It’s Bacon! Bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon!
You’re home! I was just…uh…just looking for the…cat! Yeah, I was looking for the cat! (Wait, we don’t have a cat, think, think, think!) I was checking the fridge so I could make you a surprise dinner, that’s why I was on the counter! (Wait, I don’t have thumbs, I can’t turn on the stove or use pans. Think, think, think.) The lamp is broken because a giant came in and threw that ball! (Wait! The truth shall set you free!) I ate the roast! (Why are you getting out that leash?)
I found your edibles.
Haz grate joke. I tellz you it.
Who needs a car alarm when you have a guard dog velcroed to your headliner?
Why just have a monster under the bed when you could have a monster who’ll guard your slippers?!
“Crest Whitening Toothpaste worked for me!”
It was love at first sight.
“It’s called The Call of the Wild, and you’ll get the chance to become a star. What do you say Buck?”
I know it’s an overused meme, but it’s still funny. You win.
My entry: Freddy Fozbear’s cousin, Doug Dogbert.
Thank you! Next up:
Doing 60 mph can be boring.
Unable to cope with everyone driving the wrong way, Bernice and Edmund just shut their eyes and hoped for the best.
“It’s NPR Pledge Week, again…”
“Remember that time at the drive-in theater when the movie was so boring that we fell asleep, and didn’t wake up until the next morning?”
AARP driving test.
Tries to re-create first date, mistakes melatonin for Viagra.
Alice and Henry singing along to “Oh Danny Boy” on the car radio.
Exhausted from driving 10 under.
Can’t open the link. All I get is a 504 Server Error notice. Can someone repost?