frustrated my son to no end, and he finally said:
“It’s not a wee wee, it’s called a PENIS! A PENIS!” He starts to pull his pants down and grabs himself “This. Is. A. Penis. Gah!”
I settled them down (they weren’t really fighting, just having one of those 4 y/o disagreements) and gave them the “penises are private” talk then I just about peed on myself laughing.
I’m so glad I don’t know these people. I am guessing my son would be in juvie for sexual assault.
(that is, assuming they are real people)
It’s “emergency” calls like this that would make it really suck to be a pastor. Hell, I almost want to send the pastor a $10 donation for putting up with this kind of crap.
http://www.thevillagenews.com/opinion.asp
Something about these don’t seem quite right- is this a very subtle parody site?
[QUOTE=interface2x]
Why do I imagine it sounded something like this…?
[/QUOTE]
[Martinet]
I did the Simpsons joke yesterday. You were supposed to do the American Dad joke.
Come on, people, read the freaking duty roster!
[/martinet]
[QUOTE=The Weird One]
Shit, now I’m traumatized, too. What the hell are those things?
[/QUOTE]
They’re traditional Japanese tanuki (a kind of raccoon). The character of tanuki is a mischievous folk hero - and he appears in the Mario Brothers. He’s also famed for his huge kintama, or testicles.
They even make cuddly tanuki toys for kids, with large kintama on display - often containing bells.
[QUOTE=Slithy Tove]
I mean, into a home where only 'My Little Pony," “Sunset Magazine” and E. F. Hutton prospecti are allowed is introduced a perverted little cretin who snogs his scotum, gobbles up his own shit, sticks his snout into every crotch he can reach, and trots around the house with the daughter’s soiled panties in his mouth.
[/QUOTE]
Hey now, c’mon. I apologized for all most all of that already.
[QUOTE=matt_mcl]
What bewilders me is how this fellow insists on writing “penis” with all asterisks, as though it were a vulgar word. It’s the Latin anatomical term! How does he refer to it? His special no-no naughty gentleman area?
[/QUOTE]
How do we know “p***s” is meant to stand for “penis”? Aren’t we all jumping to conclusions here? :dubious:
Barney’s poops!
The sign probably said “Barney Snipes.”
Never heard of “Barney Snipes,” you say?
It’s a popular snack in the southwest, sort of a chewy cinnamon cookie, like a snickerdoodle but darker and spicier. They weren’t originally tied in with the TV show, as they were a local traditional company long before the purple dinosaur, but they were one of the first to capitalize on the association and signed a placement deal early in the show’s run. As the packaging has featured the children’s character for a number of years, the phallic joke has been fairly well known and frequently made for a while; most storekeepers don’t put the name of the product on their signage because it invites exactly this kind of prank.
It doesn’t help matters any that the product is shaped exactly like a giant cock.
Yes, I have fond memories of going to junior high and watching all the students walking around gnawing on their Barney Snipes. The part of the memory where they tell me I’ve been out of junior high for fifteen years and that I need to stay a hundred and fifty feet away from the school, that I’m less fond of. But oh, those Barney Snipes. How I loved them so.
I made up this whole thing
[QUOTE=Cervaise]
I made up this whole thing
[/QUOTE]
This wasn’t inspired by Death To Smoochy, was it?
Damn you! cervaise --that made complete sense and I bought it until the end.
I am trying to figure out what words were rearranged to make this horrendous display of vulgarity that has destroyed a little girl’s innocence. She may as well take up work as a child prostitutem such is her sullying.
The Dad should take this to Congress and get a Law passed. Ban the word --oh, I can’t even type it. Where are my smelling salts? I’ve got the vapors…<faints (gracefully) and sinks to floor>
[QUOTE=MsRobyn]
I don’t want to be her husband on her wedding night.
[/QUOTE]
If that’s truly your wish, I think we can arrange for that.
Um… Wouldn’t it be the action of a penis that would pop her cork?
[QUOTE=eleanorigby]
She may as well take up work as a child prostitutem such is her sullying.
[/QUOTE]
Catering to the dinosaur trade, no doubt.
I think 6 year olds are more fascinated rather than traumatized by the mention of a penis.
When my niece discovered the word penis, she tried to fit word in every conversation.
When her little brother would fall down she’d kindly ask him if he hurt his penis. 
[QUOTE=Colibri]
Catering to the dinosaur trade, no doubt.
[/QUOTE]
There’s a market there, I swear! Triceratops have different needs than apatosaurs etc.
Don’t get me started on archeopterix…
you know of “Furries”?–well, this is a whole nother community that’s needs are not being served.
[QUOTE=Colibri]
Catering to the dinosaur trade, no doubt.
[/QUOTE]
Based on the evidence of skin casts, this trade would no doubt be extremely rough.
[QUOTE=Lynn Bodoni]
My father is a sucker for little girls, and he would play with my daughter, read to her, and try to teach her new words and phrases. I can still hear him say “Say GODDAMMIT, Lisa. Say GODDAMMIT!”
[/QUOTE]
My first word was “shit”, taught to me by a young uncle who thought it was absolutely hilarious. My second word “incredible”* is recorded as my first in my baby book, for obvious reasons.
