A Festivus For The Rest of Us. A Grievence MMP

[purplehorseshoe]

wordy sounds like stress to me, but I ain’t yer doctor. However, I need alone time to decompress, or Very Bad Things Happen, and it sounds to me like that’s what you needed, too.

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In case this was missed from late last week MMP:

@Old_Wench

As you can see, we are still in control of Miss_Owl’s account because she has still not apologized for putting snow in our treat bowls and “other things.” However, we now have reason to believe that she is not being Naughty but, rather, that she and FWB have decided to turn themselves into cats! The proof:

When the humans retired suspiciously early to the bedchamber and closed the door, we just knew they were going to practice their napping skills in preparation for becoming cats. We wanted to come in and demonstrate Proper Napping Techniques but they would not open the door, despite our Meows of Protest, and not even when we stuck our adorable little paws under the door. They couldn’t even seem to get to sleep, they just kept talking. In fact, Mr. FWB was heard to say that he really REALLY likes one of Miss_Owl’s cats. She seemed pleased by this but didn’t ask him which one he liked best. When she finds out, we hope she’ll tell us! We are cats and thus very curious about this. And they sure snored funny.

Finally, in the wee hours of the morning, they were quiet, but not for long. How can they ever learn Proper Napping Techniques if they won’t be quiet and let us demonstrate?

We are also very confused by something else. One of the humans went downstairs to the Cold Food Monolith a/k/a The Ham Box, removed a container and took it upstairs. We tried again to get into the room but the door was firmly closed. Therefore, we will need someone to explain to us what something called “Cool Whip” has to do with them turning into cats. Again, we are most curious.

After Mr. FWB left, Miss_Owl went back to bed and took a Most Proper Nap, accompanied by us. She earned an A+ in Napping Techniques, but we just don’t understand why she was so tired after having just spent all that time in the bedchamber.

We have decided that this is all Mr. FWB’s fault and thus HE is The Naughty One.

Phoenix T. Cat
Twister T. Cat

I nearly missed this charmingly sexy & utterly hilarious bit of non-fiction writing.

My contributions to the hussy-fication of the MMP are moving at a glacial pace. However, one random dude on Tinder has shown some promise. Mostly because he didn’t throw a hissy fit when I abruptly dropped off & stayed offline for days. (I had shit to do, including the SDMB Secret Santa stuff, and then just didn’t have the mental bandwidth for a while.)

I made overtures this morning by text about possibly thinking about maybe looking into meeting up (I said “glacial” remember?) and am screwing together the courage to actually do so, just in case there’s an enthusiastic “yes” from his end.

He lives a solid half-hour away (on good roads, which I’m told may not always be the case in winter 'round these parts) but I guess chances of finding someone hyper-local are slimmer than Kate Moss.

Anyone remember that 90s throwback reference?