What’s the most appropriate term to use for sexual intercourse if one does NOT want to sound clinical (intercourse, coitus), NOT vulgar (boning, logjamming), and NOT cheesy (makin’ sweet sweet love)? I know the most obvious answer is “having sex”, but are there any other options?
Sleep together.
Sorry, all my ideas are vulgar.
That’s even worse than “having sex”, but thanks for offering a suggestion.
All ours are probably considered vulgar too.
Doin’ the deed.
Lately, we’ve changed the phrase, “some nice, hot lovin’” to “some nice, hot muffins.” Cracks me up.
Well, we tend to go for “playtime” 
We use naptime when the kids are within earshot… vulgar terms when they’re not.
“Gimme some suga”…
No? Well, yes… that had a dose of cheese, a dash of vulgar but it’s absolutely clinic-free! Why not say (example): “_____ are lovers” or “______ are having relations” (kinda Southern) or my favorite…
“_______ are intimate”
Being “intimate” usually indicates having sex. Other than those few suggested by myself and other posters, you’re “SCREWED”!
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH wait! Here’s another:
“________ are romantically involved”.
This isn’t very clear at times though, and may get you more questions that you’ll have to use some of the aforementioned alternatives. Good luck!
So, “bumping nasties” is right out, then?
“Being intimate” is the best one so far. Beats “rubbin’ uglies”…
I heard someone refer to it as “playing blanket polo” once.
boinking
“Lay down with.”
Sounds biblical.
Aussie:
Playing cars and garages
Playing hide the sausage
Running the ferret
Chinese: (my favorite)
Making the beast with two backs
I didn’t know Shakespeare was ripping off the Chinese too…
“Knockin’ Boots”?
Dave Eggers addresses this issue in a really good essay called “Never Fucked Anyone” (IIRC), he ultimately proposes the biblical “to know”.
Elvis has entered the building
Elvis has left the building
Elvis has entered the building
Horizontal Dancing, is quite a nice term. But I allways prefer the cruder terms Bonking or F*cking, they just seem so much more unpretentious.
Biblical would be to ‘know’ each other.
I’ve been using ‘the sex’ as in:
Can we have the sex tonight?
This hasn’t been working so well so maybe I need something else.
For brash-but-not-offensive, I like “boffing.” (“How long have those two been boffing each other?”) It’s just a shade lower on the cheese-o-meter than “boinking.”
My favorite nonsensical cicumloction, dating from the 1930s, is “the marital act” – as if no unmarried person would do it.