When you’re desperate, it’s easy to find yourself in bed with someone you don’t find attractive. And if they’re desperate–which, sadly, is much more often the case with overweight women–it can lead to drama and harrassment that you really don’t need in your life. My point here is: whatever you do, DO NOT sleep with her. I made that mistake with a girl who sounds pretty much like your not-so-secret admirer. I had to threaten a restraining order several times for her to get the message. I really believe it’s my fault for having sex with her when she was desperate for love and I was just itching for a screw.
And for those who suggest just going on one date–it probably won’t hurt, but then again you could be the unlucky fellow who goes out with a clinger. The thing is, she likes you and you don’t like her. Don’t lead her on.
Confession: I sat there and did the math, given the OP’s forty-percent estimate and what a girl of average height and build probably should weigh. It’s a compulsion.
All I have to say is echoing the folks who said don’t go out with her, even on that one date. If you’re interested in becoming friends with her, do that, but make sure she knows you’re not interested in any romance with her–without being insulting. There’s no need to tell her it’s due to her weight–she can probably figure that one out on her own.
Oh geez, if you’re serious, I think this is awful advice, at least if the OP is anything like me. :eek:
If I put that decision off until the end, where I’m possibly tipsy and not too eager to go home alone, I’m gonna sleep with her and open the door to crazy.
How about just saying “Sure, I’d love to go to the party/meet you at the club/whatever. I enjoy hanging out with you, but I’m sensing that you’re interested in more than friendship and I’m afraid I just don’t feel that way.”
It’s tactful yet truthful, and gives her the opportunity to save face by saying you misinterpreted her.
(I was the same weight from high school until I was in my mid-40s. )
If you’re not attracted to her, just go with the “just friends” thing. Maybe she’ll read between the lines and take off the lbs. In which case you can move into the Girlfriend Material mode.
I really like this approach. In fact, you MIGHT be mis-interpreting. And don’t be thinking that because she’s fat she’s desperate (of course she might be, but you don’t know that). Maybe she’s just willing to settle for your bony ass, Ender.
