I noted in the mini-rants thread that my brother-in-law recently died and left my sister living alone out in the country, and temporarily unable to drive. She has lots of friends who will help, at least for a while, until she gets on her feet again. She has a strong social structure, mostly built around her church.
I contrast this with myself and I am sometimes afraid for my future. I live in the city, I am married (my husband is 70, I am 68) and we are pretty self-sufficient. We don’t really have a circle of friends; he’s Japanese and has a small circle of Japanese friends; I have some acquaintances and maybe one friend-type person. If something were to happen to him, I fear what would happen to me. How not to wither into bitter lonely old age?
I’m an atheist and can’t abide any sort of worship, so churches are out. I’m not easy to get to know (shyness mostly), and I’m socially clumsy. I gather I’m not particularly fun. But I do have my good qualities (at least I think so). I just don’t think I have what it takes to build up a social network painstakingly, one person at a time. I gather I am not the only one on this board with this kind of social issue. I’d like to hear your success stories, or your untried ideas, or your wacky thoughts.
Are there any senior centers or places like that in your area that offers opportunities for folks to gather and do stuff?
I don’t know if you are retired, but I have heard of different groups that maybe plan trips (day trips, local trips, foreign trips) that you might could meet new people and build friendships.
As mentioned above, hobbies or interests that you might share with others.
I have a buddy that hangs out at a cigar shop and shoots the crap with other guys.
Start riding a motorcycle and join a civic minded biker group.
Are there any groups in your area that you might consider joining (AMVETS, Masons, Shriners, a Lodge)?
My activities and hobbies have, in general, been solitary, although they might be convertible - i.e. my interest in reading could lead me to a book club. My one friend-type person came from one of two volunteer things that I do; the other volunteer thing has been a dead loss socially, so far, and it is by nature fixed to only 12 months.
StrTrkr777, although I am getting old I am not yet elderly and the senior centers that I have looked at really seem to be all about the elderly.
I have no objection to joining groups, per se, but they would have to be gay- and atheist-friendly. I’ve been looking from time to time; so far not much luck. I’m not a veteran, and I am too timid to take up motorcycles at my age.
Hmm, I fear I am going to come across as one of those people for whom no suggestions are good enough. I hope I’m not like that. But one of the characteristics I’m looking for is low performance pressure, I fear a choral group would not have that.
I have actually looked at Meetup.com in the past. I will look at it again. There is a LOT there, maybe an embarrassment of riches. I would have to put on my big boy pants and be willing to try things without knowing in advance whether it’s going to work out.
Does anyone here have a heartwarming success story about meeting people through Meetup.com?
Plumpudding, can you elaborate? I generally prefer to spend time with people the same age or younger, rather than older. Is that too picky? The reason is just that I don’t (yet) have physical or mental constraints of the type that I usually associate with the elderly, nor am I particularly interested in nostalgia. Perhaps my view of the elderly is unrealistic, I don’t know.
I’m in the same situation, in that if anything happened to my husband, I’d be alone. We have friends, but I don’t have any.
Since you live in SF, certainly you’re aware of the Gay Men’s Choruses there. You don’t have to be a super-proficient singer, and they provide a ton of social events and opportunities to meet other guys. I’ve been in the chorus here, and it’s been a joy to perform with them. Even as a non-singer… for example, I’ve been the designer of all the chorus’s CDs.
Music. Bands and choruses are some of the greatest groups of people I know. There are also ethical societies which are basically churches for atheists who want everything else a church community provides.
That thing you said about your big boy pants? Yep. Time will only make this harder, so get a move on.
Volunteer at a school. There are so many things that they need help with. You wouldn’t necessarily be around kids. Ballgames volunteers and concession stand workers are sorely need. Also teacher aids. Most schools have an advocate to come up with helpers. Call around. Also book clubs are great fun. Call the library.
If volunteering is a possibility, SF has more little museums than you can shake a stick at. The Cartoon Art Museum, for example, recently changed location. See if one interests you. You’d probably be meeting a range of ages, but that can be useful, too.
I meant younger. I’m speaking as a younger person. Sometimes older people can seem a bit standoffish about hanging with someone way younger. I’ve played in some bands with people who could be my dad or my dad’s older uncle.
I think you should just try out something you like with other people, and see if it’s still enjoyable.
As mentioned up thread, music is great way to meet people, whether you play/sing or not. If you don’t play/sing and have no interest in doing so, you could check a local venue that hosts smaller concerts in a genre you might find interesting. If you like it and show up often, people will recognize you. The rest is magic.
Do you like games? Board games, darts, pool? Same thing applies, really.
Also, season tickets to anything from Opera to minor league baseball. Whatever it is you like, you’ll be seated next to other people with season tickets who like that same thing. Bring food to share as appropriate, or suggest meeting before or after the next time…
There are some great ideas here, thank you all very much.
Regarding something panache45 wrote, this activity wouldn’t be about “meeting guys” if that means anything romantic, since I am married. I tend to make friends easier with women anyway, as it happens.
I am still interested in hearing your heart-warming stories of turning your life around from lonely loner to happy with a few friends found by some outside activity. You know, something to encourage me and push me out the door. Anything at all, really.
There is a choral group to match every level of anxiety, from “please memorize an aria or art song for your audition” to “if you like to sing, show up! everyone welcome!”
There are also lot of volunteer opportunities which have nothing to do with churches. Everything from feeding the homeless to petting puppies to repairing clocks.
A (sadly late) friend used to volunteer at hospitals to talk to terminally ill people. Not the most inspiring activity I guess. If I lost my wife, I would try out the local senior centre, although my woefully poor French would be an obstacle in Montreal.
I was really on the fence about even mentioning such. I tried to figure out reasonable wording. I wanted to communicate that I did not see 68 as being elderly and so was not sure about how to reference the senior center without sounding like I meant that.
I have never been to such a place, so I really had no idea what the age makeup/group dynamics of such a place would be. I know we have a Retired Adult Fellowship at church and they are quite active, so I was trying to think of secular places that might offer the same experience.
I have often told my wife that if I were single I would probably be a hermit. I am not nearly as outgoing as she is.
I can’t believe a gay man in San Fransisco cannot find friends. Isnt that the gay mecca? And they are all not young hot guys either. must be some old gay farts around.
