This is the third businessday in a row that my normally trouble free parking experience has been disturbed by several different putzes. And I’m not happy about it. I don’t want an exciting, looooong, parking experience. I want a boring, quick, routine parking experience. If only the putzes would let me.
This is an open letter to his or her putzness:
I have two small complaints that I’d like to share with you verbally, before takeing a baseball bat to your front panel.
First: If you are incapable of backing into a spot in, oh…let’s say three tries, get driving lessons and quit trying until then. This morning, during your twelve (12! I counted) tries to back your car into a spot that an aircraft carrier could have docked in, you blocked at least 9 cars that I could count which caused a traffic hazard on the road leading into the parking lot. My impressions of your machismo (or fachismo, I couldn’t tell) will not be in the least diminished if you pull into the parking spot “head first”.
Second: Park between the lines, not on top of them. I can’t stress this enough. I realize that years of snorting coke have rotted your brain so much that you now find yourself pavolvian-conditioned to center yourself on white lines, but…and this is key: YOUR CAR CAN’T SNORT THEM! We have about 400 employees who work the day shift in our building and about 380 parking spaces. If you and your ilk take up 3 of them for each of you, there’s that many less for the rest of us.
I know this might damage your delicate, butterfly-like spirit, but you’ll get over it. Straighten up and park right.
*Note: the reason that this was “compassionate” per the thread subject is that I didn’t actually hit them with a ball-bat (or, as I like to call it, a “larnin’ stick”).