I take classes in karate at a local dojo. It’s small, students get to know each other. Las night I was practising blocking techniques with another student, the only one in the whole school who is older than me.(I’m 58).
She seemed upset and worried. At one point she mentioned she wished she could just go home, take a bunch of Xanax(sp?) and not have to face life any more. I said something like “Oh, you don’t really mean that, what about (granddaughter)?” And she said she really did mean it.
She works as a home health care nurse, and may have access to medications, I’m not sure. I do know she’s had a greatly increased work load lately and is very tired, but she keeps at it because she needs the money.
Should I mention this to our instructor? She didn’t say not to tell anyone, but we were in private conversation. Any advice would be appreciated. I like her, and hope she’s just momentarily low, not actually meaning what she said.
It makes me worried as to how seriously I should take this, or what I should do now.
Will you be seeing her soon? I had a somewhat similar experience with someone at work and the next day I gave her the number of the suicide hotline and asked her to please call them the next time she felt this way. I also told her I was worried that her life had too much stress and suggested she talk to someone about reducing it. I don’t know if any of that helped her but I do know she did call the hotline and she never mentioned suicide again.
Actually I think that anything you do would be better than nothing. Having felt very suicidal myself at one point, just having someone engage me in conversation about specific things I could do to make life seem more manageable was helpful.
I know her name, but I don’t have her number. She’s a friend at the school, but I don’t know her away from it. She’s always been nice in class, we often pair off for certain practices because most of the other students are a lot younger than we are.
As to what led up to it, I’d mentioned how tired I was because I’d been working twelve days straight. And my left foot was still in pain(some kind of calluses) and the pain was aggravated by the long days I’d had with no break.
Well, is this a person you could be friends with? I mean, if it’s too much responsibility to reach out yourself, I would go to the instructor, just so you can be free of guilt if anything *did *happen. If you’re feeling charitable, maybe you can talk to her some more. Maybe even become real friends. I would first see what her deal is though. If it’s something severe, **kayT **might be on to something with giving out the number of the suicide hotline.
[nonmod]Absolutely say something to the teacher, and get a phone number so you can call and follow up. And find a phone number for a suicide hotline or other community mental health resource and give that to her. People who aren’t suicidal don’t mention suicide in a casual conversation.
twicks, who has dealt with friends and family who have attempted suicide, and in one case succeeded.
Actually, some do. I have a very good childhood friend who I talk via phone several times a year and she mentioned once that her life was so bad she wished she were dead and just might kill herself. It really freaked me out. I was in tears, stomach in knots, spoke with my hubby, my mom, and called a hotline for advice… Then called her back and when I told her all this and that I was getting on the next plane, she was shocked at my reaction and said she didn’t really mean it. I was furious! I was going through my own tough times and didn’t need her to pile this kind of stress on me from several states away where I couldn’t even do anything about it. She was just being dramatic and wanted attention. But what if she had meant it and I ignored it? You just can’t know for sure.
It does help to call the hotline. They give great advice and support.
A knowledgeable Doper once posted that suicide threats should be considered serious if the person admits they have a plan for how they’re going to carry it out. Baker’s fellow student has a plan to use Xanax, and she has access to them.
Thanks you so much for those. I’d been having trouble finding a number to use, don’t know why. I’d been planning to ask one of our clergy tomorrow if they knew of such numbers. I figured they are into counseling/caring and would probably have heard of them.
I next see this person Monday evening, now I’ll be prepared. I’ll give her this number and wait. If later on she still speaks like this, or gets pissed off at me, then I will speak discreetly to our instructor, to help keep tabs on her.
I also think that since she is just a casual acquaintance you know from a community class, it is more cause for alarm. Its one thing for a close friend tell you they wish they could die, (not that this is not cause for concern!)…but for a person who you just know from a class to confide this in you is more of a red flag. Casual acquaintances usually do not disclose deeply personal stuff like that unless they are really in trouble
Try calling your local hospital , either medical or psychiatric, and tell them the situation. Besides giving you a hotline number, they may also be able to give you some helpful advice on what to do
in giving it a bit more thought, this seems like a pretty serious situation. Casual acquaintances you know from a community class just dont say something like that unless theyre in serious trouble. The fact she even told you xanax is all the ingredients for a psychiatric emergency.
Go to the next class, lets hope she makes it, and once you see she is there, go to the restroom or outside briefly and call 911, let them know this person told you they plan to off herself wth an overdose of xanax. They shouod respond shortly. You might think this is extreme, or ‘mean’, but it is more extreme if she kills herself and her family members are left without her
DO NOT INVOLVE OTHERS - the law is funny - if you say “suicide”, you can get locked up against your will.
Putting a person through that will NOT make them more likely to seek help - it will simply ensure they keep their mouths shut the next time the issue comes to mind.
Please consider that this person may well have good reason to want out, and that your diagnoses of “depression” is the proper “knee-jerk” response to suicidal ideation, it just might not be accurate - with any luck, the folks at the hotline have better chances of getting it right.
Yes, I am a strong believer in death with dignity.
There’s a thread in this for someone: Knee-jerk reactions
I’m pregnant - “Congratulations!” (should be: do you want to be?)
We had an earthquake - “Look out for aftershocks!” (we have already had 72 of those, thanks for your concern)
I’m unemployed and broke - “try McDonald’s!” (why thank you - that never occurred to me)
“A & B are breaking up” - “How awful!” (do you even know these people? Why do you think I’m concerned, let alone wish to discuss the matter with you!?) (slight forgiveness if both are female - you HAVE to talk about everything,
Please keep in mind that there are times when there is simply nothing to be said. Death of an infant being one. The closest thing is a simple "i’m so sorry. is there any thing I can do?
It is barely the OP’s business. As a third party with no knowledge of the person of her situation, your advice stinks. You are hardly in a position to assess relative damage of having a person locked up vs that person dying. You don’t know if she even HAS friend or family to be harmed, let alone that the WOULD be harmed.
MYOB
If I found out who pulled this stunt (getting me locked up against my will) and I was serious about leaving, I would make certain that person preceded me.
And trying to use Xanax (a benzo) is NOT an effective way out.
If they mention fast-acting opiates (the stuff you give people who have 3rd degree burns over 90% of their bodies (aircraft) to keep them coherent long enough to give a statement of cause of crash), you can worry (if you really think it’s your business).
People in hospices don’t get those drugs, and their access to opiates is severely limited - the days when a candy striper could grab a bottle of Benes are long gone.
If you are really qualified to make this rather astounding statement, my apologies, but:
Where the hell do you get off making such grandiose, all-inclusive statements?
Maybe, just maybe, this person (over 58) is in a do jo (among the last places I’d expect to find such a person) is there precisely *because she HAS no other friends or family *- note she has selected the person closest to her own age in which to confide).
OP: if you are not comfortable hearing of these thoughts, just give her the number and ask quite earnestly that she call it (make sure it is NOT a western religion behind the number - those callers are looking for support and direction, not scripture) and tell her you are not comfortable with the subject (make up a story of a family member who left things a mess when they checked out, if necessary).
Just to play devil’s advocate for a second, are you sure she meant suicide? If she had said “I wish I could go home have a six pack of MGD’s and not face life any more”, you wouldn’t have thought anything of it.
You (the OP) were there, not me, I’m just asking if maybe she meant she just wanted to take a few benzos and chill out in front of the TV for a few hours and then go to bed. Not take a whole bottle of them and kill herself.
you sound like a good person who is sincerely concerned and rightfully so about her. Calling 911 to get medical help for her would be to ensure her safety so that she can get the care she needs. It is not a punishment, or jail, as another poster suggested.
The concern about just giving her a phone number is that she may not be able to do that, and needs more direct intervention. If she is in a state of mind where she feels life is hopeless, in other words, she may not be able to have the insight or judgment to pick up the phone to get help for herself.
Good luck, i hope everything turns out ok for her
I feel like if my mother was planning to kill herself and told someone, I would really hope they would call for help for her