There are a couple of words that I am confused about. The first set of words is “choice” and “selection”. What is the difference between these two? For some reason, people tend to use those words very differently, yet the two words sound so similar. For example, “Homosexuality is not a choice,” and "Natural selection “is the nonrandom process by which biological traits become more or less common in a population as a function of differential reproduction of their bearers. It is a key mechanism of evolution.” Now, look at this example: “I take off my blindfold and see that I have selected/chosen this red card.” I am not sure which to use or what the words even mean anymore! They are so confusing!
Another is “to sleep with someone”. I may be incorrect, but I keep interpreting this phrase to mean copulation. How do I write about a little boy or girl who wants to sleep with his or her teddy bear or stuffed animal without sounding like there is something sexual going on? Or about a little boy or girl who wants to sleep with his mother or father because he or she is afraid that monsters are hiding in the closet? I don’t know, but I feel that this term is too misleading. I wish there is a better way to say that you want to sleep with someone without sounding like you want to have sexual intercourse with that person. For instance, I remember visiting an old friend’s house. We played with each other for some time, before it was bedtime. Then, she said that she wanted to “sleep with” me. Since we were both kids (actually, pubescent children), I thought she meant “sleeping” in a non-sexual sense. Thankfully, I was provided a separate bed.
I think “choice” usually or always implies that intention plays some role in the process. “Selection” may or may not involve intention. (It doesn’t, obviously, in “natural selection”)
Your second example is the problem of euphemism. Once we euphemistically use a word to refer to something we’d rather not name, it becomes more difficult to use that word in its original sense without either ambiguity or embarrassment. But we get used to this; who laments that we can no longer use “toilet” to refer to the ritual of washing, grooming and dressing? But if it bothers you you can fight against this problem by saying “fuck” when you mean fuck.
“Choice” implies more than one option. “Selection” does not; one can select the only option. If only one option exists however, one has no choice but to select it.
I do not think that “fuck” is appropriate terminology in formal settings. The word seems too vulgar. I prefer “copulate”. It is specific, precise, and polite.
I wonder why people would create so many euphemisms for sexual intercourse. What is wrong with saying “sexual intercourse”? I remember I had this Sociology teacher in high school who replaced the phrase “having sex” by “playing board games”. So, when I suggested that my classmate should play board games with the teacher’s children, I thought I meant it literally, not having sex with the teacher’s kids! GAH!
Aren’t Choice and Selection synonyms? Use whichever sounds better grammatically.
I believe the 2nd option has been adequately answered. If the euphemism is so ubiquitous as to create an awkward or uncomfortable statement, re-word it.
ETA: Although, I will say choice seems more weighted to mean an external circumstance raising the opportunity to choose between two or more options. Whereas selection, seems to be more weighted toward internal desire.
I’m hoping the additional sexual innuendo is also on accident? :eek:
Anyway, the only way out of the connotations is to avoid word choices that too closely mimic the connotation. We usually say “sleep together” or “sleep with” so you need to avoid using the combination of the two words.
For example, instead of your statement that “she said that she wanted to sleep with me” you could write “she said that I could sleep in her room.” Instead of “we slept together” you could say “we slept in her room” or “I slept in her room.”
You could use other terms that have safer meaning or connotations - “we had a sleepover in her room” works because most people assume that sleepovers are nonsexual childhood behavior.
The mother and father’s bed example is also good. You probably shouldn’t say “Sally slept with her parents” as much as you would want to say “Sally slept in her parents’ bed” or “Sally slept next to her parents.”
To me, choice often implies some manner of preference or free will where as selection will often be used when discussing something rationally. This is what is meant by “homosexuality is not a choice”, in that yes it is an option in a series of sexual preferences but it isn’t one that involves free will. Of course, that said, in many cases they are interchangable, so it depends upon context.
Unfortunately, that euphemism is deeply ingrained. In situations where there’s not really a way around expressing it, I’d usually say “sleep next to” rather than “sleep with”.
If you are discussing a baby and her (or his) stuffed animal, the context of your story and common sense will inform anyone reading your words that you are not referring to anything sexual when you write that the baby “slept with” the stuffed animal.
Unfortunately, it is also hilarious to native English speakers. It’s easily the funniest polite or medical word that refers to sex. I really would not make it your word of choice. There are few times when you can discuss sex in a formal manner. In an academic or medical context, you would use whatever term predominates in the field.
Colloquially, “have sex” is the more common formulation, if “fuck” doesn’t work (and in most cases when you’re talking about sex, it does.)
They are having sex/we will have sex/I just had sex (link mild and humorous, but NSFW).
I instinctively feel that “choice” has a greater emphasis on Free Will than “selection”. A computer can select an option based on criteria that have been programmed into it, but doesn’t “choose” an option. A human chooses or selects what to do for dinner.
I’ve heard the term “co-sleep” to mean sharing a bed for a nonsexual purpose (e.g. parents and children sharing a bed, or siblings sharing a bed). It does feel contrived though, and I believe it exists because of this idiomatic euphemism we have in our language. I would also think that “share a bed with” would be an acceptable, non-sexual term.