A "Boy Who Cried Wolf" syndrome when it comes to suicide, etc.

In My Humble Opinion
21

Clicked send by mistake, and couldn’t complete my previous post within the edit window :mad:.

Bit of a tangent, but this is not true in all cases. Sometimes, severe enough depression could severely hamper the ability to think or do anything, much less scheme or contemplate suicide. In his excellent book, The Noonday Demon, Andrew Solomon describes that during the worst period of his depression “when I could hardly cut up a lamb chop”, he wasn’t a threat to anyone. However, as he recovered slightly, he was able to think and do everyday activities but he was not able to feel any pleasure; it was at this time that he also started having suicidal thoughts.

In short, I guess this is a complicated illness whose exact effects can vary from person to person.

22

It’s impossible to second-guess why someone would call a suicide hotline. Every caller is coming from a different place, and is calling with different expectations. In fact, sometimes it’s appropriate to ask a client what they were expecting when they called.

As far as suicide itself is concerned . . . some people call with the intention of being talked out of it, while others may already be in the process, and need someone to know what has become of them. The frustrating thing for a hotline counselor is that most of the time, you have no idea what has become of a given caller.

23

I’m going to put everything on the line here, only because I know what it’s like, and I hope this helps.

I knew something was terribly wrong, but I didn’t know what. I wanted to be hospitalized, but my (so-called) “doctor” had the attitude that I would hate being hospitalized and that furthermore, mental illness was something you should just “pull yourself out of by your bootstraps.” And I was too sick to have it together enough to defy her.

After about six months of agony, I felt like the only way to end the pain was to die. I had never threatened suicide, but I know now my husband was afraid I would do it–but for reasons I don’t want to go into, he believed my doctor that things would get better by themselves.

I formulated a plan, wrote a letter so people would know why I had done it. I was getting ready to leave the house and drive to the bridge I planned to jump off of, and my husband must have seen something in me that told him this was it. He asked me point blank if I was going to go kill myself and I confessed that I was.

He took me to the ER, I was hospitalized–which ironically turned out to be one of the best experiences of my life–and now, with medication, I have been stable for 15 years and live a completely normal life.

So looking back I would say that it was the ultimate cry for help. It wasn’t death itself I wanted, just a way to stop the pain, and for someone who was able to do so, to get me help.

I guess if you boiled all this down, my answer is that if someone is talking about or alluding to committing suicide, get them help. Whether they “mean” it is an open question. That they need some kind of help is definitely true.

If their threats become a chronic problem, at some point you may have to hand them over to someone else to preserve your own health. But that will be easier for you if you know you tried your best to help them.

Hope this helps.

24

Missed the edit window but, just as an aside, I hope that, heaving read this story, when you think of mental illness you will think, not just of the homeless person living in the gutter, but of the many more of us who, twice a day when we take our meds, are supremely thankful that our illness is controlled, and understand that you pass many more such people than you know.

25

Seconding what panache45 and DinoR have said (and I remember that little exercise book with the notes about regular callers):

There are some people who are depressed with suicidal thoughts over a long time. That doesn’t mean that any particular time they reach out for help they can’t be in a serious situation needing serious help. One strategy that is available from a helper perspective is to go through a risk assessment. This is like a checklist of questions ranging from “Are you thinking about suicide” to “Do you have specific plans that you are about to execute”. This is good for the helper, too, because you can have some reassurance about whether this is time to pick up the phone and call emergency services, or time to listen compassionately.

It works well for people who aren’t serious about suicide too, because being taken very seriously can shock them into realising that idle talk about suicide is not a good idea.

For someone who is suicidal, please don’t let previous times seeking help stop you from seeking help this time. There is always someone who will listen. Telephone services are very good at that - they are there, waiting to listen, and to take you seriously.

Velocity, I have to ask (but you don’t have to answer). Did you start this thread because of how you are feeling at the moment? If so, please do talk to someone in real life. If you feel you’ve exhausted your friends and family, there are services listed at the front of the phone-book, wherever you are, and they will listen and take you seriously.

A more academic response to teach-me-not: You can’t tell for sure, but most people who reach out for help when they are suicidal are pretty honest. The people determined to kill themselves don’t tell anyone, or are clear that they are just making sure someone knows what happened. There’s a sliding scale from “thinking about suicide” through “thinking about how they would do it” to “having a very specific plan” to “intending to do it at a particular time”. There’s also a thing called “contracting” where you can ask if they are willing to promise not to hurt themselves for a particular period of time, or to tell you (or call back if you’re a telephone counselor) before they do anything. “Has a specific intent” and “Will not contract” are the key flags for sending the lights and sirens.

26

I couldn’t help but think of the hypochondriac.