-It has never poured salt in the sugar bowl.
-It waters the houseplants when you are out of town.
-It lets Chuck Norris have the last word.
- It’ll drive, no worries and let you change the radio stations too.
- It has a map to where you’ve left all of your cool shit over the years.
- It contains an excellent excuse for calling in to work and going fishing.
- It doesn’t get drunk and listen to Dire Straits songs at 2:00am.
-It is on cordial terms with Jack Bauer.
-It knows all of the mods on a first-name basis.
-It didn’t vote for Bush either time.
-It knows that chili should never have spaghetti in it.
-It adds a slice of very sharp cheddar to my piece of apple pie.
-It helps with the dishes afterwards.
-It roots for the Tribe.
It doesn’t think you’re crazy when you want to go to the beach in November. It just sits in your lap top.
It brings friends together around Thanksgiving for a good laugh.
It’s never in the bathroom when you need to be.
It’s not eating the last cranberry orange muffin from Fresh Market. I AM! BAHHWWWAAAHHHHAAAA!
It has all its NSFW links properly disabled and follows the two-click rule.
Although it’s a great deal, there’s enough of it to meet customer demand, so I don’t have to worry about getting up early Friday morning.
It tastes just as good as regular threads even though it’s sugar-free.
Its title fits perfectly in either the first or second position of a sequential thread.
It neglected to inform me of the blizzard of '06, leaving me to roll around in the sunshine here.
It doesn’t watch 24, or anything else on Fox for that matter.
It doesn’t do stupid things for Bud Light on TV.
It is sensitive but funny.
-It got us home just in time for Thanksgiving dinner with our gorgeous nuclear family.