My wife not only helps herself to MY fries, she will dump a bunch of extra salt on them first without even asking! WTF is up with that? Oversalt your own damn fries!
But yeah for Five Guys we usually split an order. Even a “small” is too much for one person.
Warning: you’re going to come home in the very near future and discover she’s taken that perfectly indented cushion to the upholsterer and had it replaced with Titaniumpedic and your days of confortably drifting off surrounded by molded goodness after a burger and fries while watching wilderness reality shows ARE OVER!
Just sayin… it’s gonna happen, the gender bender.
5 Guys I can split. Other fast food or dinners… No way! “Thou shalt not covert thy spouse’s fries” was one of the 15 commandments, on the tablet that Moses dropped and shattered.
Or even worse: a whole new chair! :eek:
Signed,
The voice of DOOM.
Of course a burger *needs *fries; just like a sandwich *requires *chips. I have a vague distrust of people that eschew the french fry :dubious:
I too had a partner (had being the operative word) who did not share my ardor for les frites and when tasked with bringing home food or ordering for both of us would make the stupid mistake of getting me a small. A small! Or, god forbid, expect us to share an order.
Well, I suppose I could drive the 865 miles (one way) to the nearest In-N-Out.
Right now? You and me? Enemies.
You have made a very powerful enemy my friend.
I mean, not me, I’m not powerful, but we’re still enemies. Someone else is probably powerful.
Or even worse, “I had a few of your fries on the way home honey.” (All the big ones you can grab while driving that is)
This should be grounds for awarding the house to the man if there’s ever a divorce.
IF?
First Time… if you are newlyweds… fine
Second Time… She better have picked them up on her way home from Victoria’s Secret
Third Time… You get the crock pot, I get the blender.
So, how long did it take for her to drive back and get the fries?
Nope- that’s the transportation tax - snitching a few fries is the price my husband pays for asking me to “bring something home” for dinner. 
I fully agree with this. Fries can sometimes be a nice bonus, and cheese too, but a good burger requires neither.
Is it cancer? It’s cancer, isn’t it??
Not that this ever happens in the Odds household (in the unlikely situation that my wife is tasked to “bring something home” for dinner, we’re eating Filipino food), but the answer to that is get a separate small fries for yourself. No fry poaching!
I could see maybe not wanting to deal with a big, greasy bag full of loose fries in the car. But I’m assuming that she does this even when she goes to places other than Five Guys that actually put their fries in some kind of sleeve?
Whatever it takes to improve on their crappy, crappy fries.
Yeah, I love In N Out, but nothing can save those fries. You have to be a heck of a potato purist to enjoy those on their own, and even “animalizing” them makes them only just marginally better and a lot unhealthier than the plain order.
You’d be terribly disappointed. I wouldn’t go across the street for their food. As for your wife - how do I put this delicately - I’d dump the bitch (kidding!!!).
The best burger place in this town automatically includes fries, cheese, and bacon with every single burger they make. It’s like one of the gods directly downloaded nirvana into my neighborhood.
Their Double-Doubles are worth the trip.
As an added bonus, if you also order the fries,* it will cure you of the notion that a burger HAS to have fries with it to be worthwhile. Seriously, their fries suck.
The downside is that after you’ve tried the Double-Double, Five Guys will never be good enough again.
*except the Animal Fries. Them are pretty good.
ETA: I appear to have been anticipated on the fries thing.
I’m more the onion ring side but I know what you (the OP) mean. My wife once made some great burgers and then for a side --------- snap peas. But the sex has always been great so I forgave her; just requested it never be done again. 