Penis Puppetry and Me

The BBQ Pit
1

Or, Penis Puppeteer’s Complaint, by Fenris Roth

What with all the hysteria about the Penis Puppeteers being on the Tonight Show I kept thinking about their “justification” for their gimmick. However funny they may be (and I hear they’re actually a riot), their phony “justification” is just silly. I mean…“The Ancient Australian Art of Genital Origami”. :rolleyes: Uh-huh.

Y’know, when I was a teenager, we didn’t haveta make up excuses like that. We just called it “jerking off”. But if we hadn’t, I can just hear the conversation: :smiley:

PapaFenris: < bangs on bathroom door > Whaddaya doin’ in dere?*

Fenris: (frantically trying to hide the porn under the old towels in the back of the linen closet. ) Uhhh…nothin’

PapaFenris: You been in dere a half-a-hour. Ain’t you reg’lar?

Fenris: I’m regular. I’m fine!

PapaFenris: Den whattaya doin’ in dere awready?

Fenris: I’m practing the ancient Australian art of genital origami dad!

PapaFenris: < silence >

Fenris: Dad?

PapaFenris: What?!

Fenris: What?

PapaFenris: You’re doin’ what??

Fenris: I’m practicing the ancient artform of penis manipulation.

PapaFenris: < more silence>

Fenris: Pop?

PapaFenris: Dat…you’re…WHAT??? MamaFenris! Geddovah here!

MamaFenris: Yes? What is it Papa?

PapaFenris: < through bathroom door> You tell your mudda what you just tol’ me.

Fenris: I just said I was pr…

PapaFenris: DON’T YOU TALK DIRTY TO YOUR MUDDAH!

MamaFenris: What’d he say?

PapaFenris: Our son, the sex gargoyle, said he’s “maipulating his genitals with Austrailans until he origamis wid’ his penis”

MamaFenris: Where did we go wrong?

Fenris: That’s not what I…

PapaFenris: Are you calling me a LIAR?

Fenris: No, but I…you…I think you misunderstood

PapaFenris: So I’m stupid?

Fenris: I was just practicing genital origami like the Australian Aborigines used to do!

MamaFenris: You’re JEWISH, not a Hottentot! Behave like one!

Fenris: What? You mean be sexually repressed and sleep in a different bed from my wife?

PapaFenris: < pounding on the door > Don’t you talk filthy about your mudda! You come outta there!

Fenris: No. You can’t make me. And now I’m going to form my penis in to the shape of a llama.

MamaFenris: Where did we go wrong??? Fenris, you’re breaking your mother’s heart. And if you’re going to be a Lama, what will we tell the Rabbi? Why would you want to be a Hare Krishna? You look awful in saffron!

Fenris: Mom, I’m NOT going to become a lama.

PapaFenris: Thank God for that! Now you come outta there!

Fenris: I will when I’m finished.

PapaFenris: With your genital orgazimi? Not in MY bat’room. Now geddouta dere!

Fenris: Fine. Go away and I’ll come out in a minute.

PapaFenris: You better. An’ I don’t ever want you to be a origazmical Australian Lama in our toilet EVER again!

Fenris: Whatever :rolleyes:

PapaFenris: Don’t you roll your eyes at ME, mister.

Fenris: Sorry dad.

PapaFenris: < satisfied > Ok den. You come out. We’re gonna have pot-roast for dinner.

Fenris: Pot-roast?! Oh BOY! I’ll be down in one minute!

PapaFenris: I’ll see you down dere. < leaves >

The End

  • in point of fact, PapaFenris and MamaFenris sound NOTHING like this, but it’s funnier this way.
2

Bloom County reference?

Irregardless, 'tis another awesome Fenris post.

genuflecting

3

I hope you washed your hands first.

:smiley:

4

apothesis: Yes. I hoped someone would get it. :slight_smile:

Java
As hairy as MY palms were, I’d woulda had to shampoo 'em.

:wink:

5

Oh, shit. Another of my great schemes stolen, clothing for penises. Like doll outfits.

I was going to name the first product line, “My little pants pony”.

6

Let me shampoo them.

Anything else need attention?

:smiley:

7

EEEP!!!

You guys are so bad! I almost woke the rest of the house up laughing!

8

Now THAT’S what I call a thread title. :smiley:

9

I swear, Fenris, you make Leo Rosten look like an Episcopalian.

10

I must’ve missed that.
They certainly wouldn’t show anything on Leno, would they?

I can just see the infomercial now…

11

There was a great segment on these guys on “Real Sex” a few months ago. Pretty much gave away the whole show. “The Hamburger” is my favorite!

I’ve been by the theater, it’s right on 42nd St. but not in the expensive part, in a small and usually respectable theater I’ve seen other off-Broadway shows in. There’s no dirty pics outside the theater and the men assured the HBO interviewer that, unlike Fenris :wink: they don’t find it arousing at all and summarily reject guys who audition and can’t keep it–professional.

I don’t own one myself but it looks kinda painful. But the Loch Ness Monster is soooo cute!

12

Please 'splain. How does PapaFenris know dat Fenris is rolling his eyes…from BEHIND the bathroom door?

13

That was intentional. Didn’t your parents ever display telepathy like that?

You: < in back seat of car, preparing to kick your little sibling >
Mom: < in passenger’s seat yet, so there’s no rear view mirror factor > "Don’t even think about it, mister.
You: How’d you know…?
Mom: < Grins slyly >

Fenris

14

I thought that was an automatic parent talent, delivered with the baby. I know my parents always knew (and still know) what I’m doing even over the phone…

15

Why did I open this link at work…

16

I am shocked that you, Fenris, of all people would steal another’s work and claim it as your own.

More than that, I'm shocked you thought none of us would catch you.

The term Genital Origami is not Fenris’ idea.

Genital Origami Lad appeared  in Legion Of Superheroes #69 "Doom From The Descrambler". GO was one of the new recruits who joined to fight Dr Bakk Pajjad, a mad scientist who planned to install his strange devices on televiewers and thus take over the Earth. The other new members were Speculum Lass, Carnal Kid, and AndyGirl. 

       It was Dominique"Dommey" Natricks first, and sadly last, issue as writer. He was found hanging from the ceiling of his appartment, a prop golden lasso around his neck. Various comics were spread on the floor, each figuring female characters. The obvious auto-asphixiation accident was covered up (much as DC covered up its theft of Superman). The official explanation was that Natricks had been acting out a plot for a new issue. Alex Ross has painted Natricks into the background in Kingdome Come. Ross has said that he admired Dommey for standing up to the DC executives. "Everyone one else would just drop to their knees and nod their heads to the execs. But, not Dommey. That guy had plenty spunk."
17

I resent that!!

:smiley:

18

absolutely. It comes along with the “Mommy rule book” which includes such gems as:

child always must go to bed when mommy is tired.

clean underwear is a must.

and yes, your face **will ** freeze like that and you will poke some one’s eye out with that thing.

19

How can you make a penis into a llama?

20

You’ll have to ask Michael Jackson.
Oh, you said “make”–not “put.”
Never mind.