The entry requirement to become a Member of The Dismember Club is to dismember a Member of The Dismember Club.
The first rule of The Dismember Club is…
Upon meeting the child she gave up for adoption as an infant, Mehgan falls apart.
“When I first came to America I had nothing but an old suitcase. And I was in it.”
Your foot bone connected to your jaw bone…
“Now take a look at the x-ray photos in the picture above and try to guess which of the three girls is me when I was young.”
“Yes, it’s a little uncomfortable, but I know some men who will pay me several thousand dollars for just one evening’s work.”
Why, yes, I am head over heels in love with your daddy!
My Stepmother Is An Alien
“Honey, could you hand me my shoes? I can’t quiiite reach them…”
Help Mommy up, will you, Darla? Bobo the Elephant’s on his way back over to sit on his stool.
“See, this is why we wear leotards. You think I could do this in jeans and a T-shirt?”
“This is the best we could do after Marco the Magnificent accidentally sawed me in half.”
When the rubes show up, don’t tell them about the mirrors, okay?
Had I been competing, I would have been inclined to say something about an IKEA item called a Høggenmåmmer or something, so running-coach was a strong contender with Jenny and the Build-a-Mommy kit concept.
But I have to give it to:
Take it away, Prof.!
Yeah, I knew none of mine would beat those!
I’m surprised. I found a lot of the others funnier 'n mine.
This is the new one:
“And if I add these nuts up here I’ll look just like Billy the Murricane.”
“They’re cones, I’m nuts, and you’re my little pumpkin. Together we’re spicy, divided we suck.” [wink wink]
This? It’s for a 6-ft deep foxhole at a cemetery I occasionally hide in to surprise mourners.