I’ve been married for 28 years to a wonderful woman who I love to death, but sometimes I just have to wonder if she hates me or what.
Occasionally… like tonight… we get busy and she will bring home some fast food for dinner. Tonight it was Five Guys. One of my favorite places. and she brought me a burger… PERIOD. Where are the Cajun Fries? I would even settle for the regular ones, but just a burger?
If this was the first time, I could understand, but it wasn’t. I’ve tried and tried to explain that there is a reason they talk about a burger and fries. There is a reason the combo meal everywhere includes a burger and fries.
Sure, she is beautiful, and funny, and has given me three wonderful children… but I’m not sure I can continue like this if she just can’t get the basic principals of life.
Oh come on… I’m a man of the times. I had gotten my own six pack and put it next to the couch (the side with the remote and the indent that matches my butt exactly).
I’ll take you to task on the fries issue. I’m one of those weird people who loves a good burger, and even loves a good hot dog, but could do without the fries. Seriously. If fries were wiped off the face of the earth tomorrow, would not bother me at all.
A good burger NEEDS nothing else.
A good burger does not even NEED cheese. There, I said it.
Plain fries are what you get if they don’t have onion rings or at least curly fries.
With fast food it depends on if I already have something to drink. If not, I’ll get the combo, but otherwise I only get the burger. Also, fries are usually an afterthought. Some places are known for them, but if someone eats at a sit down restaurant and leaves most of the fries no problem, but I’m going to look at you weird if you fill up on fries and don’t finish the burger.
My mother used to baffle me by buying a burger with no cheese. I can understand claiming a burger doesn’t need cheese in the theoretical sense, but I can’t understand actually foregoing it if it’s available. How can any burger not be made better by adding a layer of gooey deliciousness?
And if you can’t get fries for some reason, please bring onion rings.
I also love onion rings, but there are a few problems.
Five guys doesn’t serve onion rings.
Somewhere in my late 40’s my intestines decided they didn’t like onions any more, and even though I love them my gut turns them into a toxic gas that would make Stalin proud.
Based on number 2, my wife doesn’t think a Dutch Oven is nearly as funny as I do.
The problem with Five Guys fries is they give you WAY too much. They fill a cup until it’s stuffed full and overflowing, drop it in the bag, then drop another two scoops in on top. I’ve routinely seen 4+ people at a table not finish them, and that’s the “Regular” size. I mean, I certainly appreciate their generosity with it, they definitely give you your money’s worth and then some, but I don’t like to order them just to toss 80% of them in the trash on my way out.
Our local Five Guys now has a “mini” order of fries where they overflow a small paper cone. We don’t indulge too often but when we do we both get the mini order because neither of our intestines can no longer take the burger PLUS a regular order of fries
It could be worse. She could be like my wife. “I don’t want my own fries, I’ll just have some of yours.” Woman, I love you but keep your fingers away from my fries!
Same here. I almost never order fries with burgers anywhere. It’s just too much for me, especially at Five Guys. Only if I’m overindulging. I’m no longer in my 20s, and I just feel like a lump for the rest of the day if I have burger and fries.
